To ask if anyone has experience of mutism and secondary school?

[PhoebeesMum]

DD is 11 and heading to secondary this year.
She has ASD and mutism won’t talk to anyone outside of her immediate family or immediate small friendship group.

Conversation with adults including her teachers is non existent. She’ll answer with a nod or a single word answer if asked a direct question but that’s it .

She won’t ask for help if she’s struggling with work , she is also too nervous to ask to go to the toilet . She’s been offered lots of strategies and offered cards to talk but she refuses to do anything that will draw even the tiniest bit of attention to her . She is unable to ask for lunch or pay for things in a shop herself she’d just not do it .

She struggles lots with anxiety about the unknown, change in classrooms, not knowing what to say to peers and is not interested in social interaction .

We’ve already gone through periods of school refusal and I really think this is going to happen in secondary. I’m starting to panic . I think she’s going to be an easy target for bullying

Does anyone have a child similar to mine and how did it go in secondary school? She’s the eldest of three .

Have your thought of private. I know a friends girl went to St Teresas, Effingham and has done so well.

Does anyone know if a consultant’s support would help in applying or appeal? It was DDs consultant who originally advised we look at an EHCP . DD is still under their care.

How do I get the forms ?

@84wood private school is not on our radar

Sorry to hear so many have had a difficult time. I think my DD is almost certainly going to refuse to go

I also got told by the school neither of mine would get an EHCp by their school and managed to for both one without any diagnosis of any type, the other had asd.
Telling you they won't get an EHCp is the standard line schools give parents, I have no idea why other than it means paper work for them.
If you fail most people succeed on appeal so many in fact, when I am helping people do it themselves, we start preparing for the appeal and sort of treat it as a normal part of the process if they get it first time, it's a bonus.
Also is the school refused to co operate then you can spin that in your favour as what have they got to hide, but most schools are happy to be constantly emailing and ringing parents whilst they can make it the parents problem so you can use old reports, emails I used the illegal exclusions they kept giving one of my sons they were so confident parents didn't know the rules and tried to threaten me with social services that they happily kept churning out paper work, and documentary evidence to me which I gave to the LA. For the EHCp.

IPSEA have a model letter you can use to request an EHCNA. Consultant advise will help.

upthekyber some schools spout myths about EHCPs because they believe the lies the LA tell them, others are worried they will be forced to provide specified and quantified provision.

Secondary teacher here too. Currently teach Y9 student who is SM. Taught the same student in Y7 too and has never spoken in lessons.
As others have said, get in touch with SENDCO ASAP once you get your school allocation and explain, teachers will put things in place in the classroom as long as they know. We use thumbs up/down, hold up number of fingers for A, B or C type questions, use mini whiteboards. I use these a lot for all students so I can gauge understanding without drawing attention to the lack of verbal responses.
Hope you get somewhere with EHCP too.

to every poster who has responded. I am spurred in to action to apply.

I have noticed that a child has to have SEN rather than emotional need to even be considered. Would ASD and mutism count as SEN?

Mutism is anxiety based and my DD has no learning issues so does she have SEN?

It was our school SENCO who told us we wouldn’t get an EHCP so I want to be armed with information .

Im reading through the responses...waiting for baby to finally drop off

My child has selective mutism. What is ehcp?

Both ASD and SM count as SEN.

SEMH (social emotional and mental health) difficulties count as SEN too.

See this link for the legal definitions, but DD definitely meets them don't worry about that.

Feelinglow an EHCP (education, health and care plan) is a legal document in England that sets out a child's needs and the support they need.

If you're on FB, join the SMIRA group.

I had selective mutism as a teenager, it was pretty embarrassing for me to be honest. No matter how much I wanted to talk in group settings I just couldn't find the right time or courage to speak up. Without support I went down a pretty rebellious route which bought me slightly out of my shell but I still suffered with mutism around new people or large groups way into my 20's. It wasn't until I was 24 and I got a job as a charity fundraiser (which terrified me) that I was cured. The first day I was thrown into Birmingham City high street and made to stop as many people as possible and TALK to them, it was honestly horrendous. My hands had never sweat so much and we were knee deep in snow! Anyway after speaking to about 20 people and really being thrown in the deep end socially I realised people weren't that bad. I realised talking wasn't that scary and people did actually want to hear what I say. I think if I got thrown way out of my comfort zone as a tennager I might of got over my fear of talking much sooner and enjoyed my youth a lot more. I was actually a really good fundraiser and did it for 6 years and became a manager...talking to hundreds of strangers every day and teaching other people how to do it. It's really quite remarkable to think that someone who wouldn't talk to anyone at all, ended up doing it professionally! Maybe some sort of acting class or performing arts based club would be good, not school based but with non local kids (when lockdown allows) I'm sure your child feels quite embarrassed about being different and having such severe anxiety and maybe if she's around people that won't see her everyday at school or in the streets, she might feel more comfortable to let her gaurd down. If not though, don't worry. I turned out alright 😁

My neighbour in the 1990s had selective mutism and wouldn't speak outside the home - when she went to secondary school it was generally assumed (by peers) that she was unable to speak and she was accepted as part of a friendship group in the ordinary way. They just worked round her and only asked questions that could be answered yes/no by nodding.
She wasn't teased particularly by others because it was seen as mean to pick on a disability and also she wouldn't say anything back so they wouldn't get a rise out of her over it.

The only time I recall her noticeably suffering for it was the languages teacher getting very publicly frustrated that she wouldn't speak in class in the foreign language one day and shouting at her, which made her cry.

In Year 9 she went on Guide Camp and replied "Tuna" when a leader asked what sandwich filling she would like, cue mass astonishment and fascination from the rest of the pack and then the rest of the year group for about a week (seriously, it was like Jesus getting the man to walk) and then as she didn't speak any more everyone forgot about it and went back to how it was before.

She went to 6th form college in a different town, where she spoke normally, got a job, got married in her twenties and afaik appears to have a totally normal life now.