To stand down from the group over this?

[Rae34]

This would've fitted in well over on feminism but I worried it would be outing.

I joined a voluntary group a couple of years ago promoting women's rights. It has been very beneficial and reward in a lot of ways but has been a revolving door over the last while.

The newest group has some very nice ladies who have many great views about equality but (without sounding big headed) aren't as clued up on issues as I am. Now for women's day next month we are putting on an event. One member has announced she is going to do a talk in relation to her fantastic opportunities in a country which has one of the worst records for human rights for women in the world. Really terrible. This is because she was given those great opportunities personally...

I think many attending audience members on the day will be fully clued up on this country's behaviour towards women and find us to be amateurs.

Is it fair enough to leave over this or am I being over dramatic? I don't even feel I can speak up because the woman is so lovely and it will look like I'm saying she can't talk about her own life - but I just feel this is so tone deaf.

On top of that, we were asked to put forward which topics we would most like to cover. My preferred topic which relates to the job I've done most of my life has now been fully allocated to someone else who has never done that job. This has upset me - the person this has been allocated to didn't initially express any interest in it.

The problem isn't that you're more "clued up", it's that you won't speak up. This is what it's about OP, you think every conversation advocating for rights is with some rabid misogynist or racist? Those ones are easy, the real test is when it's someone you love or like or respect, can you talk about things that aren't right with sensitivity and bring people along with you. There's no point being clued up if you won't try. You can do it, "I'm just a little concerned that....I think it's important we are sensitive to", I would like to share my experience of....." get practising you will need this skill in your life, sounds like the perfect place to begin

Definitely speak up about the fact that your area of expertise has been given to someone else. At least find out the reasoning behind that decision so you aren't left wondering.

With the person speaking about her own life experience - leave it. It could make for an interesting debate and challenge the view that all women from X country are helpless victims.

You already know all the answers to this.
Close friendships don't last because once you leave they don't maintain. You know this.

You need to speak up/contact main person. Why has your subject been given to xxx?

I vote too for speaking up. But you don't need to rock the boat. You could just speak to the person who allocated the topics privately and put your points across as questions/queries and on the basis of the reputation of the group. Then at least you will find out if you were deliberately side lined or it was a mistake. On your area of expertise you could offer to share the topic with the other woman and to it together?

I'm afraid the use of the term 'ladies' really stood out for me too in a feminist setting? Are you really as expert as you think you are?

I didn't say I was an expert @Bouledeneige. I said I am more knowledgable on various feminust issues internationally, not that I now an expert on it all. No need to be snarky.

I feel like I never stop speaking up and i'm starting to feel like the odd one out, rather than one of several. I sometimes feel I'm struggling against the tide rather than being on the same wavelength.

I'll reflect on it more over the weekend then decide.

Well you can leave or keep trying to change things (and probably be labelled awkward). I wouldn’t judge you for either
If it was me I would probably stay but have some fun with a Q&A session after each talk

Maybe you should do a talk on how men don't face any guilt or resistance for speaking up especially in areas where they have more expertise?

This thread is quite an example of female socialisation even within a supposedly feminist group.