To give up and just serve beige food?

[TheBeigeFoodChild]

DD is 6. Only child.

She is flat out refusing to eat anything except chicken nuggets, turkey dinosaurs, goujans etc. She will eat them with mash potato but is refusing vegetables, beans or even spaghetti hoops. She’s usually only allowed this stuff once a week. She will occasionally eat sausages but is known to refuse those too.

She’s usually a pretty good eater, her favourite is spaghetti Bolognese, but she’s refusing even that. I’ve tried cottage pie, fish pie, meatballs etc. but she’s not even trying them, says she doesn’t want it. I’ve offered it again when she says she’s hungry (reheated obviously) but she still refused to even put any in her mouth.

I made my own chicken nuggets and she refused those too. She is usually one who eats her food with no issues including vegetables.

She has some additional needs but they’re not related to food (Diagnosises of GDD and joint hypermobility syndrome, suspected Dyslexic/Dyspraxic/ADHD and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome). She’s always been good with food until this lockdown.

She can be a bit fussy with vegetables but nothing unusual; she refused to eat green beans a few weeks ago but loved peas and broccoli so I’m not concerned. But she won’t eat any vegetables at all at the moment

So AIBU to give up cooking when I know it’s going to get wasted and just serve her beige food + Mash until she’s back at school?

For context it’s just me and her at home.

YABU - Keep trying to cook
YANBU - Give her what she wants

I have a 6yr old veg avoider. Over time we have found things he likes but for ages he only ate sweetcorn.
You know your kid and tbh there is so much upheaval at the moment that I would just say do what you feel. It's all well and good wasting food if you can afford to but a lot of us can't!

I'd mash some other vegetables (eg carrots, parsnips, swede) together with the potatoes.

I would avoid making food a battleground and give the beige food tbh. Do what you need to do to keep your sanity and get her to eat something. Do you think she'd eat more 'snack' type foods like a plate of cheese, fruit, crackers and finger food type items?

@Saywhatyoumeanandmeanwhatyousa

I'd mash some other vegetables (eg carrots, parsnips, swede) together with the potatoes.

Tried that, she refused to eat the mash! Usually we have sweet potato and carrot mash but she's refusing that even.

Dyspraxia and sensory issues create these issues around food. My DS is a terrible eater has to be yellow and room temperature, he can't look at anyone eating, he won't eat in school or at a party he gags while his peers eat, he uses a screen now at lunchtime in school.
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@VimFuego101

I would avoid making food a battleground and give the beige food tbh. Do what you need to do to keep your sanity and get her to eat something. Do you think she'd eat more 'snack' type foods like a plate of cheese, fruit, crackers and finger food type items?

She's not really a snacker but I could try that as an alternative meal one day thank you!

Can you do a half way house? Serve the things you are usually cooking but make sure it can be “deconstructed” so that she at least eats the elements of the meal she’s comfortable with?

My Ds is awful with vegetables. we have carrot sticks with everything!

I'd try offering what you know she will eat but vary the sides and not make a fuss if she eats them or not.

I’d cook it for you both, put a very small amount of everything on her plate with something you know she does like (separate on plate rather than mixed together/touching). Don’t make it a battle/issue of it, one day she might just switch back and eat it if she doesn’t feel it’s a big climb down to do so.

Other things that can help... giving her a choice of two meals, let her get involved in preparing a menu/cooking food.

She is old enough to have a conversation about you not expecting her to eat everything but to give everything a try. Also letting her choose one vegetable of the two or 3 on her plate to finish.

It’s really hard but I think you have to take the emotion out of it (feeling rejected/cross that she didn’t eat what you prepared) and calmly keep feeding healthy food, giving her a degree of choice within that premise. Even if it ends up narrow/boring, as long as it’s nutritional.

Life's so weird for children just now. For next few weeks I'd just take pressure off you both, and go with beige food she'll eat on her plate, some bowls of veg/whatever you're having on the table she can help herself to, and try not to give any reaction/comment either way. And offer snacks as they might feel less of a battle ground.
Once life is a bit more normal and interesting you can see if it's settled, and if it hasn't can make a plan for the next month (from a mum of a fussy eater who is slowly getting there and 2 who mostly eat everything) x

Check out kid.eat.in.colour on Instagram- she has some great advice for dealing with picky eaters- either long term ones or recent ones. She is very much about keep offering at every meal something new/controversial, make main thing on plate 'safe food' you know they eat, put no pressure on what or how much they eat, don't make food a battleground- make meals a sociable and enjoyable experience for all.

Thank you everyone, like the idea of offering both what I'm having and the beige "safe" food so will definitely try that.

Dd (now 15) has adhd and asd (actually dx'd as Asperger syndrome literally just as the manual changed so formally ASD).

While generally high functioning, food was a way that when other things were problems, she could control herself. So we had a few periods of beige food, and lots of times when she was a little flexible but had boundaries on that flexibility.

I tend to take the approach that she needs to eat. So if she will actually eat beige food, but is strong willed enough to not eat otherwise - then feed her beige food temporarily and get the good stuff in when other things are more relaxed so food is less of an issue.

Dd takes medication - so we added an omega oil capsule to the meds and got the Dr to agree that it was a good idea (more making sure we said it in front of Dr at regular clinic appointment so it was the authority figure rather than us saying it - which was more likely to mean dd accepting it).

When she did eat more normally, I did the usual "hiding veg" in things like spag Bol and cottage pie sauces, and doing stir fried with lots of veg she liked. We also had a lot of sweet corn as the veg (as dd always likes that), or often corn for dd and other veg for dh and I. There are always a few tins of that in the cupboard.

I also found that dd accepted things more if she was involved in preparing it and being able to make some choices. So I got her involved in prepping and cooking with me, and she could choose sauces or spices and also experiment with flavours.

One other thing that I did was to give dd a mug of hot chocolate, made on full fat milk, and often with squirty cream/marshmallows on top, at bedtime. Partly to help with sleep problems and partly to get an extra dose of calories into her, which she'd digest overnight. Just to make sure she had enough energy to get through the day and her busy-ness, and continue to grow (she was always small but dropped from 20th to 2nd centile over the course of childhood).

She's 15 now, still drinks her hot choc a lot (now low fat milk and I no longer buy cans of squirty cream). She can still be fussy about food, but it's more about repetition and control - currently she makes her own dinner of a bowl of rice, chicken, a whole pepper, onion, Cajun spices - but eats it all. (I offer her ours also and she sometimes has a bit). I also buy things like tubs of cherry tomatoes and leave those out to snack on, or do a bowl of carrot sticks to leave on the counter while I cook dinner and they often disappear as she wanders in and chats - but I never talk about them. She's still skinny but pure muscle and participates in very strenuous sports at a very high level.

Pick your battles. She has shown she will go hungry rather than eat something she doesn’t like so why make it a battle ground?

Having a range of choices also worked well - we always did it on Xmas Eve, but started doing cold meat and prawns/smoked salmon, carrot or pepper sticks, cherry tomatoes, olives, cheese and bread/crackers etc as a regular Sunday evening meal all laid out, adding different sauces (Mayo, ketchup, bbq, salad dressings etc) and having a few things not necessarily favourites but ALWAYS having a few things dd would definitely eat, meant everyone picked what they wanted, she saw us deciding not to eat some things and eating lots of others, and she also tried a few things but could leave them if she didn't like them. So that did help expand her repertoire.

And if the hot meal was suitable, we sometimes put it all in serving dishes on the table so everyone had the chance to take tiny portions but take seconds if they wanted more. So that also helped when she couldn't face a large plateful, but was happy to eat more once the small amount was gone. Or take more rice but less sauce, or the other way round.

@BiddyPop thank you for your insight, we don't think DD is autistic but it's interesting to see how you got round the food aversions, definitely going to try some of those techniques.

DD does get a say in food, but she currently always says "Chicken nuggets" but I'm just going to go with it and offer healthier stuff at other times.

Have you checked her mouth for loose teeth? Could she have a cavity? Or thrush? Refusing something she normally will eat suggests she might be feeling some discomfort.

It does sound slightly like you're whispering "Please, Jacinda" at her, in the hope she might hope to try some!

She can't "refuse " or "only allow" certain things, she's six not the queen of sheba. Of course she can not eat, that's fine. So long as you make her a portion of healthy food at least a part of which you know she likes that's your job done!

If you have EDS you are 7 times more likely to have ASD. It is more difficult to diagnose in girls. Sensory issues especially with regard to food is common. Nuggets and beige food is very normal. It can be a manifestation of anxiety or a need for the food to be the same each time which is why your nuggets didn’t work. No stress. Serve food they like, offer other food and eventually they may eat more widely or some may not. I try and make sure they have a balanced meal. Parenting an EDS child who usually have multiple diagnosis is a challenge, good luck. They change so much as they get older some issues lessen, others get worse and then you get some new ones develop. The food issue may lessen just stay calm, ensure as balanced diet as you can manage. Some nutrition is better than none I keep telling myself!

Update:

I think I've worked out the problem.

Friday is fish and chip day (as per school menu) and I did broccoli with it. She ate it all with her hands but she ate it all!

I think there's an issue with her wrists/hands making it hard for her to use cutlery rather than her not wanting to eat. I've emailed physio.

In the meantime any ideas for finger foods she can eat?

Should be fish fingers and chips day.

Have you tried junior caring cutlery?

Give her what she wants op. Aslong as she is eating.

Meatballs with sauce on the side for dipping
Sausages
Baby crabcakes
Chilli scooped on tortilla chips
Baby potatoes cut in half with cheese melted on top
Soup so it can be drunk
Lots of crudites

Try spoon food as well, so tuna and rice and sweetcorn stuck together with some melted cheese or butter
Teeny tiny pasta shapes with cheese sauce
Anything on toast fingers
Anything stuffed in a burger bun (sloppy joes)

And then picnic foods

Thank you all! I will look into the cutlery thank you @Sirzy

Some of these ideas are brilliant and I quite fancy some myself for meals which will help even more as I prefer to make one meal for us both.