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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you feel pressure in your 30s to do the ‘normal’ thing?!

14 replies

Eng2345 · 17/02/2021 18:07

Does anyone / has anyone felt under pressure from family / friends / even work colleagues to follow the path of getting married, buying a house and having a baby?! Sounds so old fashioned saying it but why is it not enough just to be in a happy relationship?!

OP posts:
AmandaHugenkiss · 17/02/2021 19:32

I’ve not had pressure as such, but I know my Mum is sad that neither myself or my sister has got married or have kids. Both settled in LTR with lovely fellas, bought houses, good careers. She’d never tell us how disappointing it is for her, but occasionally have says how nice it is for so-and-so to see so much of their DGC and I feel a pang of guilt. Not a good reason to have kids though!!!

RosesRoundtheDoor8 · 17/02/2021 19:33

Yes, I have felt it at times. it gets very draining. I have no child yet, and feel silently judged by my parents and siblings.

MissMarpleDarling · 17/02/2021 20:02

Nah.

Original poster
Eng2345 · 17/02/2021 20:34

Yes it’s the feeling judged for not being married or having children can be hard to deal with sometimes I find.

OP posts:
dudsville · 17/02/2021 20:40

The 30s are difficult, used to be the 20s, traditionally a time of striving to sort out what you want to do re a partner, children, work, where you live, life plans, etc., and of course we don't all get those questions answered during that time (I divorced halfway through!). I mourned my 30th for that reason and went all out celebrating my 40th!!! Look after yourself well OP!

RosesRoundtheDoor8 · 17/02/2021 20:44

@Eng2345

Yes it’s the feeling judged for not being married or having children can be hard to deal with sometimes I find.
I would have had a child and we have been trying for years with no joy. Lately my fibromyalgia has been so bad I honestly don't think am up to the challenge.
FantasticMissFox · 17/02/2021 20:46

@Eng2345

Yes it’s the feeling judged for not being married or having children can be hard to deal with sometimes I find.
I totally get this, especially as lots of close friends have all had a baby within the last 9 months. I just try not to focus on what I "should" be doing and just make sure I am enjoying what I am doing.
Original poster
Eng2345 · 17/02/2021 20:53

Does anyone find themselves sometimes questioning themselves even when they are happy and don’t want some of the ‘normal’ things l?! does seeing so many other people have those things like children and marriage and so many people saying you need to do that it’s brilliant, make you think what if I’m doing the wrong thing not following the normal path!?

OP posts:
WhatAreWordsWorth · 17/02/2021 21:04

To some degree.

DH and I got married a couple of years ago, not because we felt pressured to, but because we wanted to be married! We didn’t have a traditional big wedding though, or a traditional engagement. We didn’t give other people a second thought when we got married.

However, I do feel some pressure around having DC. I’ve never been maternal at all, and up until recently I really thought I didn’t want them. But now I’m nearing 30, I’m starting to think about it a lot more. Friends and family members mention it a lot, there’s definitely an unconscious feeling of ‘pressure’ to have them.

I’m trying very hard to weigh up the pros and cons of having/not having DC with DH, without taking into account any outside influences and societal ‘norms’. It’s very difficult.

AmandaHugenkiss · 18/02/2021 08:09

@Eng2345

Does anyone find themselves sometimes questioning themselves even when they are happy and don’t want some of the ‘normal’ things l?! does seeing so many other people have those things like children and marriage and so many people saying you need to do that it’s brilliant, make you think what if I’m doing the wrong thing not following the normal path!?
No. The more I see of my friends with children, the more I know I made the right decision for me. I’m happy with my life and choices.
Weirdwonders · 18/02/2021 08:34

Sometimes I find it odd that so many people do follow the normal path, though I can see why the weight of even a small amount of expectation can send you off in a certain direction. Your life is yours for living though - if you are happy, follow your own path.

RacheyCat · 18/02/2021 10:52

I'm 36 and married, and have lived and worked in Asia for over ten years now. We don't and won't have kids, and I'm currently 3000 km away from my husband as I've moved ahead of him to start a new contract, so we'll be living apart for four months.

I never regret anything. Life is hard, life is stressful, and I have taken a path most people wouldn't, but I genuinely feel that I am so, so privileged to be living such a rich and extraordinary life. I make choices other people don't, but I think I would have been deeply unhappy had I done the "normal" things.

B1rd0fPrey · 18/02/2021 11:16

Do the things that you want
Do the things that you enjoy
It is your life to live, not anyone elses business

murbblurb · 18/02/2021 11:28

nope. In fact a lot of people made it clear that given the choice, they might not have had their kids.

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