To leave my new job because my line manager hates me?

[HighlightedTrees]

Started a new job in July 2020. Left one profession (social care) to go into another (NHS). Decent band.

Right from the start my line manager made it clear she didn't like me. I was headhunted and encouraged to apply by her boss who I knew professionally and I think (even though line manager was on the interview panel) her boss made the final decision. She maybe resents that I am doing her old role, (that usually requires a PhD but I only have an MSc but other professional qualifications) and seems to be trying to isolate me and keep me from accessing training and CPD, I've asked and she said 'It's not the right level for you'

My eldest DS (17) has heard her speak to me on zoom calls and said she is rude and a bully and he never gives a crap about anything/anyone usually. So I figured it must be bad if even he is noticing. She has never given me any instructions on how to do the work, I have muddled through and figured it out. She insists I do data analysis work that is not in my role (because the three people who are employed to actually do it 'are too busy' according to line manager, when it's my projects, but they do the data for everyone else and say they aren't that busy themselves). I write reports and she basically re writes them. But I passed my probation with flying colours and when I look at team outputs of the 11 reports produced April 2020 to now, I have produced 6 (there is a team of 8 of us). So I know my work rate is decent and other colleagues say I work hard. But she never acknowledges it. Last week she told me off for doing work for an external partner too quickly as 'it raises expectations and put pressure on the rest of the team'. I just produce things I am asked to produce to the deadlines I am set but she sees this as a negative. They asked me to write a bio for their website and she has not put me in my team's section but in with admin and support. I am NOT saying there is a problem with that apart from I am not in their team so it looks odd and others have commented. I think she has insisted I go into their section for...well I don't know. It's such a bizarre decision. I don't know for certain but my team is 'academic' and I think she doesn't see me as academic enough IYSWIM? I'm the only one in my team who is a mother (of 3) and who has a broad accent and didn't go to a 'top' university. I don't want to see it as she has an issue with class...but I think it might be

AIBU to just leave? I had a good career in social care, colleagues who I loved and worked front line. I only left as I needed more money for DS1's university but now he has deferred. I think she has made it clear I don't fit this team. If I apply for new jobs will they wonder why I am leaving such a new role? Or should I stick out the rest of my contract (just under 2.5 years left) and learn from this? I know working life shouldn't always be a bed of roses...

Thanks for reading. Obviously I am more upset than I thought because I have just vented a lot!

In your position I would make a written record of all the things I wanted to say to my line manager about how I was feeling, and then have a meeting with her to raise them. I would update the written record afterwards with the conversation we had.

If there was no improvement, or if her reaction was poor, I would escalate to her boss and say you are considering moving on as it’s not working. If she was keen to have you she will presumably be invested in keeping you.

Some pockets of the NHS can be really awful for this kind of thing but sunlight and openness is often the best way forward. To be fair to your line manager, if she doesn’t know you feel this way she can’t do anything about it. And there may be sound reasons behind many of her decisions - it’s just that when out together they can be interpreted badly, especially when paired with a poor personal manner.

I did have a meeting on 13th December with her to discuss that I didn't feel like I fit in the team and that I felt like she set me up to fail as she tasked me to do something, didn't tell me how to do it (a complex data doc) and then told me I didn't get it right. She listened and said let's put in 2 weekly supervisions, so in the new year I have asked her to do supervisions and she's been too busy. I do need to be more assertive definitely. That's a good suggestion re writing it down.

Yes do keep a record but yes you do also need to be assertive and ask for what you need. Be the squeaky wheel. It sounds as if she did at least take what you said on board, which is something. It may be that you give such an impression of competence that she a) feels threatened b) thinks you can just do everything without support.

You need to do an FYI to her manager in case she sells it as needing to supervise you closely because you can't do your job.

You don't need supervision; you need correct instruction and fair management. She sounds like a bully.

Have you had an informal word with her line manager who encouraged you to apply? NHS is indeed very tricky at times. If you like other aspects of the role I’d fight a bit to get her to accept you and I’d certainly be calling her out on overt rudeness.

Any engagement you have with her in future is in writing so you can keep all this if you need to. I had a line manager like this - would put in one to ones and then not turn up - but of course everyone thought they went ahead.

Also, start looking for a new job now before this eats away at you and you are not strong enough to do it.

This reminds me of when the top boss of a company, who I’d done a bit of work for before, employed me while the person who was to be my line manager was on holiday.
Line manager was clearly miffed to come back and find me in situ and nothing I did was right. He sacked me when top boss was himself on holiday a few months later.
Top boss came back from holiday and was clearly angry and mortified to find out what had happened, and said he’d find me another job, but I found another job elsewhere.
Looking back the whole thing stunk. The HR director came for a meeting that day but left without looking at me (clearly feeling bad about what was about to happen) and a colleague who I thought was my friend must have also been told to leave early - and probably why. What hurt was that I left the building reeling from being sacked, he was just driving away, and didn’t stop to ask if I was ok.
I was very young and naive, but these days I’d definitely do what pp have suggested and note everything, keep copies of any emails, and look to escalate higher if things don’t improve quickly. I wouldn’t let myself be forced out of a job in this current climate.
It’s shocking how some people treat others.

I feel a little bit worried about going to the senior manager (her manager) as they are friends outside of work.

@Papergirl1968 - it is a horrible feeling isn't it? Being somewhere you are clearly not valued or wanted. I walked into this job as it excited me and I thought a change of career might be a good thing but I'm starting to regret it. It is a shame as the work itself I really enjoy but this woman is making life difficult.

Thanks to all for advice. I started making a list of all the emails she didn't respond to/acknowledge asking for clarification on things before my probation, in case I needed to 'defend' myself. I think I will restart it.

Leave for your own health and wellbeing. You can't change her and she'll find a way to eventually punish you for standing up to her. The NHS is full of psychopaths. Go and work with people who treat you decently

I agree with @DocMarteens

I have been in a similar situation and it seriously impacted my mental health and it really wasn't worth it. Life is to short.

I was in a similar position in my last job. Line manager made it clear that she didn't like me from the second round of interviews. The CEO and HR liked me and thought I was a good company fit.

She did everything she possibly could to undermine me. I was placed on furlough last April and went I got a phone call from her last August asking how I was I knew it was a bad omen. I was made redundant at the end of August.

Luckily furlough gave me chance to reflect and I realised I was worth more than that vile cow. I've gone back to uni and I am retraining as a teacher. I'm having the best time despite the covid chaos!

Leave. You can't change other people and is it worth the fight? Just get applying for other stuff and keep your head down until then.

Back up every single cinversation in writing and cover yourself. ‘Further to
our discussion..., you need to giver yourself as she will throw you under a bus. You could even clarify your CPD conversation ‘...you advised this was not the ‘right level for me’ can you clarify what this means and how we can work towards me doing CPD.’ Cover your back!

Leave...

I would do both - address the issue using the channels advised here, but also consider applying for other positions. Being proactive in both ways would be how I would cope, personally.

It sounds like you are valued by the team, but have a justifiable grievance against her, backed up by some evidence. I think I would ask for a meeting with her and her line manager, make a series of reasonable requests such as being listed as part of the team, having access to training, having access to data support, and having feedback from others as well as your line manager, because you feel that you are being somewhat unfairly treated. But it will all take some energy.

I had a line manager like this. She was a bully and used to act like a nasty school kid in her behaviour. She readily admitted that past people in the small team she managed had left and accused her of bullying, which she said was rubbish and she didn't get any reprimand from her boss despite the numerous complaints made about her over the years - so it was many people bringing up her behaviour rather than just one .
Whilst I was there there was 3 people who she bullied and they left because of it, she always came out smelling of roses, even when one person she managed accused her of racism. She was always on or off with me and after over 9 years of her shite, I left.
My main reason for leaving was family related but her behaviour made it much easier to come to that decision and was definitely a factor in my resigning. I hear she is still the same but she fucking gets away with it.Leaving that job improved my mental health, I miss the job and my other work colleagues but not her at all.
Every morning before I went in I automatically was thinking ' What mood is she going to be in today ? What is she going to be like today? Is it my turn to be talked to like shit/belittled, spoken to like a child or is it workmates turn?', I know my colleagues were thinking the same each morning to as we use to discuss it . I still irks me that she has gotten away with it for years and still does, my only thinking is that there must be a culture of bullying with bosses on her level and above as it wouldn't fly in every other place I have worked over the years.

Log everything you remember with dates/unemotional details, then go to her boss who headhunted you. She is bullying you.

I work in the NHS with a very similar manager. I couldn't change her but I did ride out her bullying after about 6 months by being relentlessly pleasant and polite and doing everything to the best of my abilities. Eventually she got bored and moved onto someone else....but a year later she's still bullying them as they are a lower band than me. I wish I had been able to stand up to her more and call it out but it isn't possible in the organisation structure we were in (technically she had no manager) and it would have taken way too much time and energy from me. So sorry don't know what the answer is...on one level don't let this woman win..but on the other life is short and these people are hideous !!! Good luck

Leave. Life is too short. Write it down and tell your manager's manager. If it doesn't improve immediately, leave. There's so much interim work going on at the moment with covid you could make plenty consulting whilst you look for your next move. You get absolutely no prizes for enduring this misery. You will look back in years to come and wonder why you put up with it at all. I've worked in some great teams and some awful ones, a well functioning team is not always easy to achieve. But if your line manager is a dick you're pretty stuck. I recently met an old one of mine who was really horrible and he was horrible instantly. It made me sooooo glad I'd left that job. Don't let your son think that's what you have to put up with in a job, plus he'll feel especially bad if he knows you're doing it for him. Try Hamptons resourcing for well paid interim work.

It is a horrible feeling, HighlightedTrees.

Keep a record of work done, keep emails she sends, send every request for help via email so you have a trail. Keep details such as the team bio, and details of conversations you have had about how she makes you feel,

Then go to her line manager and discuss, even as an informal grievance , what she is doing is bullying