To request a C-section?

[silenceofthemum]

Mods, please feel free to move this to another topic if not suitable!

I had my son 4 years ago - textbook pregnancy/birth no issues.

I then went into premature labour 2 years ago today at 25 weeks and it was traumatic, baby passed away shortly after birth, I lost 4 litres of blood, was pretty touch and go and luckily didn't need a hysterectomy, no tears or nothing but they had to leave some placenta in as suspected placenta accreta a not diagnosed before birth.

Fast forward to today, I'm due in April and after much anxiety I think I have Tokophobia. This pregnancy up to now has gone really good, no issues, no placenta problems detected and overall been a easy pregnancy (up to now) but emotionally I'm not too good, my consultant has referred me to a clinical psychologist and has suggested a planned induction might be the best bet, as a c section doesn't reduce risk of bleeding ( I know this)

I keep having panic attacks at the thought of labour, which is strange as I never did in my first pregnancy so I know its post traumatic fear. I feel like a planned c section would be controlled, I would know what date etc and my husband supports me.

However when I talk to my mother she immediately becomes aggressive, saying I'm being ridiculous, I'm making excuses, she really diminishes my actual worry and anxiety, and considering she has mental health issues I would expect her to understand more than anyone but she doesn't she said "I'm choosing the easy way out, I'm copping out" and she doesn't agree with anyone choosing to undergo a big surgery out of choice and if I choose that route, she won't be my birth partner or look after DS (as pre-planned)

I suppose my AIBU is, is am I overreacting or not basically?

I’m so sorry for your loss.
YANBU to want a c sec but YABU for involving your mum in this decision.
Also, if you want me to tell her it’s not the easy option I’ll do it!

YANBU at all.

Have the counselling, elect for a section, tell mum it’s a planned induction but DH will be attending if you need her for childcare.
If you have another childcare option I woudknt tell her anything and I’d use alternative childcare.

Her reaction is utterly irresponsible and unreasonable. She should be ashamed.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. Good luck with everything

I would request further discussion with consultant or senior midwife or get counselling or bend the ear of sympathetic friends, until you feel happy with your decision.
Your mother sounds generally ok apart from this one issue, but on this she is completely out of order. I think you need to tell her that in so many words. Then if she is still going on, withdraw a bit to save your own sanity.

OP I'm sorry for for your loss.
it's your body your baby. Your mental health. Your safety.
You ask and take advice and I hope everything goes well. 💐

I’m so sorry for your loss

I’m also due in April, and having an elcs after a traumatic induction and crash section with my first. I had PTSD, PNA and PND after my son, and want to keep everything as stress free as possible. We are also having complications and seeming to be on the same path as we ended up on with my first, so he’d end up an elective anyway (this baby is also being born early due to these issues)

Definitely take the counselling, but also go for an elcs if it will help you cope.

I really don’t understand why people are so judgemental about c sections - ignore your mum. Regardless of how baby exits your body, you grew that baby, and the day of the section is the day you bring your baby into the world and meet them. It is no less valid than a vaginal birth.

Her saying she won’t be your birth partner or have DS if you “cop out” is so emotionally abusive. She clearly has her own massive issues she needs to sort, and she absolutely should not be taking her inability to deal with it out on you. I’m so angry on your behalf