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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I just don't want to be friends anymore

10 replies

NoFrills01 · 15/02/2021 19:56

Do we reach a certain age, or have we had enough experience to realise when friendships are turning ugly. I just sense it.

Every bone in my body tells me this friend is not my friend anymore, I have tried to distance myself but it's getting to the point I just want to cut her out of my life.

I guess with lockdown many friendships and relationships have suffered, but I have had alarm bells for a whole year before that.

One more than one occasion I have been with her and felt no connection at all, infact shes irritated me to the point I wanted to leave and have left.

It's not that shes a bad person (shes not a murderer) it's just shes hard work. She plays mind games, she's flakey as fuck, and on the whole now I look back and see how she is with others (she has fallen out with a lot of other women) I just literally don't want her in my life.

The trouble is our kids are friends. I also feel our kids have grown apart as kids do, different schools and friends.

She is moving and I hope to move too and to me it seems a natural time to break away.

I did speak to her about this before, and she agreed to mostly what I said about however I think she also manipulated me and the situation as I was upset at the time in my life.

She makes me feel anxious, and while once we were close we are far from that. I see what others see, she is fake and drains me, she is hard work.

Is it ok as adults to just completely cut someone out when you don't live far from eachother and the kids ask after eachother still? What do I do?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 15/02/2021 20:01

Of course it's ok to cut someone out! How old are your kids?

katy1213 · 15/02/2021 20:04

Of course, it's okay. If your children are old enough, they can manage their own friendships - if not, they'll soon stop asking and forget about them.

Bandino · 15/02/2021 20:14

I don't know if it's age, or more that you meet all sorts of people when you have DC, and they're not necessarily your type or very nice. I found it a huge relief when mine went to secondary and I didn't have to see some of them again. It's awkward to totally cut someone off if you're going to keep bumping into them and your DC wants to play with theirs.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2021 20:56

Just let it fade away.

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 15/02/2021 21:02

You're an adult, you can be friends with whoever you want.

It's ok to realise a relationship isn't healthy and to leave it. Your kids can still be friends if they want, although it sounds like that's fading out too.

Put yourself first.

HelloThereMeHearties · 15/02/2021 21:04

Moving is the perfect time to let this friendship drop.

But don't bother having a conversation with her about it. Just don't be available any more.

Mittens030869 · 15/02/2021 21:06

Well, if she’s moving away, that’s your problem solved. Your kids will lose touch very quickly; from what you’ve said, they’ve started to grow apart anyway.

Lottapianos · 15/02/2021 21:09

'But don't bother having a conversation with her about it. Just don't be available any more.'

Totally agree. I know some would say you should be open and honest and explain yourself to her, but if you dont see the point, or feel that no good will come from it, just let the friendship go quietly. Be less available, non committal about meeting up, and moving away is perfect timing to stop contacting her. Yes of course its fine for friendships to fizzle out and to move on. I feel for you though - it's not a great feeling to be in this position

MRex · 15/02/2021 21:09

Just don't get in touch any more. If asked, you're "OK thanks, busy, you know how it is. Much love to your DD."
And repeat.

Blubell281 · 15/02/2021 21:52

Wow I'm in exactly the same situation, I could have written your OP word for word! Reading the replies with interest.

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