Might be a long one! My mil lives with me. It’s the done thing in my husband’s culture, was warned it would happen on about our 3rd date and although it happened about 10 years before I thought it would, I made my peace with it and she’s been here coming up for 2 years. All in all, I’m glad she’s not stuck in her home country completely alone during these funny times we’re living in and she does spend a fair chunk of time with DH’s sibling occasionally (I consider it to be like a custody arrangement of a child!) We set ground rules right from the off (after I had to say it wasn’t normal to stroll in and out of my bedroom!) saying that as DH and I have the loft room she doesn’t come up unless invited.
We’ve been generally getting along but with 2 primary aged children homeschooling and a new baby that she likes to give her opinion on every 2 minutes I’ve been biting my tongue more than usual. Today I left baby playing in his chair in the kids bedroom with my other 2 whilst I popped upstairs for a quick shower. She was in another room and DH is also a working from home in the guest room next to them so only a shout away. I had my 2 minute shower in the loft en-suite with the door going from the bathroom to my bedroom ajar to stop the steam but so I could still hear the kids and the door going to the downstairs wide open. I got out of the shower and thought the baby sounded close and figured my eldest had carried him up and laid him on my bed, so towel in hand and naked I pull the bathroom door fully open to see mil standing in my bedroom holding the baby! Now I have no issue with my husband or my kids seeing my jiggly post baby body but mil is a step too far! I quickly swung the door shut and heard her say something about clothes, I wrapped myself in my towel, opened the door again, grabbed my clean clothes off my bed and slammed the bathroom door and got dressed in there. DH appeared 2 minutes later with the baby who needed a change of clothes, which is what mil had been trying to find in my room. I changed baby then cuddled him in for a nap on my bed and calmed myself down.
When I went downstairs an hour or so later she apologised profusely and said she was just trying to help, I said forget it. She then started crying and said she’d made things worse, she hadn’t had lunch due to worrying about me and I ended up comforting her saying it doesn’t matter. But it does matter! She had called up to me but I didn’t answer, maybe she thought I was hiding or playing, who knows? For clarification baby has a changing mat and stuff downstairs in the living room too so he wasn’t going to suffer if she’d stayed out of my space! After a bit of a frosty lunch I went back upstairs in a bid to stop myself getting more irate at her sad face, feeling sorry for herself and she went to bed, which is where she’s stayed ever since, ignoring her normal 4pm cup of tea. She’s worse than the kids for sulking. I have a feeling in her retelling of this story I’ll be the bad guy for leaving the pooey baby, not being grateful for her assistance and then keeping my distance from her all afternoon and there will be no mention of her overstepping boundaries yet again.
So AIBU here? Surely I shouldn’t need to remind her about personal space over and over? I read stories of people upset with mils that they see twice a year and sometimes I’m jealous! 😂