To cut some out who I find toxic?

[Minn88]

I’ve given mil more chances than I ever thought I’d give anyone. She’s extremely rude and it’s impossible to have a proper conversation with her. I end up getting upset almost every time. I don’t think she sees me as good enough for her son. She’s shouted at me and called me every name under the sun as well. Then said sorry over text the next day and it was all forgotten about, never to be mentioned again, as she say “we’re done with that” regardless of what other people think.

And also, her daughter has had a baby, who she clearly cares so much more about than our kids. She’s told me straight “it’s different when your daughter has a baby than when it’s your son”, and that she feels she’s taking on a different role with sil’s baby. She’s seen sil’s baby more in four weeks than she’s seen our son in a whole year since he was born. She never asks about our kids, doesn’t show an interest. When DD is with her she can only handle a little bit as she gets exhausted.

I’m so sick and hurt by her. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve taken six years of verbal abuse from this person. I’m even feeling less for my husband because of her. Like I need her out of my life so badly that I’m willing to let go of DH if that’s the only way to get rid of her

Your DH only gets a mention in your last sentence but is clearly one of the key people here - what does he say when MIL is verbally abusing you? She needs a very firm ‘No, that is simply not acceptable’ ‘We can’t carry on seeing you if you continue to behave in this way’. If you create clear boundaries and she continues to overstep them, then yes I’d be considering a very low contact situation, very much controlled by you.

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers he’s agreed she’s been out of order, but refuses to confront her with it. He’s weird around her, like doesn’t want to speak up. She’s that much of a controlling person

so you have two people to manage in this situation! Write down the responses you’re both going to use with her the next time she kicks off and get your DH to agree with the plan of action. You absolutely need a united front or this will get a lot messier.

Your DH refuses to back you up. Don’t go near her. Let your DH do the visits and refuse to host her in your home. Block her on text, phone and social media. Tell your DH you are doing this because of the negative impact it is having on you. You will need to sit him down and tell him all this straight. It is completely unacceptable that she is allowed to continue to treat you this way.

Your DH is spineless and doesn't care about the mother of his child enough to tell his mother to be civil.

I would personally get rid of them both.

Why do you need to engage with mil? Go lc and see how that goes. Let your dh deal with her.

Thanks for your views. I have honestly considered ending it with dh and moving back to where my family lives. I haven’t seen my family since august since they live so far away, and due to covid. My mum is desperate to see the kids. I have tried to talk to dh, but he just gets really uncomfortable