Valentine's cringefests - AIBU to ask for yours?!

[FrauleinF]

I am wondering if i am the only one on here who still practically burns crimson with embarrassment over something absolutely cringeworthy she did for Valentine's Day, even if it seems like a lifetime ago...

N.B. Some details have been slightly fudged.

To set the scene, at the end of 2005 I was in my very early twenties, working somewhere very female dominated. A new boss shows up, who immediately stands out because he is a) only about 35 or so and b) quite possibly the most handsome man any of us had ever met. Lots of us young women are drawn in by his good looks, intellect and charm and there is lots of talk about him.

Part of me had considered myself above all this inane nonsense but after my long distance boyfriend at the time dumped me and I started to work more alongside this guy (the nature of my job meant I'd have meetings with him several times a week) my hormones finally kicked in and I yielded to the inevitable crush. So far, so predictable.

By the following February we had well and truly broken the ice, but I knew that a relationship with him was impossible as he had a long distance girlfriend of his own and also that the nature of our jobs prevented us from getting together anyway whilst I was still working there. Stupid me also bought all the whinging about said girlfriend that went on whilst I was there. I had also noted that he had invited me, and only me, not any of my other colleagues also working under him, to a special out of work professional event that was somewhat above my pay grade. What could it all mean?

Telling him in person that I liked him that way and potentially ruining the atmosphere at work was out of the question, so Valentine's day 2006 was obviously my big chance to signal to him how I felt. If I'd just found a standard card and written a normal message in it, I wouldn't be writing this. Reader, I found a postcard with (in retrospect) awful poetry in his first language on it, and the message I composed was so unbelievably gauche, quoting a cheesy song from the year he was born, referencing how I could do a lot more than look at him - and worst of all, I had put on lipstick and kissed the postcard as some sort of hare brained signature. I obviously thought the print of my distinctively full lips and my (only slightly disguised) handwriting combined might have suggested who it was from. Jeez, looking back it was more like something a teenager would do rather than a supposed 21 year old intellectual.

I know that he received it as I saw the fucking thing sitting there in the in tray in his office the next time we had a meeting.

By the way, it (surprisingly!) didn't work - but neither did it "fail", in that he didn't drop me like a deranged stone afterwards. Fifteen years on, I am now happily married with kids to someone else but every Valentine's Day I am reminded of this and can't quite believe the gaucheness of it all...though from what I have heard, the recipient has now become a somewhat controversial figure (understatement) at his place of work due to actually seeing through similar dalliances. Go figure.

AIBU to ask for stories of your very own Valentine's cringefests (given or received) in solidarity?

I salute you for living your life!!! yeah- you WERE a little bit crazy.... but it's great- in a fabulous Bridget Jones sort of way. You took a risk. Good for you.
I can't exchange a cringe fest with you. I'm too cautious and repressed to do something so spontaneous/ slightly reckless... Which is probably why I'm a lonely single person.

Yuck. Imagine that story with the gender roles reversed (male staff leaching female boss), or even just the seniority roles reversed (boss sends card to employee). I know the details about his gf and the sting in the tail of your story is meant to stop us feeling sorry for him but you're lucky he didn't make an allegation of sexual harassment against you. Well done for not otherwise acting on your crush though, as it does sound like he would have been amenable.

Bad poetry. Nuff said 🤢

I wrote a letter to a boy I fancied at school and got my friend to give it to him. In the letter was me telling him how I felt about him.
I went up to him later that day, awkward silence, and he said, “Well go to your friends then.” He was not interested at all.

I wanted the ground to just swallow me up. I thought he felt the same. I turned around, walked over to my friends and never spoke of it again. We were about 15.

Someone new started where I worked, they were a Christmas temp made permanent and didnt know anyone - so I went out of my way to be nice, friendly, casual chat etc. They were a little awkward round people, and I felt a bit sorry for them.

I finished a shift on Valentines day and came out to a parcel sellotaped to my windscreen.

It was a homemade mixtape.

With a long letter about how he looked forward to us going pebbledashing hand in hand.

I had a VERY awkward conversation with him the next day in the car park. He told me to keep the tape: if I listened to it I would understand him and he was willing to wait for me to be ready. I kept a wide berth from him for a few weeks, and by Easter he was engaged to someone else!!

PS I do still have the tape somewhere.
I still haven't changed my mind!

I rather enjoyed that story we all do silly things when we're young. I can't quite recall doing anything too cringey at valentines but I've made many a mortifying faux pas in my time These things make great stories and wouldn't life be dull without stories?!

My ex (who further down the line turned out to be controlling and abusive) proposed to me on our first Valentine's Day.

He did it in a restaurant, and got the waitresses to bring out a ring, balloons and flowers.

We had been together for 3 weeks.

@8Track

Someone new started where I worked, they were a Christmas temp made permanent and didnt know anyone - so I went out of my way to be nice, friendly, casual chat etc. They were a little awkward round people, and I felt a bit sorry for them.

I finished a shift on Valentines day and came out to a parcel sellotaped to my windscreen.

It was a homemade mixtape.

With a long letter about how he looked forward to us going pebbledashing hand in hand.

I had a VERY awkward conversation with him the next day in the car park. He told me to keep the tape: if I listened to it I would understand him and he was willing to wait for me to be ready. I kept a wide berth from him for a few weeks, and by Easter he was engaged to someone else!!

I know that I shouldn't ask

going pebble dashing

Some kind of sexual activity involving faeces?

@TrendingToday
I was thinking the same , go on @8Track , spill the beans , what are you talking about ?

I love that story OP! the lipstick mark especially! I remember at school at 15 my friend had a crush on a young hunky teacher, she gave him a valentines card by asking a younger kid to hand it to him. We were lurking by the door giggling and the teacher asked the kid who was the card from? The kid pointed at the door and said 'that girl sir' and the teacher made eye contact with me as my friend was out of sight! The teacher winked at me and I was mortified and could never look him in the eye again.

My ex, who was forces so worked away, sent sex toys through the post to my workplace one Valentine’s Day. Parcels were x-rayed. So that was quite an interesting trip to the post room.

When I was 15 I went to an all girls school and only ever met boys at pony club camp. I wrote a letter to one of them at his boarding school for valentines day. Bless him he wrote back to me then got off with one of my friends at the pony club disco but introduced me to his friend who I started a whirlwind romance with and wrote letters back and forth from him at boarding school.

When I was 15 I was crazy for this boy, the coolest in school. I wasnt cool in school and we rarely spoke in school but we had a shared hobby outside of school so had a secret relationship no one knew about. Anyway I wanted us to be a proper couple, he wanted sex. He led me to believe we would be a proper couple and the week before valentines day we had sex for the first time. He then went away on the school ski trip. On valentines day while he was away i sent him the soppiest message ever. He didnt reply and came back from the trip with a "proper" girlfriend

I once wrote someone a letter, cut it up into single words , put the words in a jar and sent it to someone who lived literally the other side of the world. I think it's the most insane romantic (can you call that romantic??) thing I've done. He was nice about it, and told me he liked fishing random words out. Cringe!

@Peanutbutterblood it's like Normal people - but with skiis!

I was a really quiet, shy, withdrawn child/teenager, but I developed a MASSIVE crush on the guy along the road. I was 15, he was 19, had a job, a motorbike and was completely unaware of me.

I got a Valentine card that year. It just had the letter B (his name was Brian) and a row of xxxx. I was absolutely thrilled! The envelope had been stuck down, and I kissed the dried gluey bit because - obviously - Brian must have licked that bit to seal it. Swoon!

Found out a fortnight later that my big brother had sent it to me. Not to take the piss out of me, he's really kind, so he obviously thought it would give me a confidence boost.

And I never did get together with Brian - serves him right for not sending me a Valentine card!

A new guy started at the retail shop I worked at and there was a lot of chemistry despite us working on different departments. We'd find reasons to go to each other's department and just kind of oggle each other from afar. Our breaks were at different times, we started and finished at different times, and it was kinda cool, it felt.. clandestine?? And neither one of us made a move to chat to each other although on occasion he'd walk up behind me and whisper 'you look incredible today' then walk off and ooofff swoon because he was bloody gorgeous!! Had a chat with my sister about it, the flirting was great but I'd decided to see if he was actually interested, and she suggested I wait til valentines, hand him a card with my number in it (all very juvenile for a 32 year old single mum of 2) and saunter off. So I did that. Only I was petrified so I thrust it at him and rather than sauntering away I bolted 😂😂

He texted me that night. Turned out he was only 20!! Haha. We had a very interesting 6 weeks and remained friends 😀

When I was in year 9, I sent a card to women in year 11, he was gorgeous, my God I'm thinking of hum now and he really was.
Wrote in the card, "I wish I was a bar of soap that lay there in your hand, and every time you washed yourself, I'd see your promised land"

@8Track

Someone new started where I worked, they were a Christmas temp made permanent and didnt know anyone - so I went out of my way to be nice, friendly, casual chat etc. They were a little awkward round people, and I felt a bit sorry for them.

I finished a shift on Valentines day and came out to a parcel sellotaped to my windscreen.

It was a homemade mixtape.

With a long letter about how he looked forward to us going pebbledashing hand in hand.

I had a VERY awkward conversation with him the next day in the car park. He told me to keep the tape: if I listened to it I would understand him and he was willing to wait for me to be ready. I kept a wide berth from him for a few weeks, and by Easter he was engaged to someone else!!

What songs were on the mixtape?

[quote mopphead]@Peanutbutterblood it's like Normal people - but with skiis! [/quote]
Honestly @mopphead that program brought up some weird emotions in me

I sent a Valentine's card to my first love, David Cassidy. I was on a school exchange trip to Germany at the time, and for some reason, one of the teachers was responsible for collecting everyone's mail and posting it.

To be fair, she didn't openly take the piss out of me, but she did query whether the postage might be more than the amount of stamps I'd put on the envelope --addressed to David Cassidy 698 Sycamore Road, San Pueblo, California (where his alter ego Keith Partridge lived).

Anyway 6 months later I got a reply from David himself!! Well, his fanclub secretary anyway. It said 'David thanks you from the bottom of his heart for your good wishes' with a signed photo of my future husband.

I treasured it for years. Well, months. I fell madly in love with a bloke called Chris who went to the Youth Club Friday Disco shortly afterwards.

I still cringe a little bit for teenage me though.

@Tremmendus

Sending one annoymous cheesy valentines card containing a bad poem is not sexual harassment.

OP, don't be embarrassed, on your death bed you'd rather be the person who acted and lived and expressed herself and was a fool for love, than someone who did nothing. Plus that is what one is meant to do on Valentine's day--send the proverbial anonymous card!

When I was 17, and about 3 months away from going to University (which we had discussed and both naively agreed we were happy to do long distance) my then boyfriend of 9 months decided to go all out for valentines. He bought me roses, a massive cuddly teddy bear with a big red heart and a huge padded card that played a tune. An awful tune.

He also PROPOSED and asked me not to go to Uni, but to move in with him and get a local job instead. Was obviously completely blindsided by this, and made some sort of awkward “this is lovely but think we are too young to get married, and I’m definitely going to Uni” speech. He then declared he would do the 4 hour drive every Friday night and spend every weekend with me so that we spend all our free time together. It was awful. I’ve never wanted the ground to open up and swallow me more than that night.

I’m ashamed to say it took me another month to break up with him as I didn’t want him telling all his friends I dumped him because he proposed. He was a very sweet guy but he still sees my parents occasionally, almost 25 years later, and every time tells them he can’t understand why I wanted to move to the other end of the country to have a career when I could’ve stayed in the village and just had a job!

I also feel the need to weigh in on the sexual harassment thing. I often lurk on the FWR boards and it's something I care about A LOT.

I am aware that what I did was arguably inappropriate, due to the recipient having authority over me. Just how inappropriate is open to question, but I also don't believe it was sexual harassment. This is beacause:

a) If I had received ZERO indication over the previous four months of anything other than a purely professional relationship (and if he had consistently mentioned how great his relationship with his girlfriend was), I wouldn't have sent anything.

b) Something I didn't mention - around the time all this happened, someone else working in the same place as us at about the same level as the object of my affections actually did get in trouble for the (sort of physical) sexual harassment of someone they used to work with. Hot guy's response was along the lines of "isn't it a shame that stuff like this means you can't just flirt anymore" (which to my thirtysomething in 2021 eyes is a more than a little off, but was read a little differently by 2006 me)

c) It may not have been clear in my original text, but I didn't outline all the things I would have done with him in the postcard of cringe. I literally wrote "I could do more than just look at you" in reference to the poem on the front, after composing some other gauche word salad. To me (at least back then) that came under "good natured flirt" and not anything darker.

I reiterate also - I fudged some of the details in my story by missing things out and altering details. An alternate scenario where he had sent the same card to me, and got found out, would have resulted in deep shit for him for a myriad of reasons, hence why I made the first move.

As I said, he was absolutely fine with me afterwards, and we remained in sporadic contact both professionally and personally for a while after I left that place. He either didn't twig it was me, or didn't really mind.

Don't want to derail the thread - I've been enjoying the collective cringing!