To ask mums what I could do...

[Lovesacake]

To help mums who are struggling in lockdown when I can’t physically be with them? I have a couple of close relatives who are really struggling. One has a 4 month old, she’s her first baby. One has a 4 year old and 3 year old and only recently came off antidepressants before the first lockdown having had PND. Both have husbands who are decent but for various reasons they are doing the massive bulk of everything related to the children.
I love them both so much and I can see that they are not good. It breaks my heart and I don’t know what I can do to help. I have no children but am an active auntie. I can’t form support bubbles with either of them for various reasons but I just know they need a hug and someone to take the kids for a bit and I can’t do that at the moment. Is there anything that you feel would help you from a distance if you were in their shoes?

Are you geographically close? Very little children don't count in the numbers, so you could go for a walk with them and just listen.

For the four year old, could you do a video call to read them a story?

Are you in good enough terms with the husband(s) to message them and say look, I'm sending your wife a care package and she will need an hour to herself to enjoy it, you will need to cover the children?

And at the simplest level, send silly postcards regularly, a tiny smile that they get through the door once a week. Somehow means more than a WhatsApp or a text.

Assume you're not close enough to meet outside, distanced? Time out with another supportive adult & something to look forward to s a huge help if you're struggling. Regular scheduled Skype & wine girlie chat nights? Husband's can look after the kids for an hour. Book club over Skype? I think they're saying meeting outside in groups of six is being considered come mid Feb or early March . As is schools return , so light at end of tunnel is there...

Thank you. I’m not physically close enough to meet for a walk but will book into a b&b near them as soon as we’re allowed. It’s tricky with the husbands, one is away a lot with work and one has an injury which means he can’t look after kids on his own. But I do appreciate the ideas, I could definitely try some of them x

Take away voucher?

Could you entertain the 3&4 year old over Skype?

I’ve tried entertaining the kids via Skype but it’s never been too successful. They have a ton of energy and tiny attention spans so tend to end up leaping around the place and definitely need someone still keeping an eye on them in the room. Take away voucher is definitely something they might like though.

What a lovely friend you are. I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and in honesty there's very little that could help me at the moment except someone taking the kids off my hands for a few hours. I'm craving time alone. With both of them here and DH at work I wouldn't have time for a treat for myself and they're too little to be able to do independent activities.
But I hope someone can offer a better suggestion because you sound so thoughtful.

Send a bottle of wine and some chocs for her to have when kids are asleep.

My MIL has sent my kids some fun things to keep off the boredom (magazines etc). It perks the kids up and gives them something to do.

Could you speak to the 3-4 years old on face time and play games with them to keep them entertained for a little while. My MIl downloaded an app on her phone and she could do colouring in on the phone with my 4 year old while face timing. My 4 year old loves face timing people and having them watch her play with her toys and it gives me some down time while she’s busy.

The 4 month old is more difficult. Maybe just send her some nice treats to work her up or go for a walk with her or close enough.