Feeling resentful for family move

[LiJo2015]

We moved back to where i was brought up owing to my husbands job. Hes the main earner and it meant we could live together as a family as previous to this he would work away for weeks/months at a time. It also meant we moved from a mortgaged home to a rental and 3 years later are unable to get back onto the property ladder for the foreseeable future. I actively left the area owing to childhood abuse and trauma and i left a profession owing to this and mounting pressure to look after the home, our one child at the time (we now have 2) and my husbands mental ill-health and stressful job.

I feel like im sitting on a bucket of resent for him. That although i adore him and i know he feels the same, i feel angry at being back to where i originally escaped in a house that doesn't feel secure.

I am retraining, but this will take a few years and i am currently at home looking after our daughter who was born last year.

So...

AIBU? And why

AiNBU? And why?

You aren’t being unreasonable - why did you guys decide to get off the property ladder? Do you have a plan to get back on?

Obviously if it saves your DP working swat and you have a small baby anyway it might make short term sense - but you sound like you are falling into parenting your partner which isn’t good. And this move clearly is not working fir you, thus it is not working for the family.

Can you talk to him and figure out how to move somewhere you don’t hate, where you buy a place, he doesn’t have a massive commute, and there is access to childcare and the kind of job you plan to do? And also get him to start addressing his mental health? It does sound like you need to put your foot down,

@partyatthepalace

why did you guys decide to get off the property ladder? Do you have a plan to get back on?

We didn't have a big enough deposit combined with a poor credit - previous redundancy which meant we fell behind on bills. When we sold house, a big portion cleared all debts.

Can you talk to him and figure out how to move somewhere you don’t hate, where you buy a place, he doesn’t have a massive commute, and there is access to childcare and the kind of job you plan to do? And also get him to start addressing his mental health? It does sound like you need to put your foot down,

He is looking at jobs, but he does have a good job now. As you know the climate is verydifficult and uncertain right now.

He is addressing his mental health. Currently waiting for results from an MRI owing to hormonal imbalances. Also being imvestigated for autism. He is also has fortnightly therapy.

We didn't have a big enough deposit combined with a poor credit - previous redundancy which meant we fell behind on bills. When we sold house, a big portion cleared all debts
We're all the debts his it? Because if not, you were part of the issue and decision to sell and pay the debts off.

If being back to your hometown such an issue, why did you agree to it?

@dontdisturbmenow

We're all the debts his it? Because if not, you were part of the issue and decision to sell and pay the debts off.

We both contributed to the debts.

If being back to your hometown such an issue, why did you agree to it?

Because the pay off would mean him being home and not working away. Plus we wanted more children and him being away alot impeded this!

He went from self employedto perm employment. I know i need to hold onto this reason because its a pretty big and inportant one.

Yep, it’s a hard time to move right now, but perhaps you can plan together to move in 3 years or so? That way you will feel you are moving forward and can crack on with retraining, Could he get a good job some where else?

Also very importantly can you plan to move somewhere where you can buy?

Glad he’s addressing his mental health. You cannot be carrying all that.