To want to visit my home country but not my family?

[Iseeasmile]

I find family quite hard work and visiting doesn't feel like a holiday. Sometimes I think about showing my children the things I love about my home country. Although it's likely to be a moot point this year, I have been daydreaming about a holiday let or renting a camper van and showing them around. I think my family will be upset if I do this. (I would stop by on arrival and leaving the country).
How would you feel if your adult child did this?

I think it's fair enough as long you see them at some point on the trip

Sounds fine to me.

This is totally fine. I grew up outside my parents home country, we used to go and stay with family for a week, see everyone and then go off somewhere else to a more 'holiday' place.

This seems fine but probably won’t be if it’s your mum and you haven’t been back for 10 years.

Depends how often you visit and what our relationship is like. I might be hurt but I'd keep it to myself. Too many variables to know for sure.

I have done this, a few times.

My home country is really, really large so there were huge differences in what we did if visiting bear family or visiting the country but in another part, many, many hours away.

When I wanted to be in the area near my family, we spent a few days with them before our sightseeing part of our holiday visiting areas of interest where we stayed a couple of hours away and moved around

We also had a holiday in my home country where we rented a hiuse to stay but we were for than 24 hours drive away from the area I’m from. No problems.

However, we had the shit hit the fan when we rented a beach house an hour drive away from my family, they continued to show up, regardless if we said we were going out or having other people come over. They showed up regardless when we said we were taking the kids to see something on the next day and were furious we weren’t there to entertain them/use our beach house. So be wary,

The camper van idea is a great one because you can’t host them and you’ll be moving around. But if you start it end your journey near them, yes be sure to see them or they may be problematic about it.

I've done this. It's a great way for them to learn about their heritage.
My family does accept holiday time off / holiday is exactly that for us. We do see family and visit maybe have a day out together- meet up somewhere. In some cases it's just an evening meal.

I think it's a fantastic idea. I'd stop off on the way out just to say hi but why on earth shouldn't you show your children your country? Tell you relatives that you plan to take a camper van trip around your country to show your children where you are from and you'll stop be at some stage.

We have relatives who live abroad and when they return they split the visit 50/50 between holiday and family. It wouldn't feel like a break otherwise. They will sometimes take in short breaks around the UK using parents home as a base, or they will have a week at the seaside and take a set of parents to go with them as a big family holiday. Visa versa when the parents visit them in their adopted country, they will always take them on a holiday to break it up whilst they are there for the same reason, as you don't want to go to the other side of the world just to sit in someone's back garden for two weeks.

Because you say you think they will be upset, I take it you haven't told them yet? They may surprise you.

Agree with pp. As long as you stop by for few days, they willl be fine. I am planning similar next time we are visiting.

I agree it sounds fun

When we go to SA to see the in laws we only spend part of the time with them - 5 days is enough for me! Then we travel around a bit for our actual “holiday”.

This is a fantastic idea OP. I wish I was your daughter.

My parents are immigrants and each year they took us on a 2-8 week trip (varying duration each year) to their home country. It was the most boring thing ever because we only saw family during that time. We don’t even have a lot of cousins or anything, it was literally one grandparent (who doesn’t maintain any kind of relationship with her own children, let alone us grandkids - we’d spend weeks living with her but not talking to her that much), and a few aunts and uncles that we would see once during this ‘holiday’.

It’s a beautiful country but I’ve actually never seen any of it. I only know my grandma’s rural village where pavements don’t exist and where there were only two other children with whom we had absolutely nothing in common. We weren’t raised in my parents’ culture and there were some pretty big differences. That made for some boring summers. I hate going there now. I have no connection to the country and only associate it with boring, long trips that benefitted absolutely no one at the time.

We had friends whose parents came from the same country and they took their children there on holiday to see relatives, but also spent time showing them around. These people are now proud of their heritage, have tried amazing food, seen beautiful sights and appreciate the country their families come from.

I wish I’d been exposed to all of this too. My parents have now built a house there and only my youngest sibling goes with them each summer (only 2-3 weeks now!). They’ve started taking some trips and my brother gets to see a side of the country the rest of us didn’t. I hope I’ll be able to visit a few times in the future and get to experience all of this myself.

Totally get it. In the same boat and considering a similar holiday now that my kids are that little bit older.

My family would be upset but there's so many of them when I include extended, I could spend 3 weeks at home and see someone new every day.

So the options are to bookend the trip, see people on arrival and before departing or just to keep it on a manageable slow drip throughout. Problem is with Covid that they'll want to join us at every opportunity and it's physically possible.

Anyway, unlikely to be going anywhere for a while so I've stopped planning anything.

I don't visit often - years. My family think we are close but I think it is the distance that helps keep the peace. (History of family dramas)

Because you say you think they will be upset, I take it you haven't told them yet? They may surprise you.
Yes you might be right.

It's a tricky situation.
My DHs father's family is from a European country that we would like to visit if we are ever allowed to leave Scotland again but were really put off by photos and videos from DSIL and DBILs trip there.

Extended family were delighted to see them and let them stay in a flat in capital city and also welcomed them to country home, but escorted them everywhere and wouldn't let them have a meal out as wanted to offer their own hospitality.

I just wouldn't want to visit somewhere and not have any freedom to travel around, no matter how lovely the people are, plus I'm a bit fussy about food and don't like it when I have no choice. Apparently they'd be desperately upset if we tried to do our own thing.

Campervan sounds like a great idea.

Rent a camper van for 2 weeks and spend two days visiting your family.

@EileenGC I hope you get to experience some of the culture, sounds like there is a pull for you.

My homeland is much closer and not so different but I want my children to know it. And I want to have that connection myself.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams yes it's probably a long time before it's an issue for either of us!

A little different (as it is my brother over in Oz), but DM has always combined visits/stays with excursions to see other parts of the country.

We do too (though we do have bits of DH's family and friends scattered around the country).

It seems such a shame to spend hours travelling somewhere and never get to explore.

Could you fly into a different airport and make your way to/from your parents?

Our holidays on native countries are always just famoly visit. We go just for a week though, 10 days. But at least we always have plenty of day trips and some longer ones (with the family) to show the other the country. We go once a year, year and half.