Instagram influencers posting photos of their bounce back post partum bodies.

[Instagramselfie]

Fully expect to be told IABU.. But I will post anyway.
Is it unreasonable of me to think that Instagram influencers, celebs.. Are setting an unrealistic expectation of reality by posting photos of perfect post partum bodies within a matter of days or weeks of giving birth? I'm very much of the if you got it flaunt it brigade.. But I'll try and explain how it makes me feel personal.
A body that's given birth to a child is a body to be proud of.. There shouldn't be an aspiration to bounce straight back to size 8 skinny jeans and have a washboard stomach and you shouldn't feel bad about it either. Whilst that body is beautiful.. So is a body with a c section scar, with stretch marks, with cuts and bruises and with a deflated stomach that takes 6 months to fully go down..
Is it unreasonable to feel like this? Please don't mistake it for jealousy, it's not that at all.. It's just that looking at these photos of perfect women with perfect bodies who have just had babies.. It's not realistic.. Life isn't like that. If it was.. It would be wonderful and we'd all be sporting bikinis right now.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that perfect body is no better than an imperfect body?..

It's the whole purpose of 'influencers' though isn't it? No different to the ones who show their immaculate white and grey houses so you feel you should be doing better at cleaning or your cupboards should be better organised.
Or showing older women how to look younger/embrace their age/ be effortlessly stylish or whatever other nonsense.
All designed to deliberately set aspirations most women cannot achieve.
But hey, don't worry, if you buy the leggings I'm wearing or the storage jars I'm using you could be a tiny bit more like me...

Thing is some people do bounce back especially with first babies. I was not one of them but you have to try and depersonalise it. Influencers are often paid to look good. It is their job and are more likely to look after themselves during pregnancy and put less weight on in the first place.

The best thing you can do to diminish their power is stop following them.

I agree with PP. it’s their job to create an ‘aspiration’ for the masses to try to emulate. You don’t have to play along.

And to echo feelingverylazytoday I found a baby book of my mum’s from the 70s and it had a whole section on weight loss, not getting too fat during pregnancy and the importance of not letting yourself go for your husband. It was pretty blunt.

It is an unneeded pressure. I had twins and knew I would still have a big stomach afterwards but I didn’t realise I would still look like a full term Singleton pregnancy. I was in every day visiting nicu and random people would ask me when I was due. Someone asked me that almost 3 weeks pp when I was bringing one of the (tiny, less than 5lb) twins in to go up to NICU - really?!

I’ve never “gotten my body back” and they are 4 now.

Filtered so much.

Want to see an unfiltered one? My DS is 13 and i still look post partum🤷🏼‍♀️

This is why I am not on Instagram as if I had this shoved in my face day after day I would probably cry.

I’ve only had two kids but pregnancy has not been kind to my body at all, I look horrendous. I ate normally or even less with each pregnancy but each time around the 20 week mark piled on about three stone. I just blew up like I’d been inflated despite staying fit through long walks. I’m still in size 18 clothes despite eating well and walking when I can. I think I’m the only person I know who looks this bad tbh.

And as for whether its worse, I don't think so. It was exactly the same in the 90s when we were first introduced to the yummy mummy.

If anything I'd say it's a little better, as the current aesthetic is more tolerant of extra weight than was the case in previous decades; and there is at least now some balance, from body positive influencers. Back then, the only women you would see in the public eye were the 'perfect ones'.

Prune the list of who you follow - if it makes you feel bad stop it. Or just delete the app if it’s too much. I go through phases when it doesn’t feel good so I just remove the app for a while. Your account is still there and can be reinstalled when you feel like it. Comparison is the thief of joy

Delete the influencers if you don't like seeing this. They are paid to sell an image effectively and tbh if there body bounces back after a baby then that's fine for them to share it provided it's not along with a caption like 'you can do it too!'

Everyone's bodies are different, I couldn't care less someone's body before or after birth, I just care about my own. I was lucky that my body did snap back and the evening after giving birth I left hospital in my size 8s but I don't think it's fair that it should be looked negatively upon to bounce back quickly and be happy about it.

It just seems that this is shaming the mothers who have bounced back and are proud to show that. It is realistic to show that some women's bodies bounce back because they do

It’s not completely unrealistic, plenty of women don’t gain much weight or retain much fluid in pregnancy and carry small.

Very foolish to do any kind of strenuous exercise too soon after birth though. I worry about their pelvic floor.

In my experience there are just as many influencers who post "warts and all" shots postpartum, and go on about how hard it is and how their house is a tip, in an effort to be "relatable". The "nobody told me it would be like this" schtick. This is just as harmful, as it made me question myself for NOT feeling that life with a newborn was hellish.

YABU
it's only a competition if you make it one.

SOME women will look amazing, and frankly good for them.

SOME women will need weeks to recover, and it is useful to see the possible lasting swelling etc and to know what to expect if that happens to you.

What I find very insulting and damaging is to come up with patronising "A body that's given birth to a child is a body to be proud of". You don't get to speak on behalf of others. Some women are feeling very low and it's perfectly ok not to be happy about your poor damaged body, and to know it's not a fatality. Yes, it might take time, but you don't have to resign yourself.

You are still a woman and allowed to feel good about yourself, and be an excellent mother at the same time. It's time to stop making mothers feel they have to martyr themselves.

@Doingitaloneandproud

Delete the influencers if you don't like seeing this. They are paid to sell an image effectively and tbh if there body bounces back after a baby then that's fine for them to share it provided it's not along with a caption like 'you can do it too!'

Everyone's bodies are different, I couldn't care less someone's body before or after birth, I just care about my own. I was lucky that my body did snap back and the evening after giving birth I left hospital in my size 8s but I don't think it's fair that it should be looked negatively upon to bounce back quickly and be happy about it.

It just seems that this is shaming the mothers who have bounced back and are proud to show that. It is realistic to show that some women's bodies bounce back because they do

Of course it isn't! Who on earth is going to be 'shamed' for 'bouncing back into their size 8's'? Sounds about as likely as your womb snapping back the evening you give birth.

Sadly another to say for some women it is what happens. I can understand those that don't 'bounce back' feeling low about seeing it but i was slimmer a week after having my 3rd child than when I got pregnant. It was the only perk (aside from baby) of having hyperemesis for the 4th time, can I not be happy and celebrate that?

Sounds about as likely as your womb snapping back the evening you give birth

Exhibit A, after pains.

My womb did just (about) that and I would have taken every inch of it back to have not spent my first 3 days of motherhood trying to breastfeed whilst in excruciating pain that was worst than childbirth and vomiting.

@Mynotsoperfectlittlefamily

Sadly another to say for some women it is what happens. I can understand those that don't 'bounce back' feeling low about seeing it but i was slimmer a week after having my 3rd child than when I got pregnant. It was the only perk (aside from baby) of having hyperemesis for the 4th time, can I not be happy and celebrate that?

Of course women who regain their figure can be happy about it and if they want to, can show it off. However like any form of showing off, they can't expect it to get constant applause for it. They will get plenty of ego stroking affirmation from some quarters, plus their own sense of pride, but alongside that there will be people who don't like it because it makes them feel bad. The latter is hardly shaming them in the same way women who haven't achieved 'the ideal' are shamed. And this is totally different from influencers, who are just one long advert, and should no more be seen as a yardstick than the adverts for Disney World should be seen as a measure for family life.

Here's your clue... if you arrive in hospital in a size 8, you have more chance to stick to a size 8 post birth

if you have ballooned up to a size 14 or 16 (for whatever reasons, no one is pretending pregnancies are "fair" or equal"), then yes, you will probably struggle a lot more to put on a size 8 pair of jeans a few hours or days later.

Nothing wrong with being slim. And it's only human for other mothers to feel a twitch of jealousy when their own body struggled a bit more, but no more.

@Greendoonan

What gets me is that they’re always the lucky ones whose bodies go back. Mine is permanently damaged - it’ll never go back. I need a tummy tuck if I ever want to look anywhere near normal again.

This says it all. The fact that you think they're ‘lucky’ and that your body is ‘damaged’ and needs surgery to go back to ‘normal. When in reality your body isn’t damaged, it’s just different. The only lucky thing about giving birth is that our bodies have been capable of doing such a risky thing and the vast majority of mothers and babies survive relatively intact. Most of us do look ‘normal’ after giving birth. Whether we’re slim or overweight, most of us still have the odd stretch mark, have a flabby tummy (tucked into the skinny jeans), feel like our vaginas are now wide enough to get a bus through. OP, I totally get what you're saying and as for those who are telling you that you don't need to look at these images, shame on them for trying to shame you!

I totally understand what you are saying, it’s unfortunately the world we now live in, SM is everywhere and difficult to get away from. A PP was right, you’re getting responses to tell you how quickly they had their figures back along with anecdotal evidence as to why this is wasn’t a good thing, missing the point, presumably those of you commenting about being back in your skinny jeans 3 weeks post partum, we’re not whacking it all over SM this making women who don’t bounce straight back, and are more likely the norm, feel like they have failed or not done something they should have.
“Influencers” whatever they might be, to my mind, have a responsibility to be careful what they put online and I know when I was pregnant, I honestly didn’t know my body would still look pregnant for some time after because it isn’t talked about and it should be!. Thankfully some have gone the other way and posted some warts and all pictures, one day we might get there.

I don't think stretch marks are beautiful. Creating a baby is something that the whole animal kingdom is capable of so I don't see it as an achievement. You judging them for being slim is just as bad as judging new mothers for being obese.

Another one who thinks there's actually less pressure than there was in previous generations.
Yes there's all the "influencer" stuff, but that's pretty easy to ignore if you don't follow those people on Insta. Just as common now is the "real women" content showing mothers with c-section scars, large bellies, stretch marks and so on.

Compare that to the early 80s, where - as my mum tells me - the expectation was to snap back in 6 weeks to a pre-pregnancy weight, and the tailored, unforgiving, clothing of the era. Shes 5ft 6 and went back to her usual weight of 8st 7 straight after every one of her four pregnancies (or so she tells me)

When I gave birth to DC1, and was informed I shouldn't be eating so much cake as I should be focused on getting back in my jeans, I was a bit

No one seems to go mind the new brand of influences who flaunt being very overweight and unhealthy because they're "brave enough" to post semipornographic selfies every day. The constant stream of nude selfies is just sad and desperate regardless of one's body shape tho . There's a whole genre of instagrammers giving themselves a wedgie with their tiny knickers to make their hips to waist ratio look slimmer and more feminine

@Moomin12345

I don't think stretch marks are beautiful. Creating a baby is something that the whole animal kingdom is capable of so I don't see it as an achievement. You judging them for being slim is just as bad as judging new mothers for being obese.

Apparently stretch marks make you strong as "a tiger" or some total utter tosh.

I hate these patronising statements.

When you push it too far, you end up with women with genuine medical issues who are brainwashed into thinking it's normal, when they should insist on medical help and fix incontinence, pain and whatever damages has been done down there.

Fine to be warned your body will take a beating and it's probably going to take some time to recover - even Kate Middleton looked different - but you can bounce back. No one is pretending it will be easy for everybody.

Instagram is not real life. I often notice that when celebrities are papped in unstaged photos (those awful ones the DM post of people relaxing on a beach etc) they look completely different and much more normal. There’s a great body positive account I follow called @saggysara. She posts pictures in different poses to show how you can alter the look of your body and it’s proportions just through poses, sucking stomach in, you get the picture. Her point is it’s the same body and one look is not more worthy than the other.