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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want more

14 replies

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 14:27

I am late 30s and a SAHM but also work on an adhoc basis for my husband's business doing administration, book keeping so between 1-10 hours each week depending on how busy he is. I do all life admin which is fine, all washing, ironing, cook most nights and do most of the cleaning. My husband's business earns good money and we have a good life. Nice house, nice car, no real budget I need to stick to for food shopping etc. We have three children, eldest in Year 1, middle starts school this Sept and youngest next Sept. I've started feeling like I want to go back to work when the youngest starts school but I don't know if I'm being selfish because it would open up a whole host of things that we don't need to think about now like who would have the children if they are off school sick, summer holidays etc. I have recently started some volunteer work for a local foodbank initiative and have enjoyed it but I just feel dissatisfied at the moment and like I can achieve so much more than I am right now. My other issue is that I don't know what I want to do as a job. My work history is banking which I wouldn't want to return to. AIBU that I want more? Most of my friends work FT and think I'm crazy but they don't see the day to day monotony sometimes. Any ideas of careers I could maybe look at re-training for now ready for when DC3 starts school? Thanks if you took the time to read this!

OP posts:

unmarkedbythat · 12/02/2021 14:32

I don't know if I'm being selfish because it would open up a whole host of things that we don't need to think about now like who would have the children if they are off school sick, summer holidays etc

Wouldn't that mean your DH is currently being selfish as he works without having to think about those things? I bet you don't think that, so why would it be selfish for you to work?

YANBU at all. I never wanted to be a SAHP and even if we were rich I would want more than that. There is nothing wrong with being 100% fulfilled and happy as a SAHP and nothing wrong with not not being so and wanting to work, study etc.

Wrt to retraining, what interests you?

DinosaurDiana · 12/02/2021 14:35

I was a SAHM so I understand your frustration !
One question, if you were to go out to work would your DH pick up any house work or would you be doing that as well ?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/02/2021 14:37

YANBU. Things like sickness days, summer holidays, you just have to deal with it and work as a team. I'm a single mum and I manage it all.

Going back to work was the best thing I ever did. I work in admin for a manufacturer's, it's not high paid but I enjoy it.

Original poster

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 14:53

My husband would absolutely do more around the house, he probably did more than me before we had children because I worked much longer hours than him. He supports me going back to work if I want to. Due to the nature of his work it could be difficult for him to just leave a job if the school called but I guess he could cover holidays more easily as he works for himself so could plan around my working days. I've loved being at home up until about 6 months ago when I've started to get itchy feet. I know it sounds a bit cheesy but I want to do something more fulfilling than my previous jobs. The only reward from them was financial as it was all sales and targets. I looked at speech therapy as there are a lot of jobs local to me that are term time only but the training looked expensive vs the salary. I think I'd enjoy that type of work though.

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Original poster

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 14:54

@Waxonwaxoff0 do you mind me asking how you manage it?

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MyNameHasBeenTaken · 12/02/2021 15:11

A lot of jobs could be term time only.
If you asked at interview.
You could look at teacher training?
Specialist teacher?
Lots of chil/school related things
What do you enjoy?

Original poster

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 15:15

I'd like to work with disadvantaged children but I don't know in what way. I have a modern languages degree so thats why I thought of speech therapy. I think I need to do some more research. I always wanted to be a teacher when I was younger but the teacher threads on here have put me off!

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SleepingStandingUp · 12/02/2021 15:25

I feel you op, and I'm currently doing a science degree with OU with a view to going into teaching but then I had twins and now I question whether I could really handle it with 3 young kids in primary school having been a full time SAHP since eldest (also he 1) was born.
I looked up speech therapy and portage work but the route in seems long and winding and the pay not representative of that. I'd love to do portage because I see what a difference they made with DS. Or working in a hospital as entertainment / teaching.
And like you, DH doesn't worry about hospital appts, sickness or school holidays so it makes me nervous.

I'd go back to being 16 - write down all possible jobs. Then the careers training path. Costs. Can you do it distance learning? Etc

Waxonwaxoff0 · 12/02/2021 15:43

[quote Dazedandconfused2021]@Waxonwaxoff0 do you mind me asking how you manage it?[/quote]
I pay for a breakfast club and holiday club in the school holidays, I negotiated my working hours to finish at 2.30 so I can do all school pick ups. I take all my annual leave during school holidays. Admittedly I only have one child though so it is easier!

Original poster

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 15:44

Wow you've got your hands full! That's the difficulty I have that my life is so stress free but at the same time not very exciting. Also because we don't 'need' the money it actually makes the leap more difficult. We went through a bad patch last year though and it made me realise that I would quite like my own income just in case we ever split.

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Original poster

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 15:45

@Waxonwaxoff0 thanks for answering :)

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WatchWatch · 12/02/2021 15:52

YANBU. I work because I want to and I like it. We outsource lots of stuff like gardening and cleaning and it makes life easier.

Ponoka7 · 12/02/2021 17:04

It's not just about splitting. I was Widowed in my 30's with three children. I'm now much more poorer than I would have been had I followed the ambitions that I wanted to. I was like you, we had enough money to live on and a good balance. So I thought why upset things. You do need to imagine your DH not working (my DH had a brain tumour and we had gone through savings long before his death) and what life would look like in ten years time. It gets more difficult to make changes as you get older.

Original poster

Dazedandconfused2021 · 12/02/2021 17:08

@Ponoka7 I'm sorry for your loss, that must have been awful. I'd never even considered his death. We have life insurance but that wouldn't leave much after the mortgage is paid.
I've been speaking to my Mum and she's suggested maybe setting up my own business so I would still have flexibility so I will explore that more.

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