To think we are collectively at the end of our tether?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Hear me out folks, I know another whinge about this isn't particularly welcome but I'm hoping someone can tell me I'm unreasonable and shine some light in the dark...

The past two weeks I can say hand on heart, I have not spoken to a single person who hasn't hit a wall with everything corona related. Everyone is entirely miserable, including myself.

I'm having to move house this month, whilst home schooling my little girl, no family near by to lend a hand even if they were allowed, relationship with DH is stretched to the max, I couldn't attend the funeral of a close relative and watching the webcast of it yesterday just tipped me over the edge, it really did. Oh and I'm 14 weeks pregnant to boot.

The funeral... it just hit me in the worst possible way. Bad enough I couldn't attended (either a ferry or a plan journey away followed by a few hours on a train) but seeing my father break down crying, watching it online when all I wanted was to support him? It broke me. I've maybe seen him cry twice in 32 years.

I'm utterly dejected and sad. There is not a single thing I can fall back on to prop me up, not having a friend over, not meeting for a coffee, I can't even go for a swim or a gym session to destress. All whilst having to keep on a happy face for the benefit of my child because she's lost so much already the last thing she needs is her mother losing her grip on it all.

Someone tell me it's going to get better? That all this doom and gloom in the news is just the government keeping out expectations low to keep us all in line. Tell me summer will be better.

Tell me anything to take the sting out of all this.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your relative, OP

As for the rest of it, you're not alone. I have completely hit a wall this week, and I think I've handled the last year pretty well. I feel irritable, listless, lonely and guilty that my two year old is, I suspect, feeling the same.

For me, the worst thing is the sense that there's no end in sight. The optimism that came with the remarkable vaccine rollout by the NHS has been swiftly pissed on by the alarm about new variants. But this can't go on forever, can it?! I'm the most law abiding, goodie two shoes you could hope to meet but once my parents and in-laws are vaccinated there's no way I'll stick to the current rules.

So - no pearls of wisdom I'm afraid, just some solidarity that you are far from alone in feeling like this.

You are not being unreasonable . Depression is awful at any time and mostly we get by with support from friends and family. In these times we lose the basic contact with others and it feels impossible. You keep going because of your child and can have some hope that things will improve with the next one. They will need and want the cuddles and love that you can give. I would love to have that sense of hope that children can bring but understand how hopeless you must be feeling. For me taking small actions as a feminist keeps me going .

I know I will get criticised for saying this, but I'm going to say it anyway.

It helps me to count my blessings. Millions of people are living miserable lives right now. And also dealing with Coronavirus too. Refugees living in tents with no knowledge of when they can settle somewhere and resume their lives. People living through war or the aftermath of war. People living in places where females have few rights. Myanmar right now, where no one knows what the future hold.

It is ok to feel upset about the shit you are going through right now. What we are going through in the uk is really difficult. I'm sorry to hear about what you have experienced op. You have every right to be upset and feel down. Many people in the uk are really suffering right now.

Personally, I find it helps to remember that despite the awful situation that we're in, the vast majority of people in this country have more stability that millions of others. I realise that not everyone finds this way of thinking helpful to them.

Plus we WILL get through this, and you will be able to do those things that make you happy again. And you will have a wonderful baby to cuddle.

You are having a hard time. However there are people who are just going to work and getting on with things as usual. Living for the weekend and time away from the screen and deadlines.
Read the vaccine thread. That's very positive and uplifting. I am getting ready for spring, decluttering, cleaning, yoga, sorting out clothes for when we can frequent restaurants and coffee shops again. Can't wait!

I feel the same op.

I haven't broken any rules whatsoever, and have been working throughout with a big smile on my face.

I think I've been a pretty model citizen actually - resilient, optimistic, doing the right thing.

The vaccine rollout had massively raised my expectations - good news at last, a way out of it. Id started to think that I might be able to make a UK trip this summer to see my parents, who I haven't seen for well over a year.

When I saw the news, and all the gloomy forecasts, I cried. I feel that, once the vulnerable are protected, I can't understand why we can't start easing restrictions. Will anyone have any appetite for maintaining this once vulnerable people are protected, and less likely to need hospital treatment?

Yanbu Op, it’s hard. Antihop, thank you for the reminder, I needed that.

You’re not alone at all. 💐

Come and join us here for some mutual support.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a4162605-To-in-actual-fact-be-grieving-life-before-Covid-and-our-collective-lost-future?msgid=104595035#104595035

It’ll be alright in 5 or 6 weeks, OP. Try to hold onto that.

Everyone I spoke to this week is also at the end of their tether too! Parents, single people, elderly neighbours even the dog looks miserable most days....

I got up early this morning so I could go back to bed at lunchtime 😂

It's really ok and understandable to feel knocked down by all this, but it is going to get better. We have vaccines, we have actual treatments for the disease so people are less likely to die from it. We've kept the lights on and the food coming. We're going to be ok.

Yanbu.. for me the cruelest thing about the pandemic is the inability of people to attend funerals...awful. i know 3 non covid people who died who deserved to have a bigger send off.

I'm not doing that badly, I'm just bored stiff. I'm also really concerned about the way Britain is going with this loss of freedoms, discouragement of hope of getting back to normal, constantly changing goalposts and police acting heavy handedly (the video of the poor young man on his way to work on the BBC website being bundled into a police car).

What really upsets me is people saying we are better off than during WW2 (erm, thats why human rights were introduced after WW2, to stop us going the way of communist countries) or "if only people would obey the regulations we would be free of covid (doubtful) and worst of all, I was really upset last week when someone told me to "go and work in a hospital to find out what covid is really like". I've not only had covid, I've worked throughout the lockdown, mostly face to face, and I had just finished work and was relaxing when someone said that.

I'm so tired trying to work under difficult conditions and being told to and work in a hospital was so ignorant, it was unbelievable. Perhaps they would like to go and do my job for me? (its really difficult and technical and I had just finished unpaid overtime the evening of that comment too). Some of us contribute by paying tax and national insurance to keep the country going!

I have noticed a real collective hitting of wall too. All the relatives I call are miserable. The teachers where i work look close to nervous breakdowns. The parents calling in all sound slightly hysterical. My friends face book posts are all quite hard going and all the memes are about how crap it all is.

People aren't really contacting me for a chat as there is no point as they haven't done anything and neither have I.

I think its the dark and the weather and the not knowing when schools will return. It will pick up soon.

Tbh I think that the government and MSM are over egging it with the doom and gloom and its backfiring.

I get that they don't want us to get our hopes up in case of something going majorly wrong. And they don't want us thinking "aah everything's fine now" as the nhs is still under too much pressure and not enough people have been vaccinated yet. But I think they are pushing us too far and snatching away all hope which is just making people think "fuck it, there is no end to this so I'd better get back to living my life'. Or, even worse, plummeting people's mental health even further.

It's all manipulation basically. It's a fine balance and I think they are over doing it atm.

Not collectively, no.

Our family will continue to do what needs to be done for the best of the NHS and the elderly/vulnerable.

End of.

Seeing your dad cry like that must have been so distressing op. I am so sorry. YADNBU to feel this is too much, of course it is, for any normal sane person that has feelings, of course anyone would be upset. It is the isolation, and bereavement in isolation is the pits.

You are not alone, we are all feeling it now, even the most chirpy people.

Self care needs to happen and plenty of it, particularly as you are pregnant. Warm baths, stretching, pilates for pregnancy on line and planning for the summer, when things will be better no matter how bleak it looks today.

We are nearly there op, and you have more than most to look forward to in terms of distractions! A beautiful baby! Hire some help if you need to with the move, don't flinch at the cost, and then spend the time in your new place nesting and getting ready.

It's hard but no, everyone I know is managing, as are we.

The new variants did change the goal posts and that does mean altered restrictions to hang on to the longer term benefits of the vaccine. I'm still very encouraged by the rate of uptake and positive about life slowly getting back to a new normal. This is probably the hardest part.

We’re all feeling the same, I have worked throughout it all so still have some normality, but just sick of it now. I do feel that the government and media are deliberately trying to make things sound worse than they are, so that people who are vaccinated still stick to the rules. This cannot go on forever, once people are vaccinated we have to get back to normal, or I think people will rebel (I know I will!)

It's miserable.

But we can manage, and it won't be much longer.

Don't despair.

Historically, after there have been hard times like this there’s generally a big boom afterwards. The news is reporting that Britain is like a coiled spring ready to release. It gives me hope that there’ll be good times in the near future. I’m trying to focus on preparing for it because that’s all I can do right now.

Thanks so much everyone for the kind words, it's really made a difference to my afternoon. I'm going to get a cuppa and read through them all properly now.

I don't want to be a moaner, I really do try to see the positives, it just seems to be getting hated by the day.

I'll reply properly when I've read all the lovely replies

Moan away, best place for it! We have been come moansnet over the last few weeks, and with bloody good reason.

Enjoy your tea and maybe a slice of something nice. We are at the worst part, the darkness before dawn - things will soon be much better.
R is now officially under one! So at least Chris Whitty will be happy today even if the rest of us stop caring some time ago! :)

become

You poor thing I know exactly how you feel. I have a 3 month old and a toddler so was pregnant all during lockdown 1 and had her the first day of lockdown 2. The whole situation is utterly fucking shit beyond belief. My parents live abroad too. I think you are right that people have mostly had enough. On MN there seems to be lots who will do this as long as they are asked but most people I know IRL are done and we are starting to see more people. My FIL is having his vaccine today and we will start seeing them again in 3 weeks or so. I think come summer the government will see this lockdown has run its course, the economy needs to restart, and people wont comply en masse anymore. It will get better. For now, all we can do is see people sensibly (maybe a distanced walk at the park) to keep our sanity, give ourselves nice things like baths and chocolate, and try to see the weather getting better next week as a sign that the sun is coming.

Honestly, if it doesnt come, I will be ignoring lockdowns and resuming friendships come spring. My toddler will be seeing her little friends again (she probably doesnt remember them now). I cant see my family, that is out of my hands, like you, but we do still have choices.