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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big problem

25 replies

Mangymoora · 12/02/2021 09:19

So I live in Holland and my mum lives in the uk. I’m due baby no 4 in 3 weeks and my dh has just started a new job so he’s not allowed any paternity leave.
My oldest just turned 3.
I need my mum to come over so she can look after my dc when I go into labour. I know only essential travel allowed. My question is, would this be classesd as essential? ☹️

OP posts:
dididodo · 12/02/2021 09:25

Can't your dh just take a sick day/ unpaid day when you are in the hospital? I'm not sure it would be deemed essential.

Meowtha · 12/02/2021 09:27

DH needs to take a few days annual/unpaid leave.

justanotherneighinparadise · 12/02/2021 09:29

I thought the EU was particularly hot on paternal rights? He needs to approach his new employer and talk to them.

Royalbloo · 12/02/2021 09:29

I wouldn't think so if you can find someone else to have them who lives here

Original poster
Mangymoora · 12/02/2021 09:30

I suppose he could do. But at the same time due to this being a new job, it might not be possible. We are thinking of other potential outcomes, such as; things going wrong during labour or baby being sick etc.

OP posts:
dididodo · 12/02/2021 09:33

@Mangymoora heaven forbid you were in a car crash tomorrow or you had to be put on bed rest etc he would need to sort something out with work. Unpaid, annual leave etc etc both are possible no matter how new you are to a job!! I have done both. Don't be that person who thinks they are an exception to the rules

DynamoKev · 12/02/2021 09:38

I thought the EU was particularly hot on paternal rights?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

justanotherneighinparadise · 12/02/2021 09:51

@DynamoKev

I thought the EU was particularly hot on paternal rights?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Are they not? I thought it was joining the EU that brought with it all our maternity rights?
THNG5 · 12/02/2021 09:53

My parents live in Belgium and my mum came over 3 times during the first lockdown as my sister had a mental breakdown. Only once did a (French) official ask her what she was doing.
You are allowed to ask for help for childbirth (if you were in UK) so I can't see how this is different. I would just say to check out whatever rules Holland has in place at the moment (covid test etc).

TailEndCharlie · 12/02/2021 10:18

It isn't possible to get to NL from the UK at the moment unless you are a bloody pilot! The exemptions list is now tiny and your mum wouldn't fall under any of it. I can't get back to my flat in The Hague to clear it so I can give it up as we can't get there to use it! (DH usually works out there during the week and we all lived there / were at school there until the Covid disaster!). I think your DH needs put all the kids into nursery for the days over labour? Or take unpaid leave / WFH. Jump the what if hurdle when you need to. But the simple answer - your mum can't get there to provide childcare when your DH can do it. And no the Dutch really dont think childbirth is anything to worked up by.

MatildaTheCat · 12/02/2021 10:24

You’ll need to hire local help. A doula or mother’s help for a few weeks might work.

It’s crap though. DS is in NL and might as well be NZ.

BlueTimes · 12/02/2021 10:25

No, it wouldn’t be essential. I’m sorry. Is there a friend or neighbour you can ask? Otherwise I think you will have to arrange some formal childcare for your child for labour, your DH will have to arrange time off or else you will need to arrange (and risk) a home birth.

DavidsSchitt · 12/02/2021 10:29

Nope. Nice try though

MadeOfStarStuff · 12/02/2021 10:38

No it’s not essential

DH will need to sort annual or unpaid leave with his employer or you’ll need to hire local help.

ZaraW · 12/02/2021 10:42

YABU you need to sort out childcare locally. I'm overseas and haven't seen my family and friends in over a year.

autumncountryleaves · 12/02/2021 10:51

YABU, this is not essential travel.

Your DH needs to take time off, unpaid or otherwise, or you need to source local childcare.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 12/02/2021 11:46

Can someone point me to where in the law it says that only "essential travel" is allowed?

My reading is that travel is allowed with a "reasonable excuse".

However, from the Netherlands website it appears that they would not allow the Pop's mother entry.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 12/02/2021 11:47

Sorry, should read OP's mother.

Original poster
Mangymoora · 12/02/2021 11:57

Thank you everyone. I’m sure I’m just overthinking everything. Your comments have helped and yes I’ll look into professional help.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 12/02/2021 12:47

Four children under the age of four Shock
I hope you get the help you need OP Flowers

nimbuscloud · 12/02/2021 12:49

I agree your dh will need to take unpaid leave .

clockstopper · 12/02/2021 12:51

Your DP timed that badly didn't he Shock I hope you get some professional care to help out.

3JsMa · 12/02/2021 13:08

The only travel ban is on holidays and leisure travel,so your mum's travel may be classed as essential.
If you are travelling to the UK it states that you have to provide an evidence of negative Covid test result,done up to 3 days prior to yourney.
You also have to isolate for 10 days with the rest of the household.Do you think your DH will be allowed to take time off to isolate?
However,it may be worth checking Dutch guidance first.

Chloemol · 12/02/2021 13:22

Sorry I don’t this your mother meets the Netherlands criteria to visit anyway
www.government.nl/topics/coronavirus-covid-19/visiting-the-netherlands-from-abroad/exemptions-to-the-entry-ban

And at the moment she would need to isolate on her return, but what happens if she gets caught up in having to go into full quarantine at a hotel? Could she afford to pay?

To me it’s non essential, you have a husband he will have to sort something

dididodo · 12/02/2021 13:39

@TailEndCharlie makes a point, the only way she COULD get to you is by Eurostar

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