To worry about DS being ‘the weird kid’

[ScatteredMama82]

ScatteredMama82

Sorry, this will probably ramble a bit, but I can’t sleep and I want to put it into words. My DS1 is in yr 6, he has a couple of friends in school and his ‘best’ mate is from another school (known each other since nursery). Generally he’s not great at making friends, he’s not good at talking to people and can sometime come across as a bit daft (making unfunny jokes at the wrong moments, that kind of thing). I think he’s quite immature emotionally, and he doesn’t pick up on sarcasm or little jibes/digs. There is a girl at school (the class queen bee) who has been tormenting him a bit, and I think she is beginning to turn people against him. Even his ‘good’ friends have said some unkind things, ran away from him in the playground etc (this was before Christmas obviously). Now, at what point do I get involved? I was bullied at school and left out of many things, it was awful so I am aware I’m projecting my own experiences into him. Is this teasing and shifting of friendship groups normal? It is hard just now as I would normally try to help reinforce friendships by having people round etc but we can’t do that just now. He seems quite happy to be honest, before Christmas he might come home one day a bit sad about something that had been said/done, but the next day he’s off to school happy as Larry and they are all mates again. Am I worrying about nothing? He once said to me he felt like the weird kid, and everyone else at school has more friends than him. I just want to protect him, keep him happy and safe 😞

@demelza82

Literally all of these responses are just suggesting pandering to bullies and unpleasant behaviour of others which is depressing

'Literally all'? What thread are you on?

OP sounds tough. Girls can be bitches. My poor dh was teased mercilessly by a girl right through high school - she encouraged others too. His sister said she wish she had been at same school and she would have slapped her. I hated high school as was the unpopular smart kid. Once lockdown eases perhaps encourage him to make friends outside of school. I made best friends through guides (he could try scouts), st john ambulance cadets, air cadets, etc.

I don't think it should all be blamed on the girl. Why so many unpleasant remarks about a 10/11year old none of us know? Maybe OPs son (inadvertently) behaves towards her in a way she finds upsetting and that is how she responds?

We can't control anyone else's behaviour - I find it hard enough to manage my own!

Nor can we expect everyone to like us.

I think it is useful for all of us to remember this. If he is socially awkward, and lots of us are, he can be helped to understand how others may misconstrue his behaviour and learn to modify it. A conversation with the class teacher may help to explore classroom dynamics - maybe they are already aware of son's unhappiness but if not it's now been raised.

Lastly it is not essential to have lots of friends or even a 'tribe' many, many people live happy productive lives with very few intimates it does not mean they are failing despite what the media would have us believe.....