To find this petty

[Magschoice]

So last year was pretty horrendous for my family.

3 immediate family members took very unwell, a couple of shock cancer diagnosis’s and two went into hospital for operations in December. I was left holding the fort while working full time and honestly don’t know how I got through the last few months of the year, especially December. I was emotionally and physically exhausted

We decided not to do Christmas as a result but we made some effort were presents were concerned however nowhere near what we would on a normal year. Most people were understanding however one friend has pretty much cut down on all contact since December.

I believe it’s because I didn’t get her a Christmas or birthday present. She used to phone me every day and I haven’t heard from her in jan/feb.

I’ve texted her a few times and I get short replies or one word answers. I’ve asked her is something wrong & tried to drop into conversation multiple times about how Christmas was a terrible time & I feel awful for having not put the same effort in this year

Aibu for thinking my friend isn’t very understanding if she’s cut contact because of the lack of presents?

I should mention I did still remember her birthday and texted on Christmas. I do feel tremendously guilty that I didn’t make more effort but I was hoping to take her out when all this ends for a belated birthday treat

I was going to send flowers last week but she moved house temporarily & I didn’t have her new address. When I text to ask where she was staying she never replied

Don't feel awful for looking after yourself, you needed to prioritise yourself where you could to be strong for those relying on you.

What does your friend reply when you ask whats wrong? Is she ok?

If everything is fine and you're finding this friendship draining then just stop making the effort. Sounds like it will save you a fortune at Christmas.

She's no friend of yours. I wouldn't waste one more second on her.

If that is the case then yes it’s very very petty. Could she be going through some stuff herself though? Have you phoned her? If so what happens? Does she have a partner and what are they like if so? I feel like i’ve been in hibernation mode since christmas, I haven’t texted people as much or been active on social media etc, i just feel like i have nothing to say.

I hope your family members are or soon will be doing better since their treatment started. That’s a lot to cope with.

She sounds childish and entitled if she is indeed being elusive over presents. Could there be any other reason that you know of for her behaviour? Relationship problems etc? Why was she moving?

She moved because her boiler leaked and she couldn’t find an engineer to come and fix it for 5 weeks. We live in a remote area so there I doubt there are many engineers who would be available.

She lives on her own, but her family home is in the next field. I know her parents from when we were young and my family regularly keep in contact; there’s nothing wrong as far as I’m aware. She is posting regularly on Instagram & Facebook hence my conclusion that it’s something I’ve done.

We have spoken every day for the last 6 months and then after Christmas pretty much nothing.

She did get me presents so I think she probably feels let down

I hope you're mistaken about her motives for being distant but if you're not then it's really no loss. If a friend of mine had faced all that I would be surprised to receive a text never mind a card or present and I'd have been in regular contact to make sure my friend knew I was there if they needed me. It would be quite immature and insensitive for her to sulk under the circumstances.

I hope your family members are getting treatment and recovered from surgery.

That's pathetic and I'd think far less of her for it.

To compare, my father has been in touch less and less over the last few years, didn't get any response to my message over xmas, he never thanked me for his present, I didn't hear from him for my birthday, DCs haven't heard from him for 3 birthdays now.

I've recently found out it's because 1 xmas I got him a cheap present. Never mind all the others plus fathers day that I am his only child to still have bothered with etc. Nope, the 1 xmas (I was struggling and announced my divorce days later) I was just trying to get through and made less effort than usual with presents and he's almost gone LC with me. I'm going to be pretty much NC over this final straw so I'd not think twice over dropping a friend over something so pathetic. You deserve better friends and shouldn't worry about her so much, she isn't worrying about you and you are having a tough time of it.