To bribe my daughter??

[Dogsandbiscuits]

My daughter is in her GCSE year. Obviously not doing gcses but being assessed on her online work and tests.
She has just completely lost interest, every day is a battle and I dont know what to do. She is such a bright girl and was doing brilliantly until lockdown.
I've tried to explain to her how important these grades are but shes just not interested. It's a hard time for her, not being able to see her friends and shes quite down.
Her teachers are very concerned and I get emails almost every day. They are being supportive but can only do so much.
She just will not get up in the morning- classes dont start till 9 so not early. I start work at 10 so cant do much then. She will do a couple of classes in the afternoon but is putting in minimum effort.
The only thing I can think of is bribery! Maybe getting her to catch up in the evening and at weekends.
My other thought is that shes 16, she knows what shes supposed to be doing and if shes not doing it she needs to deal with the consequences. I'm just worried for her future.
Would be interested to get a view from people going through similar. I cant be the only one!

I’d bribe if that’s what it takes.

Have you considered she is showing classic symptoms of depression and that bribery will therefore not work?

I would bribe if you think that would help. But you might find confiscating her phone and only giving it back after she has been to class might help more. She sounds like she might be depressed so maybe speak to the doctor / encourage her to excerise.

She isn’t the only one.
I wonder if colleges will let them ‘re-take’ their maths and English. My DD was offered to re-take hers a couple of years ago, and her results were ok.

Perhaps have a word with her teachers as well as her GP - might it be possible for her to go into school a bit - might help her to have a bit of human interaction as she does sound rather depressed.

...your daughter sounds depressed. Complete lack of interest in stuff she usually cares about, sleeping more, zero motivation, all classic signs.

Bribery could make her feel worse, because there's every chance she can't just snap out of it and get her act together, and then she'll feel like she's doubly failing.

Try sitting down with her, talking about how hard the pandemic has been, especially for teens, and asking whether she thinks she's getting enough support or whether she thinks she could do with a bit of an extra boost. Suggest you both have a call with your GP and discuss what extra help she could get. Have a look into apps/resources for teens, school might be able to direct you.

What are her plans after GCSEs? Is it A levels? Will she get the grades she needs to do those if she continues down this path? Could any of her friends talk to her about it? Are they engaging with school work?

It is a fact that she is not alone, however there are also children who are engaging with school work. She is not being her future friend.

What is it she is doing instead of school work?

Can she go some of the work with a mate via Zoom. Lots of extroverted children are much happier when they’re working with someone else.

I had this with my eldest son and that was 3 yrs ago, pre pandemic.

He was difficult to wake so i started waking him at 6.30 am as i had to leave at 7am for work, making sure he was well awake before i left. He was exceptionally bright but spent all night on his phone, thought he could wing it. He was arrogant. Made no effort at sch or homework. I turned off Wifi etc but he used what was then 3G! Had all the arguments. Waking him earlier did start to pay off as he was falling asleep earlier.

I finally offered £100 reward per GCSE grade C and above , soon motivated him. The higher the grade the more it was worth by £50 increments. He stepped up then and on results day ... he achieved A's,B's and C's. I transferred him £1050k on results day. He immediately bought a pair of Yeezeys and took all his mates to Nandos! He is doing well now for an IT company in London and just bought himself a new car!

After GCSE's he went onto to A levels. Same bribe... Worked!

He did not go to uni but secured a good commercial IT based apprenticeship in London. He is now doing an IT programming and hardware apprenticeship and course for a large famous org, paid for by his employers.

Unsurprisingly he is not messing them about! He wakes up on time, goes in, does the work! If he doesn't he is out!

Yes do bribe her - it’s such a grind being motivated during these dark days- the last thing she needs is more pressure on her. I told mine that there are plenty of other vocational courses they could take into really interesting subjects which lead directly to great careers and chose a few I knew she would like to take the pressure off so that she felt whatever happened there would be a way forward for her. It worked for me- she did really well! The money she got for passing was also well received. Sometimes they get into panic mode and you have to let them know there is a way through without giving them reason to fail.

Same boat here. I’ve started bribery!! £10 a week to register on line. £40 for vast improvements on weekly reports, £20 for improvements. Seems to be working quite well so far.

Whatever works. If she's lost what usually motivates her and replacing it with money or another type of reward is a perfectly good idea.

I know there's a school of thought that we should 'help' A level aged kids learn about managing their own workloads etc but I work in L&D and we spend plenty of time working with managers to help them learn how to motivate staff, how to manage workloads, and helping staff learn time management skills. It's not the be all and end all for teenagers, especially now.

Thank you for commenting.
We have spoken about depression, as have the school and they offered her counselling. Shes says shes not depressed. To answer some questions- She spends a lot of time on her phone but is not up overly late. She will cook lunch or have a bath when she is supposed to be on a lesson.
Shes applied for 6th form to do a levels.
I think I'll mention it all to her and go from there.
Was thinking of setting up an account for her and adding to it weekly if shes doing the work, then she could have extra if she gets good grades. I'll see what other things she thinks would help. The school said they would have her come in for a couple of days a week as a last resort.

So many of my wonderful Y11s are like this- it's breaking my heart as I know it's not laziness, they're just struggling so much. Some of them are left alone in the house all day with nothing to do but stare at a computer. I don't think I'd be able to get out of bed either. I agree with others that working with a friend could be a good solution.

I don't know if this will help but my parents bribed me with money for both my GCSEs and A levels (many moons ago!) and it totally worked with me. Peer pressure, talks about future prospects etc did nothing. But the idea that I could buy things (at the time it was flights) after my exams was all that I needed to pull my socks up. I will ever be thankful to my parents for recognising what would motivate me.