AIBU to think that 'using a surrogate' is gross turn of phrase

[OhHolyJesus]

Case in point...

Kerry Catona

"She told new! magazine in September: 'I think it'd be really selfish when I have five amazing, to get pregnant again knowing how I almost died in labour last time. Why put myself through that when I could go through surrogacy? So watch this space."

Is it not more selfish to use a woman's body and reproductive system for a 6th child with you're new partner because you nearly died giving birth to the 5th?

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-9247681/Kerry-Katona-says-use-surrogate-decides-kids-fianc-Ryan-Mahoney.html

I find it amazing that a woman (and Kerry Katina isn't alone, Kim Kardashian is another that springs to mind) who claims they nearly died in childbirth then thinks it's OK to pay another woman to take the risk.

Also the fact that many of these people talk about "using" a surrogate says it all. That word "Use" speaks volumes. Also I always add the word mother to surrogate - the concept of birth mother is well accepted in adoption and I don't see why it should be different in surrogacy. Except commissioning users don't like to think of the woman they bought a baby from as a mother.

I think having a child via surrogacy is incredibly selfish.

Surrogacy is illegal in much of Europe for bloody good reason!

And why on earth does KK want anymore? I’m guessing it’s because the new bloke hasn’t had any of his own yet.

It's not the turn of phrase that bothers me at all, it's the ethical issues around surrogacy. "Use a surrogate" is actually a very accurate phrase which makes clear the nature of what is happening- someone is being used. Far better than dressing it up with fluffy language that allows those hiring a woman's body to pretend it's an entirely equal and beautiful arrangement in which no one is being exploited.

I once seriously considered acting as a surrogate for a close friend and decided in the end I don't love anyone other than my children enough to risk my life and wellbeing for them. If I had wanted to go ahead, there would have been no financial exploitation and I would have been acting from a desire to help my friend and not through a need of money... but the vast majority of surrogacy situations are pure exploitation of women who are poor and desperate.

It can go the other way way as well.... I read about a very interesting case where a woman called Louise Pollard extracted thousands out of desperate couples in the U.K. a few years ago by pretending to be pregnant with their surrogate children.

The whole thing is messed up anyway and should be illegal.

She is trash. I'm on the fence about surrogacy for a few reasons
I'm glad it exists for those who are infertile but it is abused by some as a second option to keep their body in shape or they didn't want DC till late 40's "rent a womb".
Many of the parents delayed collecting surrogate babies during the pandemic were passed the age of naturally fertility.
Surrogacy is an amazing gift.
I don't think it is fair for a women to become a Surrogate as an escape from poverty. Ukraine I see you
Plenty of abandoned DC in Ukraine too it is sad.

Louise Pollard sounded like had been used herself too tbh.
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-devon-27868511

Its incredibly selfish.

The first part is totally right, she's got 5 dc and nearly died in childbirth. It would be selfish to go through another pregnancy. But the next sentence? Why put herself at risk when she could take advantage of and exploit another woman? Using a surrogate tbh seems the right turn of phrase to sum up their attitude to other womens bodies.

I think having a child via surrogacy is incredibly selfish.

I had a period of problems carrying pregnancies (no issues with eggs/sperm etc). My sister always said if we couldnt get there, she would carry a baby for me. Luckily we didnt need it in the end, but how is it selfish? I was so grateful she would offer that for me and if the tables had been turned I would do it for her any day.

@HeidiHaughton I don’t deny it went both ways at various points but the fact is she lied about positive tests/miscarriages while extracting money. I don’t think the couples ‘buying’ covered themselves in glory either, but they were certainly given a lot of false hope.

@Emeraldshamrock you don't think its fair for women to become a surrogate to espape poverty? With all due respect who do you think is going to be becoming surrogates?

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I think having a child via surrogacy is incredibly selfish.

I had a period of problems carrying pregnancies (no issues with eggs/sperm etc). My sister always said if we couldnt get there, she would carry a baby for me. Luckily we didnt need it in the end, but how is it selfish? I was so grateful she would offer that for me and if the tables had been turned I would do it for her any day.

Because pregnancy carries risks. Women die during pregnancy. It can cause lifelong complications. A foetus in utero is connected to the women gestating it biologically and the link lasts a lifetime. Why would anyone want to put someone else's health and life at risk so they can have a baby to keep for themselves?

@HeidiHaughton

I think having a child via surrogacy is incredibly selfish.

Quite - it's not just the "turn of phrase" that is gross.

you don't think its fair for women to become a surrogate to espape poverty? With all due respect who do you think is going to be becoming surrogates?
A friend, Sister, cousin, someone who'd love to give parents the gift of their womb for expenses.
Meaning it shouldn't be a business.
If no one is willing to offer then that is the end of it.
Infertility is awful exploiting poverty is just as cruel.

The off-setting of personal risk through a financial arrangement to another is exploitive and an absolute abuse of their power. I find it very disturbing that this is becoming more commonplace in certain circles.

I think it's one thing having a child via surrogacy because it's the only way you can have a child ,but it's quite another to have a sixth child via surrogacy just because you can and why bring another child into her already fucked up life anyway totally selfish.

It may be the only way to have a biological child for some people.
There are other routes to 'having a child' that don't involve making someone gestate a foetus based on your express wish.
I think it takes a certain level of ego to take a sister or friend up on an offer of surrogacy so you have have what you want.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s surrogate was hounded by the press, house broken into, chased by the paps, phone and computer hacked...apparently she was treated by the couple ‘very generously’ but still had to go through all that!

Surrogacy itself is gross.

all surrogacy should be illegal. Even altruistic surrogacy.

No-one has the right to have a biological child, and just because something can be done, doesn’t mean that it should

So sometimes people can’t have children. Well sorry but sadly sometimes that’s life.

And does anyone ever given consideration to the children born of these arrangements. I don’t see any accounts anywhere of the products of surrogacy saying what a wonderful gift someone gave their mother by carrying them etc etc etc.

It might be the only way some people can have a biological child but that doesn't give you an excuse to use someone else's body.

Its not like renting a room from your sister. Its not like your life depends on it. No one has the right to a biological child unfortunately.

I think it's one thing having a child via surrogacy because it's the only way you can have a child ,but it's quite another to have a sixth child via surrogacy
Yes I agree and celebrities change the narrative too.

[quote DishedUp]@Emeraldshamrock you don't think its fair for women to become a surrogate to espape poverty? With all due respect who do you think is going to be becoming surrogates?[/quote]
I don't think it's fair, no. Surrogacy is little different to prostitution - it's the selling of your body, someone using their money to buy your body to use for their benefit.

It's no more just for a woman to sell her body to escape poverty via surrogacy than it is via selling herself for sex. The thing that needs fixing is the woman being in poverty in the first place.