To think about dropping seeing my friends as much 'cos they're all so much richer than me

[Lauriefairycake]

I love all of them, they have just the same problems with relationships/life as I do and we are a good emotional support to each other when we need it.

But the gap in our circumstances is just huge - I went out to lunch with them today and we were all admiring her new tiffany bracelet (6 carats - £22k) and I just felt this real pang of envy which is still giving me gyp tonight.

Until a month ago (when I got a part time job paying me the princely sum of £620 a month) I couldn't even have afforded the tenner the lunch would have cost.

I think what's bothering me is that I know I am never going to better my circumstances to their million pound houses and new range rover (not that i want a range rover).

On my second marriage, to a teacher so can only just pay our interest only mortgage, haven't had a holiday since our honeymoon 4 years ago, I just know we will struggle to ever even move to a repayment mortgage in next 5 years

I know I'm just being a whinging bitch, and maybe its just having seen them today that it feels so fresh.

But am i being unreasonable to want to move up north, find a house we can actually afford the mortgage to, and see less of them ?

Normally every day I'm happy with my lot and who I am, just not today........

By the way if you all feel like slapping me in the face with a wet fish and telling me to get over myself that will be fine

Today will pass and you'll feel yourself again tomorrow. Honestly, what exactly does one do with a 22K bracelet, apart from worry about losing it and worrying that the people who see it don't appreciate it was 22K and might think it's a Monet job for £40 (or a Dorothy Perkins one for less)?

Snigger - I'm lucky in that I have a few friends like this and more that are not - I laugh when they do 'loaded Mummy' routines and just imagine for a moment...mmmm....nice car....mmmm....out to lunch 5 times a week....mmmmm....oh well - that was nice for a couple of moments. Try not to sweat it, although it's difficult if you're the only 'normal one'!!

really, come on, get over yourself. would you rather have friends with whom you have nothing in common but who are in the same income bracket?

Everyone needs to learn to be happy with themselves. Envy is a terrible thing.

Ohhh when will you accept your life
The one that you ha-ate (if I rmeember right)

I probably should do just that laurie - slap you with a harring . But I can't because then I'd have to do the same to myself.... I have friends who all seem to have got more and more wealthy as the years have gone by. We haven't. We struggle constantly. Mine was the main wage and I went part-time when 3rd child was botn and my career prospects went for a burton too.

I would sooo like to be spoiled ..just once >.

But I think you would miss your friends in reality. Unless there are other overwhelming reasons to move away, money probably isn't enough.

No LFC - I have days where the big green eyed monster overcomes me as well.
I wouldn't drop your friends though - not if you ordinarily get on well. I love going out with my friends who are all seemingly wealthy apart from one or two - the talk of jewellers (often personal friends it seems) makes me open mouthed in amazement. One friend was allowed to borrow a ring for 24 hours to see if she liked it. I can just imagine the jeweller's response if I had gone in with the same request to borrow an item. (Think it might have ended with "off")

I don't know. I don't really get people spending vast sums of money on jewellery anyway tbh.

I can understand how you feel about the house though. It is depressing thinking how much you have to pay just to live!

Erm....'herring' obviously.

well if they're really good friends then try and ignore the cash thing!

I am a bit jealous of my friends with bigger houses in nicer areas than me and dh could ever afford but we are still friends. It's just life really.

although I must say I think I'd find it hard to be friends with someone who could spend 22K on a bleedin' bracelet...that's just mad...and weird...

that's the thing, the bracelet was normal for her. If you have squillions then as a percentage of disposable income it is the equivalent for her of the dorothy perkins one for me.

There is always someone richer, thinner and having an easier time.

Take a deep breath and try to be happy for your friends, they are supposed to be people you like.

What really pisses me off is when horrible people have stuff that I want but can't quite afford.

I think people like that can be fun though? We have a few friends like that. I always find them hysterical. One once said to me

'oh the playroom in our new house isn't as big as our old one so the widescreen TV looks too large so I nipped into John Lewis and picked up a few flat screen TVs to scatter round the house instead'

We hooted about that for ages.

You just need to try and concentrate on the friendship side of it.

I think if you aren't finding them fun, then perhaps your friendship isn't quite what you think?

I think there is a study that says that those who are most content are those who can keep up with their friends financially!

Your friend would probably be mortified to know you felt this way.

she obviously has far too much money poor thing...must be hard thinking of new ways to spend it. You should feel sorry for her really...

I had lunch with six of them - they are all as rich as Croesus

They wouldn't be mortified, they are all very nice about my 'cute little house',

todays gem "at least you can clean it yourself, I have to have 2 cleaners"

Still giggling at that and now at the "scatter cushion flat screen tv's"

are they very boastful and materialistic? or just unthinking? do they patronise you? what do you have in common?

ah bless 'em. At least you can laugh at them...

They are not at all boastful and not materialistic, it's just so normal for them to have everything. For example we were talking about weekly shopping - one said they just couldn't spend less than £300 (and that didn't include wine)

They're not patronising, I guess just totally unthinking.

We have work in common, we're all counsellors, we were all trained together, it's just they're all married to very rich successful accountants/doctors/lawyers.

I don't usually meet them for lunch as a group - normally one to one just for coffee somewhere.

I think its mostly about for me that I'm not going to get any better off whereas they are just going to keep increasing their wealth - you know that 'the rich get richer thing'.

I think I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I'm always going to struggle - can't even afford to have a child of my own (have only been a foster parent as can't afford one of my own and now getting on a bit)

I bet your rich mates are miserable deep down - money doesn't make people truly happy. Look at posh spice

Lauriefairycake - if your friends, are supportive to you, and you all enjoy each others company, then don't actually worry about the superficiality of money. fact is you are a group of diverse adults. so celebrate your simlarities, laugh about the differences. unconditional regard and all that

it is only money.

It's common knowledge that most counsellors are barking - I should know my sister is one and charges £60 an hour for her services. Have you thought about starting your own practice you'd have loads of money then

I have a wide circle of friends some wealthier than others and it doesn't matter. Real class is to own something beautiful and not discuss how much it cost. To be fair if your friends are discussing money like this infront of you when they know your situation then they are pretty insensitive, shallow and materialistic.

I think your comment about why you have not had a child sort of misses the point and is a little strange - most of us can't afford children we just have them and manage. That experience alone makes us rich

Ummm - I NEVER discuss how much things cost if I can avoid it as I think it is tacky.
Would never discuss the cost of a bracelet like that.Mind you i wouldn't buy a bracelet like that as the spirit of my lovely dad would be screaming "....FOR A BRACELET !!!!!!" through all eternity. I happen to have more money than most of my best friends but we are all equal and we care about each other.money of course raises issues at times but we treat each other with respect and tack and we work it out. I would never gloat about any possesions in front of my friends as i remember being broke oh so clearly.
I would hate to think any of my friends wouldn't be my friend because of money .
The only person that money has ever cost me was my sister - but i'm pretty sure she hated me before anyway