To ask what is the most ridiculous thing you’ve had to say because of your kids **title edited by MNHQ**

[Gingenius]

On the phone to our solicitor earlier: all very stressful trying to sort out house buying stuff. Trying to sound competent and professional until I had to mutter the immortal phrase: ‘I’m sorry I’ll have to ring you back, my toddler is stuck in a cheese grater and needs rescuing.’
FML

After watching Disney Soul and the thousands of questions about souls ( huge error choosing that film) I found myself saying, “no I don’t think your soul lives in your penis”

Also “ don’t lick the cat”. Standard.

‘We do not lick tube trains, DS2’ (he was about 3)
‘Yes, I can see it’s all stretchy, but it’s not meant to be stretched and it’s making Daddy feel a bit sick so please stop’ to DS1 who had grabbed hold of his own penis in the bath and was trying to see how long he could make it (also about 3)

And then there was the unfortunate occasion when DS2 (about 2) licked the cat hen he had a streaming cold and ended up with a face full of snot mixed with fur...me to DH: ‘Darling, could you come and clean the cat as DS2 has just covered her in spit and snot’.

Yes, I can see it’s all stretchy, but it’s not meant to be stretched and it’s making Daddy feel a bit sick so please stop’ to DS1 who had grabbed hold of his own penis in the bath and was trying to see how long he could make it (also about 3)

Now this cracked me up

"Don't touch the waitress's legs"as my then 8 month old DS was sitting in a high chair next to the waitress as she was taking orders.Luckily she saw the funny side.