Cheating husband

Babycatdodo · 2021-02-10T14:56:54+00:00

My husband cheated on me. One of his reasons was that I had “let go of myself” I.e stopped wearing make up, didn’t do my hair, lived in leggings. I had a 18 month old at the time and suffered with depression. It’s only now I look back that I think what an absolute arsehole!!! To say that to your wife who’s recently had a baby and suffering with depression as well. Am I right to feel really angry at him?

EggBobbin · 10/02/2021 14:58

Get your shit together and leave the dick. Tell him he let himself go, morally...

OrigamiOwl · 10/02/2021 14:58

Of course you're within your rights to be angry! He's trying to legitimise his behaviour by shifting the blame into you.
He needs to take responsibility for his actions, not pass the buck elsewhere.

Original poster

Babycatdodo · 10/02/2021 15:00

Sorry I should have added that we are not together now. But he has really done a number on my self esteem.

OP posts:

Fuckityfucksake · 10/02/2021 15:36

It wasn't your fault.
You could have permanently dolled up like you were off for a night out and walked around the house naked. Cheaters cheat.
He's a lying cheating snake.
It's ALL on him.
And the fact he has tried to blame you for his actions is despicable too.

TheSnowQueenie · 10/02/2021 15:38

If he blames you he justifies it to himself. He’s too selfish and indulged to admit he’s an arsehole.

Frickssake · 10/02/2021 16:42

My ex husband did the same. I felt crap. So I left him. 5 months later I got a job, joined a dance class, lost weight and THEN the CF wanted me back! THEN I told HIM, you've got a pot belly and your hair is receding now DO ONE!

Nearlythere1 · 10/02/2021 17:42

@Frickssake

My ex husband did the same. I felt crap. So I left him. 5 months later I got a job, joined a dance class, lost weight and THEN the CF wanted me back! THEN I told HIM, you've got a pot belly and your hair is receding now DO ONE!

Lol!

MissMarpleDarling · 10/02/2021 17:44

Absolute arsehole! I bet you're fabulous (as us mums are).

browneyes77 · 10/02/2021 22:39

This was him trying to justify himself - to himself.

He made a conscious choice to cheat. He didn’t address this issue he supposedly had with you. He didn’t try to help you feel better about yourself at the time. He could’ve. But he chose to put his dick in someone else instead.

Why? Because he’s a disrespectful, cheating scumbag with no morals, who cared more about himself and his own gratification, than he did you. And you’re better off out of it.

I wouldn’t waste anymore time even thinking about the twatbag or letting him get to you. I know that’s easier said than done when you’re full of rage!

But use that rage to push you to do things for you. Focus on YOU and put your energy into getting yourself and your little one to a happy and contented place

browneyes77 · 10/02/2021 22:40

@Frickssake

My ex husband did the same. I felt crap. So I left him. 5 months later I got a job, joined a dance class, lost weight and THEN the CF wanted me back! THEN I told HIM, you've got a pot belly and your hair is receding now DO ONE!

TheSnowQueenie · 11/02/2021 08:28

Everyone I know who feels they have been "dumped" and their ex shat all over their self-esteem as they left, has gone on to have a much better life. In all cases, they met someone else who was much better looking, more successful, and not an arsehole.

My favourite was my friend whose wife left him and he was in a terrible state. He didn't sleep for a year and I spent many hours trying to build him back up. After about 2 years of pain, he met this woman who was absolutely gorgeous and a lovely, lovely person. You should have seen the smile on his face and he told me that he was glad his ex left him as otherwise, he would never have met his now-wife and mother of his children. His ex is still single and trying to find that person that she oh,,, so deserves as she is fabulous.

Your ex has ravaged your self-esteem and I think you need some help with that. Just because he said it, doesn't make it so.

I was once in marriage counselling and I told the counsellor some things that my DH says to me and she said to me "you know that is not actually about you, don;t you? That is him and his issues and insecurities."

SadderThanEeyore · 11/02/2021 09:08

He's done you a favour, you could have wasted more of your life on him. He's the twat; blaming you to justify his shitty behaviour - stop believing what he said.

Original poster

Babycatdodo · 11/02/2021 09:17

I think I just struggle with raising my self esteem.
God knows how I’ll ever trust anyone ever again. He has told lie after lie after lie. He wants to be friends yet I know he’s back in touch with the OW. It makes me feel sick

OP posts:

browneyes77 · 11/02/2021 20:45

@Babycatdodo

I think I just struggle with raising my self esteem. God knows how I’ll ever trust anyone ever again. He has told lie after lie after lie. He wants to be friends yet I know he’s back in touch with the OW. It makes me feel sick

Friends my arse!!

The only communication you need to have with him is to do with your child.

Otherwise, tell him you have enough friends and you only tend to be friends with people you can actually trust.

CakeRequired · 11/02/2021 20:54

Who the fuck said you are being unreasonable? Is your husband voting?

Of course you aren't. He's a twat for doing that to you, get angry at him. Divorce that cheating bastard, screw him for all you can and live a happier life without that dipshit who was holding you back.

2020iscancelled · 11/02/2021 21:33

YANBU to think he’s an absolute tosser and waste of space to have treated you so appallingly.

But I do think YABU to continue to let him ruin your life. You say he has ruined your self esteem and trust in others.... he doesn’t have to have does he.

Instead of saying “being cheated on has really damaged how i see myself” you could change that to “get cheated on really proved what a piece of shit my ex is and I was lucky to find out and move on”

What would your life look like if you didn’t tell yourself the story of low self esteem and trust issues? Who would you be if you simply said “those things happened to me and it was hard at the time but I do not need to let them continue to impact me”

It’s actually very simple OP - he cheated because of his own deeply flawed character. Nothing to do with your worth and he has shown himself to be untrustworthy - nothing to do with any other men in the world.

You can choose not to keep hold of these feelings and thoughts, there’s lots of help on line but maybe even speaking with a therapist could help.

Don’t waste your life being angry and self sabotaging because of the poor actions of someone else x

SamLovesLembasBread · 11/02/2021 21:38

He's unworthy of your time and attention. His bad behaviour has everything to do with him and no-one else. He wasn't man enough to own up to his own selfishness and dick-for-a-brain decision-making, so he tried to pin the blame on you. You deserve better!