Bullied throughout secondary school can't get over it

[Leila001]

I was bullied throughout secondary school.

I was overweight and had acne - the things I was bullied for. The bullying was only verbal but this was because I was able to hold a physical fight (twice I managed to 'beat' bullies who tried to kick our punch me) and so they just stuck to verbal insults.

Over the years I blossomed into an above average (lookwise) women and noticed the 'boys' who bullied me tried to get in touch. I have done well for myself - went to a good university, married the most amazing man and have DS who is an absolute angel. As much as I am doing well I cant get over the bullies and their bullying. The worst part is I was never able to open up and tell anyone too.

I feel like I am being unreasonable and should move on. Loads of people got bullies some physically and some worse but it just always stays with me. I think I just needed to tell someone

I just got diagnosed PTSD for the same thing, maybe have a chat to your gp about accessing some counselling? I'm currently being referred.

I understand I’m so sorry you had such an awful time. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for it still to upset you, at all. Bad memories stick unfortunately. I hope talking about it on here helps you.

It’s not surprising bullying over that amount of time has left a Mark on you emotionally.

Maybe you need to talk to gp and see what options there are or look at private support if you can afford it.

I have never got over being bullied, I left school early because of it, I feel it’s impacted massively on my life

Honestly I would pay for counselling to help yourself overcome this issue and find forgiveness for these dickheads, sorry, people. I was bullied in primary and still struggle a bit with consequences (low self-esteem, expecting to be disliked etc). Seek professional help and find your mojo

Try to let it go.Concentrate on the here and now. I got bullied at school but it didn't bother me particularly then because I knew we would grow up and go our separate ways and that those bullies would grow up and become different people. And I didn't particularly get any better looking or anything or necessarily have a better life than them

Please get some help with this. It would be awful to go through the rest of your life with this hanging over you. You sound like you have a lovely life, why let it spoil that. You need to move on from this awful experience. It is understandable that it has had a lasting effect on you, they were your formative years, but you are a child for a small period of time, an adult for the bulk of your life, so you need to relegate the experience to the distant past. Physically you have moved on, you just need a bit of help mentally to catch up.

I don't think it's unreasonable. If you had been verbally abused by a parent or partner for years no one would expect you to just get over it and it's really no different. Verbal abuse causes long-lasting emotional harm.

It can be cathartic to talk about it. I had compassion focused therapy through my local NHS mental health service and it really helped.

I absolutely hate bullies (yes I know sometimes it’s because they have a miserable home life but the consequences of bullying should not be the victim’s to bear) society needs a much more effective way of dealing with it.

Being bullied at any age is awful but when it happens when you’re still a child, it’s when you’re at your most impressionable so becomes interwoven with who you are. I try to recognise it for what it really is, their problem, they were projecting their unhappiness in whatever form that took on to you, don’t be their sponge. It probably feels highlighted since you’ve become a parent yourself and are feeling terrible for the child you were while also hoping with everything you’ve got that your own dc doesn’t suffer the same fate.
I would agree with pp’s that it may be worth exploring some cbt to give you the chance to work through how it’s affected you but I hope you know none of this was your fault, it probably wasn’t even about you having acne or whatever nonsense they found to beat you with, this was about them either attempting to “look cool” (although bullying is totally uncool) or how they dealt with their own issues. You are most certainly having the last laugh (although it won’t feel like it) I wouldn’t (and haven’t) acknowledged these people as adults as they are so irrelevant, I don’t even pity them I’m afraid, they simply don’t exist anymore.
I know your pain, but you can turn that into strength.

I think that the teenage years are very formative - feelings are heightened due to hormone changes any way but add abuse into the mix and the scars are real.

I think to look into taking action towards surrendering your feelings about this time (a let it go to let you grow approach rather than keep cycling around to think about it) would be sensible. This could look like counselling.

You sound like you are lovely, smart and loved.