To pretend to be stupid if that's what people want?

[LaMarschallin]

My first AIBU and a bit scared, but obviously irritated enough to post it.

And I do genuinely want to know if I'm BU. I'm not looking for validation and I'm definitely more irritable (and irritating? ) recently, so I may be just grumpy.

There have been several examples of this but I won't dirge on about the details.

Just to give two brief examples:

1. BiL brought his MiL down from a city in England to Wales for Christmas because her house had suddenly - the day before Christmas Eve - become unliveable in (she has three children living nearby in England).
   She stayed there a few weeks.
   BiL said it was all done within guidelines.

2. we're looking after a deceased neighbour's house. It's now been sold. The son has told us that he's coming up from the south coast to the midlands and his sister is coming over from Canada for them to sort out the house together.
   But it's all within guidelines.

Do they think we're stupid?

We're not the sort of people who'd report them, but maybe they think we are?

I just want people to stop telling me they're doing things legally when they aren't.

BiL said it was all done within guidelines.
But it's all within guidelines.

They are saying these things to shut down questions. Don't take it personally OP.

Sorry! I didn't see how to enable voting before I posted.

@MNHQ - please may I enable voting?

That second one has some room in it. Having had a family bereavement recently, you're allowed to travel to do things related to dealing with the deceased's property. I got phoned up about it to check but was told it was ok. You should still minimise risk of course and observe rules around that, e.g. we booked a moving company but rules were only one family member could be present while they worked - anyone else had to leave.

Just to add to my comment above - don't forget that property and protecting your income from property is all important to this government. That's why they've shafted students to support accommodation providers, and that's why they allow actions relating to property sale, changing hands and all that.

That second one has some room in it. Having had a family bereavement recently, you're allowed to travel to do things related to dealing with the deceased's property

I said they were brief examples.

The sister from Canada came over for three months last year to sort out the house. The bereavement isn't very recent.

Honestly, I feel it's up to them to make their peace with their own actions.

I just feel I'm being taken for a fool.

Its more about them trying to justify it to themselves, rather than trying to make you a 'fool'. Not sure why you are taking this so personally.

I have a friend who flip flops between 'isn't life terrible, I cant do x because of the guidelines' to a few days later telling me something like 'I had 4 friends over on sunday afternoon' (this was when we were in tiers but was still not allowed). One day I snapped and had a go at him, which led to a bit of an atmosphere for a while, so now I just let it wash over me and dont react at all, or just smile and nod. Some people will say / do whatever they want to justify their actions.

I don't think it's worth you getting worked up over.

Sometimes things have to be done. They aren't holding a rave. Nor do they care if you're stupid or not, I suspect!

What did they say when you pointed out they were wrong about the rules?

The answer to that would be helpful in deciding whether or not they think you're stupid.

Sorry to have you. Looks unpleasant.

I suppose I'm taking it personally because these are people I know personally.
They don't have to justify themselves to me - just let me know what they're doing (in the case of the house) or say nothing (in the case of BiL - we don't care where his MiL is).

But ending messages with "all within guidelines" isn't a magic get-out - I know what the guidelines are.
If I was someone who might report them (I'm not) it wouldn't stop me.

Otherwise, am I being gaslighted?!

Well.... it's a MN favourite

YABVU to post yet another covid thread about rules without being explicit about it in the thread title

Just MYOB is my advice, people are taking their own interpretation of the rules and unless it’s a rave or something then I’d keep out of it

Agree you’re taking it personally OP. In the nicest possible way, it’s not about you. People feel like they have to justify everything they do which might be questionable at the moment and they’re justifying it to themselves as well by saying it out loud. It’s extremely likely that it’s not just you they’re having these conversations with isn’t it.

ShirleyPhallus

YABVU to post yet another covid thread about rules without being explicit about it in the thread title

Actually, I do take your point on that.

Even bored with the thread myself now the irritation that inspired it has died down so best I hide it.

I knew AIBU was a mistake

No you are hiding it because it’s not going your way. In future MYOB