Have name changed for this.
Problems with my ex go back years, even when were were together.
We have a 2.5 yr old daughter between us who lives with me. He comes to visit on weekends, Saturday and Sunday.
So this weekend he arrived on Saturday morning only 2 minutes late, usually it can be up to an hour or more. All fine. We get on for the most part when there are no issues.
Saturday evening I decided to go shopping because I really needed a food shop. He and DD came with me as they always do, I am not comfortable leaving her with him.
Half way through, he asked me if we will be back by a certain time. I said I didn't know as I needed a full shop and had a lot to get, trying to formulate meal ideas in my head etc.
So he gets huffy, he's trying to hurry me up, having a go at me saying I am spending 10 minutes looking at cereal and not buying it. I didn't, I stopped and glanced for it for a second as I walked past. The reason he wanted to get back so quickly is because he does matched betting. So he had apparently put a bet on earlier in the day, and had until a certain time to bet against it or he would lose out on winning anything. I asked him how much he was going to 'lose', and he said 4 quid. 4 QUID!
We get back and he dives on his laptop, and says he was in time. All fine. My friend had called while I was shopping so I called her back and was chatting to her in the kitchen.
Baby goes to bed soon after we get back and he leaves. He dictates what time he will arrive on a Sunday. Said he would be down at half 11.
Sunday morning arrives, half 11 comes and goes and he turns up at 10 to 12. I would't mind this on the odd occasion but he is always constantly late. Before telling him he needed to come down earlier, he could turn up anywhere between 1pm - 3pm.
So as soon as he arrives he rips into me. Really nasty tone. Saying that he heard me cackling to my friend on the phone the previous night about him rushing me from the shop to get back just so he could put a bet on. We did not even mention him. I was baffled and asked what he meant. He was adamant I was talking about him and said that I can call her back and cackle some more as in the end it turned out he lost £50. What? He never would have lost £50, he never bets that much, he may mean that he lost out on winning £50 but so what? So he carries on bashing me, I am getting really annoyed at this point and tell him that I will not having him talking to me like this in my house in front of our daughter and told him to leave. He refused and said it is his day to see his daughter and starts playing with her. I admit I did swear at him because I was angry and upset, as far as I knew, there was no issue, and said that if he wouldn't leave I would call the police. He told me to call them then and also said that if I did he would tell the police that I swore at him and also tell social services.
I explained that days aren't set in stone (no court order) and that if I feel I am being abused in my own home he will be leaving as I won't tolerate it. He then gets out his phone and starts recording me. I asked him not to but he wouldn't. He accused me of using the baby against him when I asked him to leave. I said that he isn't entitled to be in my house with this attitude just because we have a child together. He then admitted that this all stemmed from earlier in the week. She goes to nursery two days. Every day I get a text from him, same old stuff, how's she today? It gets on my nerves a bit but I always answer. Then on the night she had been to nursery he text to ask how her day was in nursery. I told him and said that I had been told she was talking non stop and coping everything that anyone was saying. The then replied with, did they think it was funny? I must have been busy at this point as I didn't answer then forgot about it. because he had such a go at me for not answering that text, I told him to stop texting me. He said he would and to only ring him if it was an emergency. Monday I had a text asking how she was, I ignored it. Tuesday I had three texts calling me a disgrace and asking for the nursery number so he can call them himself to ask how she was. Ignored then he said he'll find the number himself. I doubt he even knows the name of the nursery, he takes that little interest in things. I don't see why I should have to answer someone who has abused me in this way. Funnily enough, when he is annoyed at me, he will go around three days without inquiring how our daughter is.
I left the room and went into the kitchen to clean. I will also mention, that he was coughing and sniffling. When I asked him if he was ill, he said that he has a bit of a blocked nose. Now yesterday, I woke up with a terrible cold which is obviously from him. He has turned up ill many times in the past (before pandemic), I have always asked him not to, but he still does and says that it would be no different if I had a cold, the baby would catch it because she lives with me!
I feel he has no respect for my home. He is constantly leaving rubbish everywhere, empty cans and bottles on my coffee table. He is constantly putting wet wet wipes on the wood of the table, I have asked him repeatedly not to, he doesn't even acknowledge what I have said to him more of the time, just kind of huffs it off. He did this again on Sunday while I was out the kitchen and also put one on some of my solicitors paperwork.
In the evening I gave my daughter a bath and he came along. I left him watching her whilst I quickly changed the bed, hoovered and polished the bedroom. Went back to wash her hair and body, put my hand in the water and it was absolutely freezing. He knew this because he had his hands in there getting toys for her. I was livid but kept my mouth shut, I find I am doing this more and more.
Downstairs the baby was sat on his lap in a towel, I came in after about 5 minutes to finish drying her and put her pajamas on ready for bed, and he said, I don't know if she has done a poo in the towel, still sat there. I thought WELL CHECK then.
Taking her up to bed, I have only recently just managed to get her into a bedtime routine of going to bed around 7/8. The one time he came up she played up no end, wouldn't get into bed etc. He kept picking her up cuddling her from bed, and I told him to put her down. So I explained to him that he needs to leave before she does to bed as it really disrupts it. Wasn't happy with that but agreed to do it for a few weeks while she settled more into the routine.
He walked holding her hand to the bottom of the stairs, I expected him to stop and put his coat on to leave, but no, starts walking up the stairs. I said calmly, we have talked about this, and he basically ignored me saying that she's not that bad when he's there (she is).
I'm just so beaten down with it all. This is just the tip of the iceberg of what he has been like. It's getting to the point where he is questioning everything I say, ignoring rules I have in place for her such as throwing balls in the house. Wanting to give her chocolate before her dinner, so so much more. I am finding now when trying to stand my ground he twists what I am saying, to the point I'm getting anxious, tongue tied and I am the one who shuts up.
Sorry it is so long, just wanted to get it all out.