Struggling with new job and manager

[newjobnewproblems]

I returned to work after maternity leave a couple of months ago. My old role disappeared as the project ended so I was offered a new role in a different team.

I'm really struggling with it. My manager is nice but we haven't clicked at all. To be honest I have no idea what she does, she is always busy and I have no idea why! She doesn't read her emails and when we have meetings (only every couple of weeks) she's always stressed out and needs to rush somewhere else.

She asked me to work on a project, I said I thought the timescales were too tight but she insisted it had to be done. So I worked really hard, even worked evenings and weekends and called in favours from lots of people to help me out with it. Then we had a meeting to sign it off and she said it wasn't good enough and we'd have to postpone it. I'd given her two chances to comment on it before the sign off meeting but the first time she ignored it and the second time she said it looked fine!

That was last week and she's barely spoken to me since, I'm trying to fix the issues with the project but I'm quite unclear about what it actually is she wants. To be honest I think she needs a mind reader as she wants someone to do everything exactly as she would but she's too busy to explain what that is.

I don't know if I just need to suck it up and accept that this is the world of work and I need to be more resilient. How could I have handled the situation better? What can I do to make it easier to work with her as I'm really struggling to know what to do and I don't know if it's my fault.

Anyone...?

So I think there's 2 ways to approach this. Either request a meeting with her with a clear agenda to discuss the project with a view to learning from it/continuing it more efficiently and be very clear that "on x date I asked for feedback and was told it was fine so I would like to get more specific feedback in order to improve for future projects".

Or, does your workplace have a mentoring scheme or could you go to her boss as a development opportunity and ask for specific feedback with a view to your professional development within the role or company? This is likely to filter down to her as clearly her management skills are not effective.

My employer runs leadership and communication training for their employees, their video of how not to manage bears a striking resemblance to your description of your manager's actions!

Managing your manager is a distinct skillset and is needed a lot more often than it ought to be. It sounds to me like she's either not very experienced or not very skilled at planning and delegating (and you can't delegate tasks without careful planning).

Definitely turn up to your 1:1 meetings prepared with a list, and if she tries to scuttle off prematurely tell her what you can't progress without her input and ask when she will make time to discuss it.

Make sure your emails to her are clear, concise, and set out exactly what you need in response.

"You have asked me to create a mongoose juggling experience for under 5s. However you have not yet responded to the quotes I provided from mongoose breeders. Until I know where I can procure the mongoose, I cannot cost the project. Please review the quotes I sent on Monday and let me know which is your preference. Alternatively reply and confirm that you're happy for me to make the selection."

Whats your organisations approach to PDR and review?

Thank you for your responses. I think you're both right, I need to just be really clear with her about what I need. I think my mistake was deciding to be proactive and go ahead and try and work things out without her input, which has come back to bite me.

My organisation has recently overhauled it's PDR processes and they're very 'light touch' now. We no longer get performance markings and just have a conversation about how things are going every six months. I've scheduled the meetings but the first one isn't for a couple of months yet.

Go for it. If you need some motivation or encouragement look up Todd Dewitt or Dana Brownlee, they both offer some great tips for managing upwards.

www.monster.com/career-advice/article/how-to-manage-your-manager

When you come to your PDR, it's worth having a conversation about working styles and how you can get the best out of each other. It doesn't need to be a complete soul bearing, just some examples of situations you've struggled with and are wondering how it felt for her, and what you can both do to stop it happening again.

Thank you, that looks interesting.

Also in the meantime perhaps I can look for a transfer to another team

Interested in any other thoughts too if others have been in a similar situation. Or solidarity!

Your manager sounds disorganised and out of her depth. Such people can be an absolute nightmare and really drop you in it. I'd say do what you can to get by while looking for a transfer to another team.

How senior are you and her, op? I've found that the higher up the ranks I've gone, my line mgrs have become more light touch because they themselves are more senior / responsible for a wider remit and me being at a higher level also means they expect a certain level of independent decision making.
I wonder if that's it?

On saying all of that i have a boss a bit like this and while i can cope most of the time there are often weeks where i just have to lay it on the line. I do it very nicely and professionally, usually using the guise of an update email, in which i clearly state x project can't progress until they've responded to my from x date. I then also reattch any emails I'm referring to, under the guise of being helpful. 90% of the time it works.

I had a manager like this before, it got so bad that she actually said to me that I was only there to make her life easier. Suffice to say that meeting was cut short after I gave her a few home truths, but I'd already got another job lined up thankfully! I learnt a huge amount from this though, as PP has said, managing your manager is quite a skill. Being clear and not being afraid to chase up with an email and a phone call if needed so you get a response. I would also bring up that she said it was fine, so what exactly is it that she needs you to do? Be polite and respectful but I would also be looking for another job if its not for you. Life is too short!

Do you have colleagues in the new team? Can you talk to them?

Who are the stakeholders in the project? Can you get input from them?

You need to explain to your boss that you were competent at your old job and need some guidance in your new role as despite working a huge amount of overtime, you have not met her requirements. Tell her that you feel you need to have regular touch points in order to ensure that you are on the right track.

If she does not respond, it might be worth having a chat to HR.

Who are the stakeholders in the project? Can you get input from them?

I consulted all of the stakeholders before I sent to the product to her and they all cleared it. Many of them were really positive about it so I thought it would be ok.

How senior are you and her, op?

Senior enough that there definitely is an expectation that I will go off an do things independently. I am a management grade (I used to manage a team although I don't manage anyone right now) and she is a level above that. So I am conscious that I don't want to be constantly asking for guidance and need to be showing initiative. There's a limit to how much I can do that though if I'm just not getting what she wants.

Do you have colleagues in the new team? Can you talk to them?

I do and am definitely going to try. I just don't want them to think I'm being negative and bitchy! I'm still new and obviously we are all working remotely so it's tricky. It's a funny team, honestly most of the time I have no idea what anyone else is doing...

I'd say do what you can to get by while looking for a transfer to another team.

I think this is probably a good strategy but I just find it quite depressing kind of marking time while at work rather than actually feeling busy and a useful member of the team.

Meant to have our fortnightly catch up meeting at 11.30am.

She's just cancelled it