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to be upset at other mums strange behaviour

26 replies

Babyramone · 01/11/2007 13:50

I live near this other mother and our DS's both 4 get on well.
I have had a few problems with her in past (she tends to pick up and drop people as it suits) but get on quite well I thought.
On Monday she asked what we were doing for Halloween and I said that me and DS were going Guising (trick or treating)round a few pre arranged neighbours. She then invited us to join her streets group and then on to wee party afterwards. I accepted.
Yesterday she (noticed by others as well as me)went out her way to avoid me at nursery pick up and whilst walking down road with her other pal with me just behind and our boys all running together continued to blank me. When other mum got to her house she stopped to say goodbye and I over took them. When she caught up the 1st thing she said was that she was feeling tired and had decided not to go to halloween party and wouldn't be guising and that her ds was just going to other mums house for dooking etc. I accepted this and thought fair enough.
Anyway whilst out guising discovered she had been out with big group and the other mum and had been to every house she knew someone at except mine.
Today she said to me she'd had nice quite evening not out guising.
TBH not sure why it bothers me so much as she's done sim before. She's very good at arranging playdates and cancelling last minute feigning illness etc only to be spotted with other (obv more fun mum)
She once arranged for us to go to sotfplay together, called off as was ill. I went with DS myself only to see her there with fore mentioned other mum (they'd only just become friendly then). It was funny as she couldn't look me in face.
I really feel my ds as he likes her wee boy.
I've seen her do it to her DD's pals too.
Why would you be like this. I'd rather people were honest or at least she could've come to ours and said had changed mind.

I also accept if she doesn't want to be pals or spend time with me and ds any more but why keep inviting us too?

Should I just ignore this. What would you do.
Is all so petty.
Bloody mum politics.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 01/11/2007 13:52

what appalling behaviour. Does she ever stick to arrangements you make? I wouldn't feel like agreeing to any social arrangements with her ever again.


BroccoliSpears · 01/11/2007 13:53

I'd drop her like a hot spud.

I would do brittle fake smiles and be polite and never make another arrangement with the woman again.


Babyramone · 01/11/2007 13:54

Glad you said that. It is appalling.
She aticks to arrangements if nothing better comes along. I'm not only mum she does this to.

OP posts:

karen999 · 01/11/2007 13:54

I would not invite her anywhere! Invite her child round to play etc but say that you will pick up and drop off. Be polite to her etc but I would not want to become 'friends' with her.

I can't believe that anyone would actually do this - it's so petty.....but I think best not to make an issue of it otherwise it look's like you are bothered!! Which, I hope you are not....and if I were you the next time she is within ear shot I would go on about how busy your social life is and how you would love a 'quiet night in'!!


Babyramone · 01/11/2007 13:57

Broccoli thats exactly what my friend said.
She said to show upset or pull up over it would just give her satisfaction.

OP posts:

LyraSilvertongue · 01/11/2007 14:03

She's not a friend and you shouldn't accept any more of her invitations. To drop you like a hot potato when a 'better' offer comes along, and so blatantly that you're bound to find out, shows she has no regard for other people's feelings.
If I were you I'd continue being civil towards her but have as little to do with her as possible.
Or if you're feeling really petty and vindictive do the same to her so she knows how it feels


lennygirl · 01/11/2007 14:04

Message withdrawn


JeremyVile · 01/11/2007 14:04

Oh, poor you.
Never, never, never accept any more ofers of play dates etc from this woman.
Remain polite but not 'friendly', be as cordial as you would be to a passing acquaintance.
You deserve better than to be treated this way.


Babyramone · 01/11/2007 14:06

Karen I'm a little bothered as am far too sensitive that way.
Am lucky as have a few other mums and children I meet up with some of who are amazing friends.
It's a shame as she's just round corner.
She actually stopped socialising with me from Jan to june as my DS played with other boy who's mum she didn't like (my ds was at play group and her's at school nursery)
Became friendly again when other mum moved away.
Like an IDIOT I went back to it.

OP posts:

LyraSilvertongue · 01/11/2007 14:08

I know how you feel, I'm too sensitive to these things too. She's treating you like a second class citizen, to be dropped at a moment's notice if one of her 'A-list' friends invites her somewhere.


Babyramone · 01/11/2007 14:11

Thank you everyone.
I am practising my BFS.
When she dropped me earlier in year I made comment to friend that she'd Dropped me like hot tattie, and friend said your more like hot totty
Made me feel so much better.

OP posts:

moonmother · 01/11/2007 14:12

I have a 'friend' like this, she also has a history of being your friend for a while then dropping you the minute someone better comes along,she's also another make arrangements to see you then cancel,(or not even bother to cancel sometimes) at the last minute claiming some tragedy or other.

It does hurt,but to be honest I've just come to accept it now.To be honest I don't even make the effort of contacting or inviting them around anymore,if she contacts me ,then I'm happy to chat,meet up if I've got nothing else on,but to be honest I'm losing my patience with it all.

Friendships aren't meant to be nice and if their not then to me ,it's not worth the effort.


Songbat · 01/11/2007 14:35

Poor you, what a controlling manipulative cow. You don't need her 'friendship', it sounds like you and your ds have plenty of other friends who deserve you. If the boys go to the same school (now or in near future) they can be friends there, without you having the hassle of dealing with his mother.

She has a lot more to lose if she's doing this to lots of different people - she's probably very insecure deep inside. Ah, cod psychology, dontcha just love it


Babyramone · 01/11/2007 17:26

Have just had long supportive chat with really good friend who also knows this mum.
She said " you don't need her, get rid. you've got other friends worth much more" and she would either tell her straight that I know or do the bfs.
Think if confronted she'd make out wasn't ment so from now on polite but cool.
Thanks for support.

OP posts:

chocchipcookie · 01/11/2007 17:53

Why would you want to be friends with someone who lies to you? It's not politics. She lies. Full stop.


Babyramone · 02/11/2007 17:13

Again thanks for all your kind support. Today I'm feeling so much better. She was all smiles and chatty at nursery pick up today but I was quite curt. She probably didn't even notice as I was dealing with DS at time but it made me fell better and is a start.
I on one hand want to tell her exactly what I think and very good friend thinks I should as this has happened before, but on other I don't want to show her she bothers me IYKWIM.

Thing which makes me laugh is after we started being meeting again after long break she phoned me and said "I'm so glad you and I are back on track, I never wanted to lose your friendship".

OP posts:

WinkyWinkola · 02/11/2007 19:03

Yep. A nutter. Let her think what she likes about your being very good friends.

Hopefully she'll just fade out of your life.. . .you can't be doing with this kind of person who obviously couldn't care less about you.

Also, your DS must get disappointed with the constant change of plans when he's looking forward to seeing his chum.

Mind you, a good opp. to teach him how not to treat people.


VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/11/2007 19:06

OH she's a mentalist.

As broccoli said - polite smiles and constant "rain checks" in future.


ItsGrimUpNorth · 02/11/2007 19:08

Every time she ask you in future, just smile and say, "Can I let you know?" Then just text or call and say you can't make it. Every time. Drop her. She sounds 'orrible.


kerala · 02/11/2007 20:35

She sounds bonkers give her a wide berth and dont waste precious time thinking about her.


bubblepop · 02/11/2007 20:54

well i'd definately give this mum a wide berth aswell, stop analysing it, its her who's weird. im sure you could do without friends like this.


maman4 · 02/11/2007 21:19

I know a mum just like her.Have been in a similar situation to you Babyramone,when she is trying to be nice and friendly these days it s hard to keep a straight face but I smile(brittle?!!)and walk.Shame for my DC s but can t do with the hasstle.I just want to say that I LOVE YOUR NAME Babyramone!!!


Babyramone · 03/11/2007 11:38

I Can't believe this. She phoned me for w blether last night. I was curt shall we say and as was giving ds his story got off easily.
Was left reeling a bit though.
Maman4 see you have good taste in music. I'm married to a MEGA RAMONES fan
Do like them myself which helps.

OP posts:

maman4 · 03/11/2007 11:56

Love the smiths as well.


newgirl · 05/11/2007 20:15

i wonder what is going on in her head? she must be quite insecure

i dont think id be nasty or anything, but i would not make any more plans with her

but i bet she then wants to make more plans when she realises!

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