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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DP to WFH for one day

52 replies

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 08:46

AIBU for saying to DP just WFH for one day so I can use my car for my work. Basically it’s snowing here and we have 2 cars, I have a SUV perfect for this weather and he has a brand new sports car which really is not good in this weather. I WFH and have done for a long time but have an office as a base. He works in the office (education but not teacher) about half an hour away. He used my car to get there yesterday which was fine as I didn’t need it. However, today I need to go into my office to meet someone (it’s a 10 minute drive away) so I need my car. He can work from home, he is the boss of his company he just doesn’t like it and prefers to be in the office. He isn’t happy I need my car and is thinking about using his as it could be ok, yes I could but it also just needs to hit one bit of ice and his car will have no chance. I don’t see why it’s a big issue to WFH for one sodding day! If he goes in his and crashes his car, I will feel awful. I swear he feels his job comes before mine!! Who is BU here?

OP posts:

Humblebumbleoh · 09/02/2021 10:32

Why would he take your car and leave you to drive his, sorry?

Clymene · 09/02/2021 10:32

@Backtoschool101

Can you drop him at the office and go to work and pick him up later on the way home?

Or he could just work from home

Original poster

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 10:33

My main point is he CAN WFH he is just choosing to be damn awkward about it and making my life harder whilst he gets what he wants. As someone else said, his penis extension isn't as wonderful right now as he thought it would be!!

OP posts:

Original poster

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 10:35

@Humblebumbleoh because its snowing and his isnt suitable for driving in it and mine is

OP posts:

FlyNow · 09/02/2021 10:36

She hasn't said he can't drive. Just that she wants to use her car.

She can take her car though, but she also doesn't want him to drive his car and for him to wfh instead. That's his decision surely?

Original poster

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 10:36

I am pleased to hear that the majority of people on here don't think I am being an arse and not accommodating enough!

OP posts:

BiddyPop · 09/02/2021 10:36

This is a situation where you need to remind him of the consequences of his actions (buying an unsuitable car) and let him sort out a solution for his problem that doesn't inconvenience you (or at least, doesn't inconvenience you more than YOU are willing to be inconvenienced).

So that does not involve using your car when you need it, or you driving him to work 50 minutes out of your way.

He has choices.
He can WFH.
He can drive the unsuitable PE to his office.
He could pay for a taxi to the office.
He could rent a 4x4 or more suitable vehicle for a short period while the weather is bad.

See, choices. All that don't involve OP putting herself out for his unsuitable decision making in the first place.

Original poster

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 10:37

@FlyNow By all means he can drive his but its like a sheet of ice out there and I think it's stupid when he doesn't need to take that risk. Thats just common sense in my opinion. It will be me he will be calling to come and get him when he cant get home later as more snow is forecast.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 09/02/2021 10:42

Think good and hard about having children with someone who is such a selfish twat OP.

This is who he is.

Also you need to take a hard look at yourself that you need support in something so obviously unreasonable.

Is he a bully?
Because you sound ground down and that this isn't an isolated incident.

A decent man would not be so blatantly selfish.🙄

Godimabitch · 09/02/2021 10:42

[quote hellhavenofury]@FlyNow By all means he can drive his but its like a sheet of ice out there and I think it's stupid when he doesn't need to take that risk. Thats just common sense in my opinion. It will be me he will be calling to come and get him when he cant get home later as more snow is forecast.[/quote]
Tough, you have work to do, he can work from home, if he chooses to go to work he's doing so in the knowledge that he could get stuck and you're too busy to collect him.

Yes we're meant to help eachother but you dont get to make irresponsible decisions and expect someone else to go out their way to help you when it inevitably goes wrong.

Just like he can buy a car that isn't practical but it's ok because he can just use yours instead when it suits.

Original poster

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 10:47

@billy1966 I dont actually want children, not for those reasons lol! He isn't a bully, I am a very head strong person and his saying is 'It isn't worth arguing with me as he never wins'. I was wondering if I was being selfish to say I wont budge and try and sort something else out and he can have my car and be safer because you both have to compromise. I am very busy at work and can't be doing with extra shizz going on with him too!!

OP posts:

Original poster

hellhavenofury · 09/02/2021 10:50

@Godimabitch He can use mine usually and I agreed to that when he bought his as 9/10 times I don't need it in the working day. Its just bad luck that we have snow on the 1 day I need it!!

OP posts:

Chloemol · 09/02/2021 10:58

Sorry why should you take his car? You takes yours, he sorts his own arrangements out

If he needs rescuing, tell him to walk

Angeldust2810 · 09/02/2021 11:15

It is your car. How can it be selfish to use what is yours? This would not even be a debate in my house. My car, I am taking it. End of. And if DH even dared to try and hint I was being difficult about this, I would show him what that looks like by taking him off the insurance and never letting him drive it again.

MintyMabel · 09/02/2021 11:19

because its snowing and his isnt suitable for driving in it and mine is

Unless you are driving through roads with a couple of feet of snow on them, there is no reason the vast majority of cars can't be driven at the moment. The problem is rarely the car and usually the driver. I grew up in the North East of Scotland where thick snow was a regular winter occurrence. We never had an SUV and never had a problem.

ReviewingTheSituation · 09/02/2021 11:22

Aside from the car issue, if you're in England he SHOULD be WFH. Lockdown rules say that if you can work from home, then you should. There are lots of us who would love to be working in the office, but are doing the right thing and WFH, even if we're not enjoying it, so why can't he?

Cadent · 09/02/2021 11:28

He sounds very selfish. What does he want you to do? Put yourself in danger in his car whilst he's safe in yours?

billy1966 · 09/02/2021 11:32

Well that's good OP, because he sounds like a twat.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/02/2021 11:34

[quote hellhavenofury]@Backtoschool101 I could in theory but that is an hour round trip when my office is 10 minutes away![/quote]
If it was me that's what I would do as it's not a regular thing (although my DH would more than likely just work from home and not put me to that bother either) Having said that if he wanted to drive his own car I wouldn't tell him he couldn't either, he's a big boy he can make that decision by himself

Dontknowmuchabouthistory · 09/02/2021 11:49

Stop mothering him. Just tell him he can't borrow your car as you need it today (and make sure you have the keys). He is an adult and doesn't need you to tell him to wfh or whether he can use his car in the snow. He can make that decision himself.

My point to him is that if he takes his and he either gets snowed in at work or he gets stuck it will be ME going to rescue him and I have work to do!!
Why will it? IF it was to happen, he can just call out rescue services and you can just tell him you are working so aren't available. It isn't for you to solve his problems.

TillyTopper · 09/02/2021 12:01

Why not take your car if you need it, and he sorts himself out. He can take his car or wfh. If he gets stuck then perhaps he needs a 4x4 uber cab or some other way - but you're busy at work and can't pick him up.

Humblebumbleoh · 09/02/2021 12:19

So he’d be ok with you taking his crap-in-the-snow car to work?!

Howshouldibehave · 09/02/2021 12:23

Take your car-it’s yours and you need it. He can do whatever he wants-don’t get involved-he’s a big boy.

Longdistance · 09/02/2021 12:24

‘I need MY car tomorrow, so you’ll have to takes yours to work’. He’ll either have to sort his car out or WFH.

Wanderlust20 · 09/02/2021 12:25

Hang on, the SUV is your car? You don't need to ask him, just tell him!

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