Is this a good idea or not . .. walking out on an argument to cool down

[LJRT]

Views please . Good idea or not when having an argument with your partner should you stick it out and continue the argument or walk out of the house for few hours and go for a walk to calm your self down. do you see it as a controlling intimidating behaviour also? Or a sensible idea

Both myself and DH do it. Always good for us to cool down and come back to it with a clearer head. I don't think it's at all controlling.

Definitely better to walk away and cool down.

Good idea to cool off but helps if it’s said like “I’m going for a walk to calm down” rather than “I’m leaving you bitch” slam

Its better to walk away cool down

As long as you don't just storm out, I think it's fine. Perfectly reasonable to say I need to go cool off.

If the person walking out explains that they're going to leave so they can calm down and that they will be back then yes,I think that's ok.
Just getting up and going would leave me wondering what was going on and would make me feel so anxious.

I think it really depends. If DP just walked out without a calm “I need to just go for a walk and calm down” I’d frankly spend the whole time seething and getting angrier.

My partner likes to walk out and get some air but personally I find that makes me feel worse, just gives me time to get more riled up.

I think it depends on how it’s done, if it’s communicated or doors slamming and sulky

Perfectly sensible to walk away.

I think it depend on why you are walking out.

Walking out to cool down and then coming back when calm to talk is helpful, and obviously better than an argument escalating.

Walking out to avoid the disagreement and not later addressing it, or going off to get pissed or anything similar, is not helpful.

I think it depends if it's a regular thing. My ex used to walk out and claim it was to cool down, but in reality it was always after he'd said his piece and always, always prevented me saying mine.

It can be a very sensible and reasonable thing to do, but it can also be controlling. It is impossible to say

carwomanghia that really made me laugh. Mind you I used to be a pretty good door slammer - haven’t done that for many years. I always seemed to
slam myself into a room and then be kind of stuck there - not really storming out. Hmmm

I think it can be controlled - if done often/during every argument.

Particularly when one person (usually a woman) is left with the children to care for while the other (usually man) disappears off to his mates or mums or to the pub, etc.

Depends on the situation I suppose. And whether the same person does it all the time. Then it’s more about control.

It depends. If it's a screaming, door-slamming flounce then it's likely to just make the other person more angry and upset, especially if they're left with DC to entertain.

Depends on whether it’s used to halt an argument in its tracks and then never address it. Cooling down to come back and have a mature discussion is fine. Storming off each time to put an end to it is controlling and immature.

Do things ever get resolved?

Or do they just get "forgotten " about and it's all fine until the next argument?

That's what would make a difference for me.

It's a trigger for me.

Having had everyone in my life from an early age walk out of my life including parents I find it makes me feel completely powerless, desperate and worthless.

My partner does it despite me telling him it's a trigger for me.

He last did it a few days ago and is staying at his mother's for 'space' ...it's pushed me too far due to how it makes me feel and the relationship is over as far as I'm concerned.

My ex used to rant and scream at me so I would walk out of the house to get away in the hope he would calm down. When I came back he would tell me I only did it to upset him!

So it’s about perspective. He saw it as passive aggressive. I saw it as escaping abuse.

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness

I think it can be controlled - if done often/during every argument.

Particularly when one person (usually a woman) is left with the children to care for while the other (usually man) disappears off to his mates or mums or to the pub, etc.

Depends on the situation I suppose. And whether the same person does it all the time. Then it’s more about control.

This.

I can see that it makes sense to have calm down time, but.. if leaving means the other person has more work dumped on them as a result, or if it means the other person has to cancel work or other plans, or if the person storming out doesn't say when (or if) they are coming back.. definitely controlling.

Telling someone you're going a walk for an hour to think things through is fine.

Leaving without saying where you're going and if or when you will be back, leaving the other person worried or wondering what's going on / should they lock the doors / are they going to be late for work because the other person has taken the car / leaving them to do all the work with the kids and field their questions etc is not fine, in my opinion

@lyralalala

I think it depends if it's a regular thing. My ex used to walk out and claim it was to cool down, but in reality it was always after he'd said his piece and always, always prevented me saying mine.

It can be a very sensible and reasonable thing to do, but it can also be controlling. It is impossible to say

Yes mine did this. Say his piece undisturbed then stomp off upstairs while I was left to yell at a fleeting dressing gown string flouncing up the stairs. He'd come down intermittently when he'd thought of something else he had to say then dramatically trot off again.

Very unhealthy. Very manipulative.

Leaving if you're both yelling at each other and going round in circles is one thing, so long as when you return you sit down and talk to resolve it, not talk/continue the argument to be right. It's more important that each person is heard and valued.
I hate with a passion if I've let someone say their piece in silence and then when I reply it's interrupted or someone flounces.

My Dad is a massive flouncer and definitely used it to control the household. Thing is me and my sibling learned it from here. Most days one of us would be flouncing with my Mum desperate to keep the peace. One day we were in the middle of yet another argument and my Mum got in the car and drove off and didn't come back for ages. It stopped us in our tracks. Everyone felt like flouncing was the only way to communicate/have power and she had had enough of being a peacemaker and played us at our own game. I think it was the first time I realised my Mum was a person too.

I agree it completely depends on the context and person. It can definitely be controlling.

God, neither. How about staying, remembering you love each other and trying to resolve things like actual grown ups?

I suppose going somewhere to calm down is OK if it is phrased like that. The whole "storming out and leaving your partner wondering whether you will come back" is unpleasant and controlling.

A mutually agreed time out with an agreed time to come back to it when you're both calmer could work I suppose. Id find it frustrating personally , better to sort it there & then. Suddenly flouncing out with no warning or suddenly announcing you're leaving would infuriate me.