To think you should be excited to move?

[Pollypocket89]

My friend is about to move in with her long term partner. They're mid late 20s and haven't lived with anyone before. When I moved in with my now dh, I was so excited. My friend isn't at all... I've got some concerns about the relationship in general that I'm keeping to myself as she hasn't asked my opinion but AIBU in thinking you should be looking forward to living with your partner if it's the right thing to do?

I'm not talking nerves or cold feet, the only excitement is about her own space rather than at her parents but not her partner

i don't remember being excited about moving in with DH. we had been living in each others houses for a year and were just relieved to get a place together.

I mean both living with parents before this, not a living in each others houses before situation

It makes sense - if you have never lived on your own you don't appreciate what a big step it is to move in with someone else!
Because living together with your family isn't much of a challenge as you're so used to each other's ways. Only when you live with strangers do you realise how much patience and compromise is needed...and how big of a relationship 'next step' it is :grin:

Now if your friend was completely ambivalent when asked about how she felt moving in with her partner it'd be a different sotry. But it's none of your business anyway is it

Ambivalent is the perfect word! They bought as renting is a waste of money

I remember when I moved in with DH I was more excited about not living with strangers anymore (had been in a house share the year before) than I was about moving in with my boyfriend.

She may also just not be a very 'gushy' personality type.

Even if she was only moving in with her partner for convenience as you seem to think - there's nothing you can do. The only thing you can is advise her is to make sure all her legal ducks are in a row with regards to having the house in both names and making sure that selling is easy if they break up.

I was v excited bout DH and I moving in together!! I was wonderful an we got married a couple.of years later. Cat imagine having been ambivalent about it

@Pollypocket89

I mean both living with parents before this, not a living in each others houses before situation

Maybe she's finding the move stressful or overwhelming therefore not showing elation. I'm sure once we has moved on and they settle into a routine they will be fine.

Even if they aren't and they end up splitting it will be a learning curve for them both

Is she a particularly emotional / excitable person generally or does she tend to be quite pragmatic? I can’t think that “excited” would be a verb I’d ever use to describe how I felt about moving in with either DP or ex-P, both of whom I love/d. I’m just not really an “excited” person. I was looking forward to it, but quietly. And if they’re buying then there are all the stresses and worries around that.

Though if you really think this is the opposite of how she’d usually behave in a new situation and you have concerns then it might be worth asking her in an open-ended way how she feels about living with her partner or if there’s anything she’s worried about them living together / being together all the time to give her an opportunity to share without outright telling her you think she’s making a mistake.

I think that moving in with someone is partly a very pratical decision, not necessarily excitement inducing! Also it may be your friend is nervous about how it will all pan out and you'll see more excitement when it works out, they get the mortgage, they find a property, they book the removal van, they chose furniture etc etc.