Do I need to get him to self settle?

[jollybobs89]

Hello,

So 10 month old DS can't get himself to sleep without being rocked!

AIBU to think that I need to get him to learn to self soothe now? He doesn't sleep great at night up 2/3 times usually has a bottle still! I've got a toddler so I am trying to prevent her from waking.

I did a bit of CIO last night kept going in every 5/10 mins and eventually he settled himself back to sleep but it took a while!

I've just put him down in his cot for afternoon nap and he's literally doing everything but lie down! He's shattered normally I would rock him but he's getting quite heavy and with a toddler in tow it's not always ideal?

Or is it a case of just suck it up till he grows out of it xx. Any advice welcomed please be nice very tired 🤣

It goes in cycles too - my 15mo was happily going to sleep on her own for naps and at night until about a month ago and now is so upset at bedtime - still fine at naps but needs to be held/rocked to sleep at night. No idea what the difference is to her but no way we're leaving her when she's so upset. What's the point?! And yes clearly there's a massive difference between being upset and alone and upset and someone comforting you.

@ZoeTurtle

You are teaching him that he can have a bit of independence He is TEN MONTHS old.

Yes shock horror. No baby attached to you alll night !!

I am shocked and horrified that you want a 10 month old to be "independent" because you can't be bothered comforting them, yes.

@ZoeTurtle.
Calm down. She is asking for advice. We are here to give advice and not be abrupt and judgemental.
For those giving advise saying the crying out method is wrong, I agree. And that is advise.
Everyone gets a little desperate for sleep. We are here to pick up and motivate.

I don't know why people think that they have to make someone feel bad for trying their best. What happened to just saying

'No that didn't work for me, try this' or
'Maybe you could try this instead' there is no need to be impolite! For what it's worth I wasn't going to leave him to scream the house down all night!

Anyway thanks for everyone's advice I've joined the group on Facebook see if I can get some tips on there!

And self soothe is a bit different than INDEPENDENT

Yes, it is different. And posters are merely pointing out that it is still a fallacy in developmental terms.

I have a two and a half year old who often doesn't self soothe and a four month old who usually does. For the two year old, self soothing is like comforting yourself when you're upset by eating ice cream under a blanket in front of the TV because you're alone, when really all you want is a cuddle and someone to comfort you. I could force her to do it, but it seems to me that this is one time in her life when there should always be someone to cuddle her distress away if she wants. Because she's two.

My four month old seems perfectly happy to settle himself back down when he wakes much of the time- my best guess is that waking alone doesn't distress him like it does her. I think it comes down to personality, tbh.

Rainy2828 I was replying to Skyla. And I'm perfectly calm.