Is being friends with your children's friends weird? Or AIBU?

[Nothinglikeachocolatebrownie]

AIBU in thinking this is a little strange...parents of adult children befriending their children's friends, to the point that they end up catching up with and doing activities with their adult children's friends without said child.

I know no-one 'owns' anyone and people can be friends with whoever they want, but I've never come across this before. Where say grandparents end up taking over their grown children's friendships and end up hanging out with a bunch of people 30 or 40 years younger than them.

I don't really see what's weird about it- it seems likely that families might have shared values and interests so friends may have plenty in common. Lots of my friends are closer in age to my parents than me- I've never thought of it as hanging around with people of x age so much as hanging around with people I get on with.

I think this depends on your area a bit. It never happened where a grew up in the south east, but I now live very rurally in the North East and it seems pretty normal to be friends with multiple generations of a family. Dm moved up a few years ago and people I am friends with have been very welcoming to her which is lovely.

Well I don't know about going out with friends of my adult children because the occasion hasn't arisen but I r

Argg pressed to soon the curse of fat fingers. I was going to say pre covid I fairly regularly socialised with people from work who were young enough to be my children. Equally I would the same with people old enough to be a parent.

I don’t exactly go out partying with DD’s friends, but I do chat to them and have them as fb friends once they left school. (I work at the school they went to.)

My parents are friendly with two of my childhood friends. My parents are invited to their homes for holidays too, included in birthday celebrations etc. Now also invited to things for my friend’s adult children too.

These were my friends from primary school and we were always between the houses so my parents saw my friends grow up. Parents were friendly too. So growing up my friends and their parents used to come to our events too (and us to their events)

Both my friends lost parents in their 20s and 30s and often to fill the void would call my mother for some advice about life

Contact between them also continued as I emigrated in early 90s ;no internet, no email, international telephone calls were expensive) so My mother would contact my friends when I was coming and facilitate get togethers.

My own DD has friends I have known from their coming to my home and my taking them out for days out, in holiday etc growing up. Now they’re in their mid 20s and my daughter will ask if I’m organising things for us, if her friends can come too. So I think it’ll be fairly similar going forward with my DD friends too. They also text me for advice about things too.

Some might think it weird but we’ve formed bonds through many many years. Of course it’s not the same type of friendship as between my DD and her friends, it’s more a second mum kind of thing and I haven’t organised things with them not including my DD.

My best friend of 20 years is definitely part of my family - my parents treat her like they treat my brother and I, she comes on holiday with me and my mum and is at all our important family parties (outside of covid obvs). My parents were at her wedding and were sat up the front in the family spaces.

She's not got a very happy family herself and loves being part of mine, just as we love having her.

When my siblings and I were scattered all over the world my sisters lovely friend started to visit our mum. That progressed to a friendship of sorts and precovid they would occasionally pop into each other's houses for a coffee and a chat. I thought it was very nice!

I took up a hobby as a child which was run locally by my friend's mum. Friend never really took to it. Friend and I have both moved away, but I usually see friend's mum when I'm back in that area, and I imagine that if I still lived there we might be friends.

I think it does depend on what you mean by "friends". Like pp, me and my siblings have a number of friends who have been part of our lives for a long time and who therefore also maintain a light separate relationship with our parents. Ditto, there are a few parents of my friends who I would absolutely visit if I was in town or would meet up for coffee with if they were visiting here. I wouldn't call these people close friends as such, but there is a friendly and amicable, vaguely family-like relationship, yes.

Thanks all! Makes sense, and I can see that when families grow up together etc there is a friendship/bond that forms :)

On the positive side, it always makes me laugh when someone my age posts on Facebook and gets an “ooh, lovely, Claire” response from one of their Mum’s septuagenarian mates. Because you know they’re also avidly following the sweary/ranty/off posts, and not thinking they’re lovely at all.

On the subject of adult friends of one's adult children', some years ago I went to pick up a prescription at the chemist and was advised that the pharmacist had to go through my medical history to check I was taking the right tablets (prescribed by my GP). Apparently it was mandatory at the time. I had no problem but the pharmacist certainly did – he was an old school friend of DS's and was very embarrassed to be asking intimate questions of DS's Mum!!!