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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m unreasonable for calling a roofer

8 replies

Woobeedoo · 08/02/2021 10:21

Woke up this morning to discover a damp patch on the bedroom ceiling. Popped outside to check the roof and saw a tile had broken and had been letting in rain. Called a roofer I know and he is coming out later to replace the tile.

OH then looks up from laptop and insists on knowing who I was speaking to so I explained who and why. He then launched off, shouting at me, saying I was out of order for not going to him first, we were a team, a partnership, we own the house together and therefore I should speak to him first. In the past if things have needed attention in the house I have run it by him first and he’s replied “Do you know someone who can fix it? OK do that” so in this instance I simply cut out the middleman for want of a better phrase.

I was stunned. I explained how he has been in a bad mood and unapproachable for several days so I didn’t want to bother him with something I could easily manage, plus how he never cares if something needs fixing and leaves it to me. I should explain that due to my job I have a good number of trade connections so have people I can go to meanwhile he has a big drink problem which he is aware of, every so often he quits and for a week my child and I have to put up with someone moody, sullen and miserable until the drink-depression lifts. We’re currently on Day 3 of no alcohol so the atmosphere and mood is not the best.

He’s now all over-kind and helpful, asking if there’s anything I need doing today, trips to the shops etc but I’m left upset and confused and questioning if I really was unreasonable in ringing a roofer without telling him first.

OP posts:
WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 08/02/2021 10:23

The roofer is the least of your problems.

Life doesn't need to be this difficult. Do you really want to spend your life with him?

AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 10:24

Sounds like he needs help with his drinking, has he considered the AA?

Woobeedoo · 08/02/2021 10:32

I sometimes get to that stage WhereDoMyBirdsFly but when it works and it’s nice, it’s lovely.

AryaStarkWolf. He has dismissed the AA as he says it won’t work. His mother actually died of alcohol abuse and my father died in a car crash and was found to be 4x over the drink drive limit so he knows of the worst that can happen. I am pushing him to get professional help rather than trying to manage it solo.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/02/2021 11:12

How often does it work and is nice though? Would you drink a cup of tea with 1% of poison in it?

AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 11:17

@Woobeedoo

I sometimes get to that stage WhereDoMyBirdsFly but when it works and it’s nice, it’s lovely.

AryaStarkWolf. He has dismissed the AA as he says it won’t work. His mother actually died of alcohol abuse and my father died in a car crash and was found to be 4x over the drink drive limit so he knows of the worst that can happen. I am pushing him to get professional help rather than trying to manage it solo.

It won't work if he doesn't want it to which it sounds like he doesn't. He needs to want to do it himself. I'm all for helping and supporting a loved one through something but only if they're committed to wanting to do that. You can't put up with that kind of life forever
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 08/02/2021 11:21

Have you thought of contacting Al-Anon to get some support for yourself OP?

AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2021 11:33

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

Have you thought of contacting Al-Anon to get some support for yourself OP?
Yes, that's a great idea
Woobeedoo · 08/02/2021 11:46

I didn’t know Al-Anon offered support to partners and those affected, I thought it was just the sufferer they helped. I’ll definitely be getting in touch as the early days of alcohol withdrawal are not the happiest.

Apologies if I’ve used the wrong terminology with the word sufferer, I don’t want to offend I just don’t know if there’s a more correct word that should be used.

OP posts:
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