To not want to tell my male boss about my IVF

[hop27]

Round 4 of iVF first round in my current job. Recently promoted into a very senior role. Prior to my promotion lots of conversations around if I was 100% committed and in for a big year etc.
I've just collected my IVF drugs and plan to start stims on Thursday. AIBU to not tell him? I think it could possibly hamper my chances, however he wants me to travel in the next few weeks and I'm worried about a potential diary class. Help !

@notalwaysalondoner

Very easy to manage - announce you’re having a medical procedure, you won’t be able to travel for xx days and won’t be contactable/working for this time to this time. If he asks what procedure (bet he won’t due to HR protocol and confidentiality/discrimination fears) just say you’d rather not share. That’s what I did for my surgery after my miscarriage and of course people sense if you haven’t told them what the surgery is for that you want to keep it private so won’t ask. I certainly wouldn’t declare I was having ivf due to career/promotion/perception implications others are mentioning - there’s the above easy way to manage the need to not travel or miss some meetings without being 100% transparent.

I agree better to lie if it’s the last time

Op has had 4 ivfs so May decide this will be last one or space them over the year.My ivfs are quite close together so not feasible to keep having weeks off for medical reasons without a doctors note .

And I prefer to have the time completely off , I prefer to relax and not be juggling work stress - but I know others and may be the op are fine with this

I am so sorry you are put in this situation. It is still such a sad reflection on society that we need to discuss this question.
I would say don’t tell him in reality. I had to make a big decision and fly to Japan for work at 8 weeks pregnant after 3 miscarriages because I did not want my boss to know as up for a promotion. Also had a very awkward conversation with a top level recruiter when I asked a company’s maternity leave policy after being offered a job.
Some company’s have made great strides in this area, miscarriage leave policy and parental ivf policies are examples but sometimes I feel we are still in the dark ages with male oppression.

I am so sorry you are put in this situation. It is still such a sad reflection on society that we need to discuss this question.
I would say don’t tell him in reality. I had to make a big decision and fly to Japan for work at 8 weeks pregnant after 3 miscarriages because I did not want my boss to know as up for a promotion. Also had a very awkward conversation with a top level recruiter when I asked a company’s maternity leave policy after being offered a job.
Some company’s have made great strides in this area, miscarriage leave policy and parental ivf policies are examples but sometimes I feel we are still in the dark ages with male oppression

Totally agree. My boss initially said I couldn't have time off for appointments because IVF was 'elective' and not 'necessary' medical treatment.

God I despised that woman.

@TooSensibleOfMyDefects That’s disgraceful. Shame on her......I could imagine mine saying the same which is why she knew nothing about any of it and is still none the wiser now this latest round has finally worked (obvs will need to fess up at some point soon but not yet).

I'm not going to tell him, I have a work event tonight so not sure how I'll avoid drinking .....should be fine to do most stuff under the radar. Might plan to have some 'dental work' done in a couple of weeks ....

Good luck with your ivf 🤞

Hope the dental work goes well

I think you made the right decision.
You could lay the groundwork for the "dental work" by saying your on antibiotics for a tooth infection and so can't drink.
Best of luck

Drank a lot of 'vodka and soda' last night ! Flew completely under the radar and actually loved networking sober.