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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Possible trigger warning-copied from work topic.

25 replies

embaex · 07/02/2021 20:56

Possible trigger warning involving attempted suicide

Originally posted in the work topic area but was advised to post here x

This is a really bizarre question, and the only real reason I'm asking is because it hasn't been addressed in my workplace & im not sure how to address it with them if at all?!
Please bare with it's fairly long!

So I work in a kitchen, along side the chefs, there's a few chefs and a few of us who work along side them. I've been there a few months and another woman started at the same time as me. We get on fine.
So last week, this woman told me she was on Suicide watch.. completely out of the blue, in fact we weren't having a conversation at all but she looked at her phone and came out with it. She also said she had to make management aware when we were employed-and also the fact she had tried to commit suicide at her last workplace (right before being employed here)
So this striked me as strange in the first place-its a hospital environment which holds numerous medications, and also being in the kitchen with machinery and knives etc..I wasn't sure as to why she was employed. I know you cannot discriminate against certain things including mental health, but imo that seems a massive risk.
Anyway getting to the actual point, I said to one of the chefs last week, could he go and check where she was as she hadn't been seen in a while and I didn't want to walk into anything myself, he looked at me a bit odd but agreed, he walked out of the kitchen and I followed and she was out cold slumped by the back door-she had OD'd.
Now I obviously said what I said because I knew certain information which I assumed had been passed to the relevant party's (not me-but the chefs-considering they're in charge of the kitchen). But it turns out no one else knew- now obviously we as staff were asked if we knew any medical history and I stated what I knew, after this I was questioned by the chefs as to why I had said that, I obviously said she had told me etc, but no one else knew-except the woman from management who employed us.
So this was Wednesday last week, I had Thursday off anyway, but I received a msg at 7am thurs morning telling me she was back at work..which absolutely shocked me.
Since then, absolutely no one had mentioned anything, as if it never happened. I went in Friday but I left early as I could not bring myself to work with her in fear of her doing it again.
I understand this sounds really selfish of me, but it actually scares me that this has happened, that it hasn't been addressed, that the staff haven't been asked if they're ok following what happened, etc etc.
Do I speak to management about this or do I just leave it? I'm supposed to be working with her tomorrow and it honestly scares me the thought of having to go in now, so much so that I'm debating leaving there altogether-esp if this is how a situation like this is handled.
Does anyone have any idea how to approach management or any experience of a situ like this?
Any advice would be fab, thank you!

OP posts:
Opalfruits2 · 08/02/2021 06:36

Are you in the UK? Doesn’t sound like it as you’re able to work in a cafe/restaurant at the moment...?

Bottom line this lady does not sound well enough to be at work and should not be there. I have not heard of ‘suicide watch’. Over here the Crisis Team would be involved, may be that she requires inpatient care if she is a risk to herself.

Sorry you had to walk in on that, you don’t sound heartless and you aren’t equipped to deal with it like a professional would be. I wonder if you can contact a mental health team near you and report your concerns to get her assessed, she needs appropriate care.

Mumdiva99 · 08/02/2021 06:41

Sorry this sounds bizarre and odd. What do you mean OD? Did you call an ambulance? What actually happened next? Or is she just being a drama queen? "Oh sorry, I was asleep I took too many pills", gets up and carrys on with her shift....

Opalfruits2 · 08/02/2021 06:42

Yeah I would’ve thought she’d be admitted to hospital on discovery!

Bedtimebear40 · 08/02/2021 06:44

@Opalfruits2 OP has mentioned about a hospital. I presumed its a hospital kitchen which still needs to feed patients right now.

The 'positive' to take out of this situation now is that everyone will now know her MH problems.

Employers cannot share information about another employees MH problems. Would you like it if they told everyone else you worked with about all of your medical conditions? They cannot tell you what they are doing about/with her. Perhaps you could ask her yourself personally? Ask if she feels supported by your employer. The fact that she told you herself says to me she doesn't.

What you can do is tell your employer that you found it very upsetting to find her and want more support in dealing with that.

embaex · 08/02/2021 12:33

I work in a rehabilitation hospital, so not an actual 'hospital' if you like, but one with patients etc so yes we still operate as normal at the moment.
She was taken by ambulance to hospital immediately (after the time it took to make her conscious again), although discharged herself the same day before being assessed (apparently it was busy in the hospital and she didn't want to sit around..)
I absolutely agree that information cannot be shared about fellow employees, my point was the chefs are in charge of the kitchen, they should have been notified of this, as to me it's quite a big deal-and technically the are our 'bosses'. I should not have been informed, and was only aware because she herself had told me.
The thing is, I don't know where I stand with bringing anything up, I don't dare say anything to her in fear of possibly 'pushing her over the edge' or saying the wrong thing etc..

OP posts:
embaex · 08/02/2021 12:35

Sorry yes she overdosed on prescription tablets- at the time of telling me she was on SW she also told me she had overdosed at her previous job so I guess I was more aware of her whereabouts once I knew this information.

OP posts:
Newfor2021 · 08/02/2021 12:45

How sad and shocking for everyone involved, that must have been a terrible shock for you.

Firstly management absolutely should be speaking to all of you about this, and letting the lady know that everyone’s been spoken to, people are aware of her illness and she should be helped with stuff such as, if you’re feeling suicidal you can speak to x,y or z and this will action for them to notify someone..... etc.

It cannot just be hidden over and shouldn’t. It won’t help the suicidal person or any of you.

dontdisturbmenow · 08/02/2021 12:45

You are right, there should be a debrief for staff who witnessed the event. Contact HR or you Occupational Health department. It's bad that you were offered no support.

Mumdiva99 · 08/02/2021 12:46

Sorry, this still sounds fishy. A full on overdose would lead to a stomach being pumped etc..... A discharge with no assessment means the ambulance staff didn't think she was at risk or she would have been seen immediately in A&E. So either she's making this stuff up and exaggerating things....in which case just give her a wide birth and don't waste any energy worrying about it. Or you're telling us stories....

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/02/2021 12:59

Are you in the UK? Doesn’t sound like it as you’re able to work in a cafe/restaurant at the moment...?
You know it's not fairies making food in restaurants and cafes for deliveries either, yeah😁

That's very upsetting op and I have to say that I can't believe she would be back at work like that. That's imho dangerous

HonkAndJimothyLtd · 08/02/2021 13:04

@Mumdiva99

Sorry, this still sounds fishy. A full on overdose would lead to a stomach being pumped etc..... A discharge with no assessment means the ambulance staff didn't think she was at risk or she would have been seen immediately in A&E. So either she's making this stuff up and exaggerating things....in which case just give her a wide birth and don't waste any energy worrying about it. Or you're telling us stories....
Not everyone who reports an OD has their "stomach pumped", nor is it always necessary. People brought into A&E for all sorts of reasons discharge themselves all the time. They cannot be detained there unless they're on a section or brought in from custody.
PolytheneHam · 08/02/2021 13:10

@Mumdiva99

Sorry, this still sounds fishy. A full on overdose would lead to a stomach being pumped etc..... A discharge with no assessment means the ambulance staff didn't think she was at risk or she would have been seen immediately in A&E. So either she's making this stuff up and exaggerating things....in which case just give her a wide birth and don't waste any energy worrying about it. Or you're telling us stories....
They don't pump stomachs for overdoses these days. I know because I've taken many over the years.
CandyLeBonBon · 08/02/2021 13:35

Activated charcoal will be her friend.

MaelyssQ · 08/02/2021 13:40

It sounds like she was reaching out to you when she told you she was on suicide watch - she was obviously in a very dark place if she went on to try and end her life. Her direct line manager may be aware of her medical history but it's not information that everyone needs to know. As for a kitchen not being suitable for someone with suicide ideation, nowhere is safe. She won't have access to hospital medication, it's kept in locked cupboards/rooms and wouldn't be accessible to kitchen staff.

I hope you and your colleagues get the support you need.

embaex · 08/02/2021 14:01

Thank you for everyone's helpful responses.
As for the 'telling us stories' comment, I most definitely would not make something so horrific up, I have had friends in this situation but have never witnessed it until now so yes I do not know how to handle it, however much it has 'nothing to do with me'.
The discharge information was told to me by herself, she told me last time she had her stomach pumped but mentioned nothing of the sort this time so yes possibly they didn't think she was high risk etc, but they did not discharge her, she left off her own accord, as you are allowed to do.
I do not want to know the ins and outs of her life, and I feel very sorry for the poor lady. But I am very uncomfortable knowing I was the only one who supposedly knew about this, enough so to notice she had been gone for a substantial amount of time which resulted in her being found unconscious, which in my head I thought may happen.
What I don't want is the responsibility of 'keeping an eye on her' when I have my own work to be doing, however horrible that sounds possibly... it is not my responsibility nor the other staff around me.
Just by the by on the medication front-we have access to every ward in the hospital, all the patients rooms, and every store room/cupboard, so accessing medication would not be out the question and it completely possible.

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 08/02/2021 14:01

So she'd taken enough tablets to be found slumped unconscious, then the ambulance staff arrive, revive her, take her to A&E and just leave her waiting for medical attention...were you not assessed immediately? @PolytheneHam

Worried830410 · 08/02/2021 14:10

This sounds very odd. An ambulance taking someone away isnt a small incident. Surely everyone would have seen this happening and quite alot of discussion happened? Why wasn't management involved. It seems like you are taking this as if it's meant to be a secret and you don't know what to do.

You should be reporting this to your HR and I don't understand how she was back at work immediately. In fact, work should be offering everyone who was involved some support.
All sounds very odd.

SmiteTheeWithThunderbolts · 08/02/2021 14:15

You should raise this with management - they have a duty of care both to her and all staff who work with her regarding the possibility of suicide attempts while at work. Are you employed directly by the hospital or outsourced? You might have access to an Employee Assistance Programme if you want to talk it through with someone.

There are some situations when disclosing an employee's health condition to their team is justified (although I'm not sure if the employee has to consent), eg if they are epileptic and likely to have a seizure at work.

PolytheneHam · 08/02/2021 14:18

It's been a few years since I ended up in hospital so I can't really remember how long it took to get treatment. Generally I'd see someone, have bloods taken, drink the delicious charcoal(if appropriate - depends how long it has been since the tablets were taken) , then discharge myself before further assistance could be offered. There was always a lot of waiting around. It's quite possible that this woman left after initially being triage.

Thankfully I haven't been this unwell in almost a decade.

Gliblet · 08/02/2021 14:20

SmiteThee is absolutely right - they have a duty of care to you (and other kitchen staff) as well as to her. You can't ask for details of her condition or treatment, but you are well within your rights to ask your manager/management for reassurance about how the situation YOU were put in is being handled, how the risk TO YOU is being assessed and mitigated and what support is available TO YOU should it happen again. As a team, if necessary. None of this requires them to breach her confidence, but it's basic stuff that they should be taking care of.

Unfortunately a lot of employers (either through lack of experience or pure avoidance) don't address knock on effects of workplace events such as this unless the staff involved raise concerns.

TramaDollface · 08/02/2021 14:27

Nobody would be back at work the day after an overdose OP.

Nobody.

Mumdiva99 · 08/02/2021 14:28

@polytheneHam glad to hear you no longer feel quite so desperate.

Whyyyyyythough · 08/02/2021 14:36

poor woman

embaex · 08/02/2021 14:41

It very much seems like it's one big secret, almost as if nothing happened.
Almost every staff member in the hospital is aware as a lot of the nurses/doctors came when she was found-whilst waiting for the ambulance.
The whole situation is very odd to me, hence me wanting to get others opinions. Of course there is a possibility she's not telling the truth about everything she has said to me, but I wouldn't like to assume someone would lie about such things, especially out the blue when not even prompted as such.
I think I'm going to speak to management-(again another issue of not knowing who is my actual manager!) and see where we go from there. I'm just not equipped to deal with such responsibility.

polytheneHam, sorry you went through this. Hope you feel better these days x

OP posts:
FawnDrench · 08/02/2021 19:43

Surely there is some sort of "incident report" to be completed in this situation.
It's a serious event and the outcome could have been different.
This can't just be pushed under the carpet and ignored - for the sake of all of you.

This incident should be both recorded and "lessons learnt" need to be identified. You've already identified several serious issues.
Such an incident has the potential to adversely affect the health, safety and personal welfare of many people.
Also a plan needs to be formulated to deal with any potential future occurrences so that all concerned are aware and can seek appropriate support.

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