To ask for your thoughts.

[Blueskysunsout]

I have a bit of a back history and have posted before. I had a long marriage with my ex, 2 dc now teens. Split 6 years ago and got a bad beating from him as he found out where I was living and waited on me coming home one evening. All went to court and he was punished, but have still continued to receive abuse in some shape or form from ex. All has been reported to police but it’s never anything to break the law just annoyance. My post isnt about this but just to highlight that I feel constantly on edge and my mental health isn’t in a great place because of the history of this. I called the dr a couple of weeks ago who prescribes me some AD and pointed me in the direction of counselling. Dr is calling me back next week to see how I am.
I am not working just now as my job is a hairdresser. I only work part time doing this a couple of days a week so don’t have a lot of clients as I have a job elsewhere 3 days a week. I feel like a lot of how I’m feeling is due to the fact that I’m not working in either job and sitting dwelling over things.
I’ve also had a lot of issues with my 16 year olds daughter who has been brainwashed by her dad and he is letting her do things I don’t eg let bf stay over and her at his (she has only been with the boy a couple of months and he is into drugs and has a v bad reputation) this whole situation has caused me many sleepless nights a s I worry constantly.
Anyway to the point of my post.....

Over the month of January I had clients booked in. I have an area I work from at home, I wont do mobile unless I know the person as I fear it may be my ex setting me up, also I don’t take on new clients incase its fake appointments made by him. When I do work from home on a Wednesday I have a pop up sink that I put up in my downstairs bathroom for rinsing off colours and shampooing.
Some of the clients booked for January were balayage, some highlights and a few all over tints. Obviously all these were cancelled but I offered the all over tint clients a pack with their colour/developer/bowl/brush which they all bought from me. I’ve also advertised on my page conditioning treatment packs, and toner packs for my highlighted clients. This was just to make and income and I did this during lockdown last year. I either dropped them to the clients doorstep or they collected it from mine.
Over the past week I had my mum visiting for the first time since Christmas. I was feeling very low and my mum was too (she has been in hospital for MH problems 2 years ago) I done my mums hair and it cheered us both up no end. I felt so much better having had a conversation with my mum and doing a bit of work.
A couple of days later my very good friend who had been v v supportive throughout marriage/slplit/moving house/divorce had messaged me and I hadn’t replied. I wasn’t feeling up to texting and conversation so she had ended up popping to the door to check in on me on the way home from her work. I stood inside my house at the door and she was well back from the door and we spoke for 10 mins. My neighbour 2 doors away seen her at the door and was constantly looking over.
The next day I had a visit from the police and a call from my Local authority (I rent the house from them) stating that I’m running a business from home (LA) and still doing hair. (Police)
I know I’m not but to be accused of this and the way the man spoke to me from the LA made me feel really horrible.
I’ve been crying and feel worse than I was a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t done anything wrong I dont think. I have had clients come to my door to pick up colours, I had my mum to visit and a friend check in on me. The police said this was okay.
I asked the police if was my ex who reported this as I wanted to complain that this was just him harassing me by sending the police and they said “no -A bit closer to home, do you get on with your neighbours?” The obv can’t tell
Me who it was but my gut is telling me it’s the woman from 2 doors away who was staring over when my friend came by.
I’ve lived here 4 years. My neighbours are all nice and everyone keeps themselves to themselves. This person moved here last year and doesn’t know me.
I’m feeling constantly sick that someone done this and even tried to get me on to trouble with my landlord. Why? What have I done to her? I never want to get into conflict with anyone, I’m very private and just want a quiet life after all I had with my ex.
I know I’m just pointlessly posting but this is eating me up that I’ve upset someone to the point that they’ve complained against me.

Forgot to add that I feel nervous and sick a lot as I’m constantly waiting on something happening like the police turning up. I actually felt like a let out a breath and relaxed when they asked if had a person having their hair done this morning. I had actually been on a meeting on Teams through my job and could prove that.
I have nothing to hide but I’m not going to sell the hair packs and I’m going to message my friend to stay away. This will impact my income and my MH will suffer as I can’t talk about things with my friend. ( I shouldn’t as the police said she is allowed to come to me if she’s helping me through things)
I do qualify for help with being self employed but because of how I’ve been my income has been very low so I barely get anything near what I usually get but I’m managing.

Anyone?

Hand hold from here until someone with better advice than me can come along!

However no wonder you're on edge OP, it all sounds very exhausting. Hopefully the medication will help you a bit going forward - it can take a few weeks to help.

Please try not to let the officials get to you, they have to be firm and ask questions, but you haven't done anything wrong.

If your neighbour did report you, that's on her and her anxiety, not you and your personality.

Some people are super on-edge right now and she may have seen people vaguely popping over but not properly clocked that they weren't coming in. Its daft if course, but nothing about you personally. I bet if things weren't already so grim you'd be able to roll your eyes at her, but it feels personal because you're so down anyway.

Can you do something nice to care for yourself now? Nice cup of tea with extra sugar perhaps?

It doesn’t sound like this is anything to do with your ex, it sounds like it was your neighbour that has reported you.

You need to check your rental agreement because they will often stipulate that a business should not be run from the property and it definitely sounds like you do. Currently you are selling from your house and previously you have done hair appointments.

I don’t think you will hear anything else from the police.

Is your mum in your support bubble? If so, she's perfectly entitled to come to your house and if you choose to do her hair, that's up to you.

With regards to selling the hair kits from home and doing client's hair (pre-lockdown), that is considered running a business from home.

Of course you can talk to your friend in a socially distanced way, whether that's on your doorstep, on a walk or on the phone.

There's always someone like your neighbour: sadly. I'm sorry it's affecting you OP. Please don't let it stop you keeping your hairdressing ticking over. Look on it as a heads up, you know she's a c*w now, but you can deal with it. Only drop off the hair kits or hand over at the supermarket or on a walk. Meet your friend outdoors for a walk & chat. She's doing it because unhappy people don't like others being happy. Feel sorry for her & just think, it won't be just you she's like that with, you're just handy because you're close by . Don't give her ambition & she'll move in to someone else . I wish my hairdresser would do what you're doing.

Thanks for the hand holds. I rally like to keep myself busy and enjoy Popeyes company a lot. But at the same time I like to have my own private time. I’ve just had too much of it and it’s caused me to think of the past etc. The worst of it is the noghnours husband is a mental health worker and I’m surprised that she’s done this but through elimination of the street (there’s only 8 houses at my part of the street) it has to be her.
I’m going to wait a few weeks and approach the LA and let them know that one day I week o plan to work from from home and ask permission. There is more than deviate parking and my partner works from a business that has private rubbish uplifts so he takes my one carrier bag of rubbish from my bin with him to work when I’m working. I hope they don’t have an issue. People run wfh like bodyshop/fm perfumes etc having people come and pick up or maybe I’m just being unreasonable comparing that to me.
I’m constantly worrying and thinking about it and upset that I’ve annoyed someone and someone has enough dislike for me to do that. I honestly live such a quiet peaceful life.

Oh my. I’m laughing at my auto correct “Popeye” I can confirm I do not know popeye or any other sailorman.
I meant people 😂😂

If you're going to tell your LA about it, at least consider first [[https://www.gov.uk/run-business-from-home]]

Sorry I fucked up the link

www.gov.uk/run-business-from-home

She has targed you personally. She may have honestly thought that you are still doing hair and quite rightly reported you. The people I know who are still selling colours/facial treatments are delivering them to clients, or posting them. But doorstop pick up is fine.

Still see your Mum and your friend. If you can then go for a walk with your friend. It's how you are feeling mentally that's making this seem bigger and more personal.