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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Indecisive DH driving me mad!

3 replies

Lactofreemeatballs · 07/02/2021 11:17

Dh can be really indecisive, especially over bigger things. I am not the best at decision making but better than him. (IMO)

For example it took us 18 months to find a house he was happy with (not fancy - 1930s semi in the burbs... so plenty of options.) - he finally caved when I was pregnant and it was clear my studio flat would not work any longer.

Now we are in the position that the house needs significant works to make it work for us long term. We have been talking about this for years since DCs arrived - youngest is now 5.

So as not to drip feed it is significant that DH is the main earner - I have just returned to work part time after being a SAHM, however my work is portable in a way that DHs isn't. He started a new job last Feb - office based, however for all but the first 3 weeks he has been working remotely from home because of covid, he prefers this and he is more productive this way. He likes his job, it is going well and as he is nearly 50 with an erratic work history he (and I) are very keen that he should stay there. In any case we would need to borrow to fund the works.

The thing is neither of us love our house or the area. We have often talked about moving away to be nearer the coast (and our families). Last year we talked about DH applying for remote working on a more permanent basis and moving away. But DH would not approach his work and we then made the decision to stay put and extend. We have plans, planning permission, funds and a builder itching to get started. I have just started a job locally.

However, DH has now decided that the extra cash would allow us to buy something much nicer elsewhere and that he is going to speak to his work to request a more permanent home working arrangement. (Not 100% but at least 3 days a week). If this is approved then it looks like will move. The cost of the work is significantly more that the additional value it will add to the house , so it is only worth it if we want to stay in the longer term.

AIBU to be fed up with all the hoops we have gone through just to end up back where we were last year (except with the added complication of my new job)? Of course I could refuse to move and push ahead with the extension, but ultimately I want to move to be nearer my family and have no attachment to where we live now.

Sorry this is sooo long and thank you if you have stuck with it!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/02/2021 11:21

Yep annoying but if he's been there a year now I can see why he is more confident asking to WFH. I also thinking the reality of spending £x on extending to stay somewhere you don't like in a smallish house after the last year has brought him up sharp on wanting to move away.

Use the drawn up plans as a selling point when you come to sell.

I hope he gets approval to WFH 🤞

Lactofreemeatballs · 07/02/2021 11:53

Good point about the lock down concentrating his mind, and yes, I guess he is in a better position to approach work now... I just hope this is the last u-turn.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 07/02/2021 12:29

Well if it's agreed then you make that line in the sand and the DC going to new schools is leverage so it is done and dusted well before secondary applications.

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