To ask whats a "good enough" reason to have a child

[balihai550]

So, got into a debate with a friend....

She wants to have a baby because she needs something to ground her.

I said she ought to consider her reasons carefully because there having a baby is a relentless exercise, and a lifelong relationship intense commitment.

She then fired back my reasons for having one weren't that solid either. My reasons were...

That I had lots of love to give, and that I just felt that need to have a child.

Not after a critique of my reasons, or hers... but what do the readers of this consider "good" reasons to have children?

@Echobelly

I just thought it'd be really interesting. And it has been.

That was absolutely my reason.

You don’t need a reason. If your body is capable of reproduction, and you have sex, you will probably reproduce. It’s a natural function, so really, it seems more reasonable to have a reason to prevent reproduction.

Because you want one?

Having a baby is down to wanting a child, but also balanced with being able to provide emotionally, financially, have built a strong solid relationship with the child's family so they will have a secure loving home. It's a balance of want and responsibility. Sadly myself included in this- it rarely happens that way.

I think most people just start with ‘I want children’ and then find other reasons to justify when. It’s individual and you were pretty rude OP.

I'll admit that I might question what 'something to ground her' means as I'm not sure understand that phrase when it comes to a child. It seems a really disruptive change rather than grounding.

I more looked at the risks and whether I was willing to accept them with the other person involved. There are a lot of risks it's impossible to foresee/get your head around until they're here probably, but as I think I could have been equally happy either way as long as I could choose (not something everyone gets either way) so it came down to getting involved with someone who was keen to build a life around a family, made it sound like something great that we could handle, and making the choice to accept the risks in that together.

While I think there are bad reasons to have children (like wanting to live vicariously through them), I don't think that there are an objectively good reasons. They're all going to be about perceived benefits, pleasure, meaning which can be viewed as selfish but that's part of life.

Wanting a child to "ground" herself sounds kind of selfish to me. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what she means by it.

To me the best reasons for wanting a child, are that you want a child to love and care for (and ideally are able to provide for it in terms of being financially stable etc).

I think to me I'd worry a person who wanted a child to "ground" herself, wasn't really emotionally ready to bring up a child. I don't know. Life's not perfect though and the best intentions and plans can go wrong. Ideal looking parents who have all the right things on paper may turn out to be terrible, and vice versa.

A friend of mine once told me she wanted a baby so she could leave work and never be stressed again. I was very good...

It’s a bit high and mighty to suggest your reasons are better than your friends reason for having a child. Ultimately the reasons all come down to “I want to” which is fine.
You were unreasonable and rude.