In car fighting

[sillydad]

Am I being melodramatic to think that my step mother trying to start a fight with me when I'm driving with ds in the back is putting him in danger.

Yes.

Are we talking verbal fight or fistfight?

If verbal then annoying but only dangerous if you allow your driving to deteriorate, in which case you would be the one putting your ds in danger. If fistfight then yanbu, you should stop the car and ask her to get out.

Was verbal but she has been known to get violent, her second husband left her because of physical abuse. Her version of verbal verges on emotional abuse and she wants to get a reaction (worst case was suggesting that I should have been aborted as then my mother who had pnd would not have killed herself). I've been trying to rebuild relationship with her as she is the nearest thing to a grandparent my ds son has in this country but after this I don't think its a good idea.
I managed to not respond to her as that would have affected my driving, but I was very upset by the whole thing.

Oh, bloody hell, SD

Sorry, I was v flippant and shouldn't have been. Should have realised there was more to it than the OP.

What a horrific thing to say to you re your mother

Tbh, I do not think that I would want my child to have any kind of relationship with someone so nasty. What a horrible thing to say to anyone.

Apology accepted hunkermunker. She's only sunk that low once and to be fair it was acutually said to my twin brother. But the thought was there? Funny thing is if that had happened then she wouldn't have married my father and her children would never had been born. But lifes a strange thing

Anyway questions stil stands. I am going to write to her explaining how I feel and I was thinking of putting in how I felt she had endangered my son. Is this a stupid idea ?

i think dear, that in future you should stopthe car make pointed eye references to your child and say " lets talk outside the car."

when she gets out - drive away.

simply do not put up with this kind of behaviour

Hmm, I am not sure. It depends on how you think she might react. If she is the kind of person who would think about it and consider her reacton it might work.

I suspect, from your OP, that she would not react like that. Would she be likely to go off on a rant?

It might be better to stick to your main point, that she said something that was unacceptable and hurtful. That is the thing that she needs to think about. The fact that it happened while you were driving is not good, but you do run the risk of her ranting about that rather than thinking about her behaviour.

Actually, the fact that she verbally abuses you in front of your DS is actually imo the worst thing about this. What a terrible example she is setting. How old is your DS?

Ds is just coming up to 2 and so doesn't relly understand whats going on. He was just upset that daddy was sad (top tip on how to stop tantrum, burst into tears yourself).

I'm not really sure how I see any relationship with stepmother in future and thats something that I need to sort out in my head before I write to her.

Very for you and for your DS. Children do pick up on the feelings of their parents. It will not be long before your DS understands more of your stepmother's abuse.

My DD got upset this week after hearing about an accident at a building site where 3 people died. She asked if my DH had to go there again (she knows that he has been to company on business). It was just on the radio, we were not really listening to it but she heard enough.

How is your stepmother with your DS? Would he miss her if she were not to be part of his life? Do you think she would be abusive with him?

Kids do not need to hear an adult argument.

That's it really.

I would have blanked her until she got the message then read her the riot act when away from the kids.

Hmm, the people who are at risk if a driver gets suddenly upset are the driver, all passengers, all occupants of cars behind you and coming the other way, plus any pedestrians/cyclists.

A crash would be very bad, as driver take charge and do not allow head cases in your car at all. Seriously, it's your life and others.

A bus driver would chuck out a passenger causing major trouble and aircraft make emergency landings. Don't stand for this nonsense.

Rant over.

I am a driving instructor and have only read op.
I teach all my pupils to never drive when feeling emotional. Happy or sad or angry or anything. You should be thinking entirely straight at all times when behind the wheel. If something drastic were to happen on the road in front, then reaction times need to be snappy not at all distracted in any way.

At the end of the day you are driving a lethal weapon.

Not so easy to deal with as a row develops while your still driving. Id of pulled over, and had it out with her.
She is not to blame for any accident that may have occurred its you driving not her. Its your responsibility to stop driving if you feel you are not safe!

Very sensible advise haychEebeeJeebees but as we were on motorway it would have been more dangerous amd illegal to pull over.

For distraction the most dangerous thing you can have in your car are children. I haven't gone as far as the Norwgian woman who changed her twins nappies while doing 90, but have done my share of keeping awake/happy and even feeding while driving.