Increase dc maintenance

[giggly]

Not sure if I’m AIBU a CF or correct.
Exdh pays monthly maintenance for 2dc no issues ever and will give more if asked. He will also go halves in big purchase items like new furniture etc for dc. However during lockdown I have the dc 24/7 so I am feeding them an extra two days every week. He is shielding so they don’t go to his.
Should I ask for more to reflect this?

Technically yes but what's it worth to your long term relationship with him? For example you might get an extra few pounds now but will it cost you more goodwill in thd long term?

I'd say that if he's quite amicable and paying generously over the cms rates and half for large purposes etc, I'd be thinking that given he's not choosing lightly not to see them, kbeing cev and shielding is so hard believe me), so I don't think that I'd be raising it.
Though I would, perhaps look at seeing if you and the girls could perhaps send him a lockdown gift to lighten his day? A hamper, flowers, photo gift etc would be so appreciated if his children seem to far away at this time!

Wow your ex sounds nice, my ex pays £7 for 4 kids and wouldn’t buy anything extra if asked, that’s for my maintenance to cover apparently 🤣🤣 so no I would leave it he sounds pretty generous as it is

Also he is shielding so can’t see them which isn’t his fault unlike my ex who just can’t be bothered.

Oh dear I must have painted him as a good guy actually he’s an arse and the only reason we are amicable is because I chose my fights. He actually walked away and left me with thousands and thousands of debt which I had to pay as he wasn’t working then.
His embarrassment of his behaviour and the fact that he lived like a king due to my previous earnings are the only reason he pays maintenance along with the fact that he has little to no outgoings now, can’t be more specific as to outing.
He has taken no interest in the dc schooling even before lockdown so it’s all on me.
I’m just pissed because it wouldn’t even cross his mind to send a pizza delivery or something similar for his dc dinner. I know it wouldn’t be much money it’s more then principal of not providing for them in what would have been the days he saw them.
Dc do occasionally go round and sit in the garden but are not really fussed about seeing him tbh.

@MotherExtraordinaire the only lockdown gift he’d be getting is the kids dirty washing in afraid.

I think only you can make this choice. Whether he's an arse or not he could be even more of one by paying the bare minimum, you'll have to decide if it's a battle worth fighting when lockdown isn't forever.

Well you're two posts paint different pictures. It goes to show how easily we can present things one way or another.

If he pays over and above CMS and for other things on top I would suggest not asking. Surely it doesn't cost that much to feed your children for two days a week? It also depends how much over and above the minimum he pays.

If you are struggling then ask but it doesn't like you are.

Also consider his financial position. Is he earning the same or less?

Well that’s pretty different from what you posted, it all sounded amicable you’ve added that when the comments didn’t go the way you wanted. I don’t personally know anyone’s ex who pays for half of furniture on top of maintenance , when I moved into my new house ex wouldn’t even contribute on half the cost for their beds because they had none.

Does he pay more than cms rate currently? Did he previously have them overnight?
I mean it would be lovely if he paid more as you are now feeding them all the time, but if he already pays more than he has to then he may well not want to pay more.

You are very lucky! My ex pays cm but has gone to the ends of the earth to try and get it reduced by £14 a week. Honestly I wouldn't push it with your situation - it sounds ok.
I also have the kids at home a lot more but feeding them lunches etc doesn't have to be a lot more expensive

How much does he pay now OP?

If he pays discounted on having them for regular nights, perhaps it’s worth asking for an uplift. Although I’m feeding my child more than normal, we’re not eating out, going to the cinema, shopping etc, so probably spending less.

Wouldn’t it then have to go back down when he’s not shielding and they can go back to having overnights? I wouldn’t ask for more if he pays regularly and gives you more then asked for the sake of a few weeks , it’s not worth the animosity

I’ve actually suggested my exh drop his payments as I’m
It paying for school lunches or transport. His income has dropped massively and mine has stayed the same so I’d rather my kids didn’t see their dad and stepmum struggle. Hopefully it’s not for long

I wish my exh would offer extra money for all the extra meals I’m currently having to provide. He’s decided to have non essential building works to co incide exactly with lockdown, and decrees that this means the kids can’t be there at all. Building work is to get house ready for his new baby

Which means I’ve got kids 24/7 throughout lockdown, all homeschooling and general entertainment calls to me. He’s taken them for the odd walk. The worst thing about it is he constantly wants to be at my house to see them! I don’t want his company.

Then he wants to eat my food too!

As he is CEV, what has happened to his income? Is he WFH on his usual pay, or is he on furlough?