Shyness/fitting in at work

[ParisStilton1]

It's not really AIBU, just for advice really.

I've been working a couple of weeks in an assisted living facility for people with learning difficulties, on a rota system with about 5/6 others.

A few of them have been very welcoming and friendly, however 1/2 haven't really said a word to me and I have felt quite nervous and shy when alone with some of them.

I have always been quite shy and quiet and i know it's something I need to work on. I don't think there's anything wrong with being quiet at all, we are all different, but I've always found it difficult in work settings where you are expected to be sociable.

We seem to be pretty different and I feel like I can't relate. They talk a lot about getting bladdered etc. And i don't drink, they also swear a lot in front of our disabled clients and talk about sex which I think is highly unprofessional, even if our clients are non verbal they may still understand.

I tried to make conversation with one girl, how long have you worked here etc. And she replied but has made zero effort to get to know me.

They are currently sat together now and I am sitting separately on my break. If they ask i will say it's because of covid, and I'm sure I overheard one whisper I was boring.

I just feel like I don't fit in, they don't make much effort with me and I'm aware I'm coming across boring. Just feel awkward.

Fortunately 1/2 of them are not like this and I get on well. Any advice?

I've always wanted a job where I work alone as i struggle with this.

They have worked together for 4 years and I guess I thought they might be interested in me as a new person. They don't have to really like me etc. But just some basic conversation at least. I don't have the local accent and in the past I admit I have had people think I'm 'posh' even though I'm nothing of the sort. They might also think my shyness is being stand offish but I'm always smiley etc and polite.

They don't sound like pleasant people. My advice would be to keep communication with them at a minimum, only where it's necessary for work. Chat to the people who are nicer and you feel more comfortable chatting with. I'm a shy/socially awkward person myself, but the people you describe don't sound like people I'd want to be friendly with. I wouldn't ignore them, but wouldn't go out of my way to chat.

I totally understand how you feel. I have done temp work with short and longer term roles over 2 and a half years.
It is taxing to learn a new job and form new work relationships.

1. Be patient with yourself it all takes time.
2. This is work, you may make friends but all you need is colleagues
3. It is hard to know the dynamics of a work place. People all react to a new colleague in a new way. Keep polite and ask people to share their expertise. Let everyone see you are capable and willing to learn.

Yeah you're right, i should focus on the others.
They joked about the girl and another male support worker having sex on the sofa hence why it's a little broken and the girl didn't deny it.
They made a bit of conversation back to me when I made some but I'm very much not in the conversation and I feel awkward just randomly butting in.

They just don’t sound pleasant or professional. Are there any other jobs? I used to be extremely shy but am a nurse. I’ve come out of my shyness so much and am probably the most talkative in my team now, I get laughed at when I say how shy I was as they don’t believe me. It took a while of me being confident talking to patients/clients then I just became more confident talking to colleagues. It helped when I got a job I loved and everyone was just so nice. Even if I didn’t talk it felt comfortable. I think the problem you have is that these just aren’t your people! You sound like you have little in common with them and not much respect for them (because of the way they talk in front of clients and I wouldn’t either!). It might be worth looking elsewhere.

Thanks, yeah I'm just getting on with the work really and asking them if I need help etc. Just trying to use my intiative. Maybe it will take time and things will improve.

It sounds like you judge them - that's not a dig, as I would too, but it will probably be really obvious to them. Try to stay really professional with them, and enjoy friendships with the nicer people.

Yeah maybe they just aren't my kind of people. If I'm alone with the others it's fine, but this girl I've just met has really not made any effort. Thankfully I won't be working much with her.

That's a good point. I don't want to come across as thinking i am superior. They are currently having a conversation about sex toys within earshot of our clients and I'm just ignoring it.

It is hard when you are shy but they don't sound like nice people. As long as you keep polite and friendly I would pay no heed to them. Be confident in yourself and build a good working relationship with those you do get on with.

It does take a long while to feel at home on a work team and it is always better to be true to yourself than try and fake anything.

Thanks, I'll just keep doing that. If I'm polite, smile, do my job and communicate necessary information then i suppose they cannot say anything negative. They are allowed to dislike me but they wouldn't be able to accuse me of anything.

@ParisStilton1

That's a good point. I don't want to come across as thinking i am superior. They are currently having a conversation about sex toys within earshot of our clients and I'm just ignoring it.

This is awful!

They sound vile and rough as hell. Who cares if they like you? Be polite but don't worry about forming relationships with them. Focus on the nice staff.

I have worked within the field of learning disabilities all my life and I wouldnt like them either. Those sound completely inappropriate conversations to be having in front of service users.

This is the first shift where I've actually felt really awkward. 2/3 of them were amazing, gave me their numbers and said call if you ever need anything.
I feel better though for this thread.
I guess some workplaces can just be cliquey sadly.

Some places like this are just really cliquey and unwelcoming, others are friendlier. If half the people there are being nice to you then I'd say you're doing well. I wouldn't give these idiots any more headspace.

It's a shame as it can really change the whole working experience. I'd love to just work for myself one day !

I've just heard the girl say to the guy that they should go out and get some food now. (Leaving me alone at the house with 3 disabled clients and totally against company policy) and the guy said, no it would be tight on her. What a joke.