For the last 2 years I've had waves of over thinking that I'm autistic. I'm in a wave now. I can't get it out of my mind. My brother is autistic, quite clearly. Diagnosed when he was young. I'm 34. Sometimes I think I just have a few traits but not enough to be classed as autistic and I get close to accepting that but then other times I analyse myself over and over to try and group together all the traits to see if it could amount to an autism diagnoses. So clearly I don't accept it.
Things that make me think I could be autistic are...
I'm a slow processor.
I'm a slow learner. I was about a year behind to learn to read and write. Rarely make eye contact when I'm talking.
I take a long time to feel comfortable around people. Like a few years.
When I'm stressed I get withdrawn. This causes issues with my DP.
I've been told many times I have resting bitch face and that people can't read me.
I'm very sensitive to criticism or perceived criticism.
I'm clumsy.
I'd describe myself as a bad communicator.
I have a mental block when it comes to writing. I avoid it.
I struggle to adjust to different temperatures, it takes me longer than usual. Like I have to make sure I arrive early to things because if I walk somewhere in the cold and then get to a room temperature building I go into a hot sweat which is embarrassing and then I get flustered and my communication skills get worse.
I don't like the beginning of any book I read, any programme I watch, new clothes. I tend not to like new places until I've been there a few times. I have to power through all these things as I know my pattern, but it's exhausting and I might not like it anyway!
I cry a lot. At least once a week.
I struggle to talk in a groups. Even when it's my friends.
I struggle without a routine. I struggle to be productive unless the day before I have wrote a to do list. This sounds so silly but I literally can't find the motivation to do something in the moment even if I know I want to do it, unless I've wrote it down the day before.
Things that make me feel I'm not autistic...
I think I'm very empathetic.
I have friends.
I did learn to read and write in the end. I have a good job.
I don't have any sensory issues that I can think of.
So far I've not been able to bring myself to talking to my GP about it as I feel like I shouldn't be using up NHS resources when I'm clearly not struggling as much as some people. I can't afford a private one.
Not sure of the purpose of this post. But it was good to get it down. It would be good to hear any similar experiences or thoughts.