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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to support unemployed girlfriend?

20 replies

stressedalottttttt · 05/02/2021 23:53

We have been saving to get a mortgage for the past 2 years ready for next year but her savings are dwindeling after struggling to find work since September. She is a supply teacher and has been for a year.
She was on furlough from March - September and her agency did find her some work from September up until December (She was working around 4 days a week). However, she has not worked at all this year but has been on furlough this month, so very lucky.

However, she's been crying the past few days stressed that she is not going to get any work this academic year and with TopShop closing it has sent her over the edge about how difficult it is going to be to get a job if there is no work in school's come March.

I WFH atm so I see how the boredom of being at home is getting to her and she has put her name down to volunteer for a mental health helpline, which will take a few weeks to get back to her, and she is also trying to learn sign language from home.
She has also applied for various jobs (no teaching jobs available at the moment but she's hoping they'll start popping up soon), and she's had 2 interviews but been unsuccessful.
She had one teaching interview but was rang about ten minutes after the interview to say she had been unsuccessful which really upset her.
Tonight she broke down again about how she's worried I am going to fall out of love with her for not having a job and that she's worried she won't be able to afford a mortgage. I cuddled her for ages and told her it would be okay and that I love her and my money is her money too. But I don't know what else to do so wondering if anyone knows the best ways to support someone? It feels she's been a zombie this week, the past few weeks she's been so excited about sign language, whereas this week she's just lost that motivation.

I'm sure she's not the only feeling this way!

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/02/2021 23:59

Hang on she’s worked until Dec,only since 2021 that’s pretty good considering
Furlough March to Sep and work til Dec You both need to reframe the thinking,actually it’s only 6wk she’s not worked
And she’s still getting shortlists and interviews in these difficult time
Don’t refer to her as zombie,I get it’s a colloquialism but it’s quite derogatory

You both adjust your expectation
You moderate your language
And you buckle on down it’s a hard time, ride it out

stressedalottttttt · 06/02/2021 00:02

Yeah I probably worded that wrong sorry! She has been applying for permanent jobs since September

OP posts:
jelly79 · 06/02/2021 00:03

Haven't you posted this before?

stressedalottttttt · 06/02/2021 00:04

I do tell her she has been so lucky compared to other people, but I suppose it's easy for me to say that to her when I'm not the one feeling anxious

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/02/2021 00:13

No don’t draw comparisons. Just tell he’s she’s smart,gets interviews and it’s a hard time at the mo
She’s feeling scared & exposed.you don’t need to bring luck or comparison into this

Goodbye2020Helllo2021 · 06/02/2021 00:14

She's doing better than a lot of people if she was on furlough from March, worked Sept to Dec and is on furlough again now! Financially I mean!
I know it's tough but saving for a mortgage might have to be scaled back a bit just for now depending on how things go when schools re-open.
She's probably bored and anxious about the future but you both need to live in the moment and as the previous poster said, ride it out.
Are you genuinely supportive? She is obviously feeling great pressure to get a steady job. She'll have work again when schools are back.

yoyo1234 · 06/02/2021 00:14

She is getting through to interview stage🙂. There can be hundreds of people applying per certain jobs at the moment so she is doing very well. It has been since January I would want my partner to say very similar to what you have been and the aim would be to keep the motivation for applying there.

yoyo1234 · 06/02/2021 00:18

I wouldn't mention "luck" but her qualities and why any employer would be lucky to have her.

Osirus · 06/02/2021 00:18

I’ve got no advice, but I just wanted to say it sounds like you’re being really supportive, and handling the situation in the right way. Things will get better; it’s just really tough at the moment.

Best of luck to you both.

Aiaiaicorona · 06/02/2021 00:19

How about tutoring? The government tutor thing too? Is she primary or secondary?

Sparklesocks · 06/02/2021 01:04

I feel like I’ve read this before. Yes agree with others, continue to be supportive and don’t say ‘you’re better off than people who XYZ’ as that never helps someone feel any better even with the best intentions.

Vivi0 · 06/02/2021 01:07

@jelly79

Haven't you posted this before?
I’m pretty sure there has been a thread written from the POV of the supply teacher girlfriend and a thread written from the POV of the mother of the boyfriend of the supply teacher girlfriend.
EKGEMS · 06/02/2021 01:07

@Sparklesocks We have except the first post the poor unemployed girlfriend had been unemployed for about five minutes

DahliaRoses · 06/02/2021 01:25

TROLL thread

NuniaBeeswax · 06/02/2021 02:11

Is this the supply teacher troll again? Yawn.

Imworthit · 06/02/2021 04:56

@jelly79

Haven't you posted this before?
This
lovelemoncurd · 06/02/2021 06:06

This is literally the most boring troll thread ever then. If you're going to troll why on earth chose this as a topic?!?

Wishingwell75 · 06/02/2021 06:14

Honesty don't get some of these T threads if that's what it is. I'm sure their actual lives must be more interesting than this. The Topshop angle was cute though. I was hoping for a drip feed wherein the sad gf spends all her savings at Topshop before they close...... OP?

Ticklemynickel · 06/02/2021 06:19

It's a reverse isn't it? It's always the supply teacher girlfriend obsessing that her BF is going to leave her because she's out of work. Yawn.

Emlikestohelp · 08/06/2021 15:54

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