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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - My husband is horrible isn’t he?

14 replies

Dogbed · 05/02/2021 16:17

The kids were moaning and playing up and I made a comment to him that I was over this family life (I was obviously joking but I am fed up) so he then says well at least your going out tonight.
By going out he means I’m going to work for a 12.5 hour nightshift. Wtf the more I think of it the angrier I am.
He by the way has been at work all week during the day. I have been doing 3x 12.5 hour nightshifts at the weekends.
This week alone I have had comments like What have I done all day, he was annoyed I asked him to take the dog out last night and he is moaning now that can I get a taxi home in the morning to give him a break. We live about 10 minutes from my work.
I also leave the house clean and tidy then by a Monday it’s a mess as he does nothing.
Sorry it’s a rant by I need to get this out my system 😂

OP posts:

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/02/2021 16:22

Working isn’t going out,it’s not a social activity esp at moment
He should try keep on top of house stuff yes
And he should pick you up from work seeing he’s free to do so

GreatExpectationalized · 05/02/2021 16:52

Get the lazy bugger up off his bum and doing his fair share.

What do you like about him?

EachBleachBlairTrump · 05/02/2021 17:05

How old are the children? If little I can see getting them ready and out of the for in the morning to collect you might be a pain when you could get a cab.
It's not ok he doesn't tidy up when he is with the children if that's what you do during the week. My response to his comment would've been, well on that basis you've been out all week did you have fun?

SummaLuvin · 05/02/2021 17:09

have you actually spoken to him about it, or let him think it's acceptable because you silently seethe, martyr yourself, and whinge on mumsnet

RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 05/02/2021 17:15

I just read this as he means you're getting out of the house and family environment, not that he thinks you're off on a jolly. Its also not clear if he was serious since your initial comment wasnt.

He should be doing his fair share when he's not working and not just leaving it as a tip for you. Same way when you're not working you'll be juggling the kids/housework/dog etc too. He has a cheek to ask what you're doing if by Monday the place is a mess.

The comment isnt the issue, but his overall attitude doesn't sound great.

MintyMabel · 05/02/2021 17:30

Is he going out to work or working from home?

I ask because it has become clear that people who are still going out to work really have no clue what it is like to not go anywhere other than out for a daily walk.

The absolute worst "you MUST stay at home, how DARE you break any rule" folks in my experience are the ones who still go to their job every day. They just don't get it.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/02/2021 17:32

@Dogbed

The kids were moaning and playing up and I made a comment to him that I was over this family life (I was obviously joking but I am fed up) so he then says well at least your going out tonight. By going out he means I’m going to work for a 12.5 hour nightshift. Wtf the more I think of it the angrier I am. He by the way has been at work all week during the day. I have been doing 3x 12.5 hour nightshifts at the weekends. This week alone I have had comments like What have I done all day, he was annoyed I asked him to take the dog out last night and he is moaning now that can I get a taxi home in the morning to give him a break. We live about 10 minutes from my work. I also leave the house clean and tidy then by a Monday it’s a mess as he does nothing. Sorry it’s a rant by I need to get this out my system 😂

He needs to get his finger out.

NiceGerbil · 05/02/2021 17:34

I was going to say

Well DH has gone out to work the whole time and I am at home and ironically I have envied him it.

But then I read the rest.

No sorry he's being an arse.

As a pp said, have you discussed it?

MissMarpleDarling · 05/02/2021 17:35

He doesn't tidy his own house?! Sounds like my teen.

madmara · 05/02/2021 17:37

Other than not keeping the house clean at the weekend, it sounds like he's fed up too.

BritWifeinUSA · 05/02/2021 17:41

You don’t want him to take your comment seriously (which was far worse, in my opinion, as you joked about not wanting to be part of the family anymore so I hope your children didn’t hear that) but you want the whole world to take his comment seriously. Yeah, that’s fair...

I am trying to imagine what would be the reaction on here if a woman reported that her husband had (even in jest) said that they were “done with this family life”.

visitorfromtheplanetzog · 05/02/2021 17:50

@BritWifeinUSA

I am trying to imagine what would be the reaction on here if a woman reported that her husband had (even in jest) said that they were “done with this family life”.

And if that man spent his entire time at home looking after the kids and doing all the housework etc etc etc and his wife didn't lift a finger during the week but just came out with comments like 'what have you been doing all day?' and then the man did three very long shifts at the weekend only to come home and find that the place was a tip and his wife had done fuck all while he was at work?

What difference does it make which sex the partner is when the other partner is being a lazy arse?

Hamster1111 · 05/02/2021 17:50

Honestly it sounds like a flippant comment in this god awful situation.

It was a shit thing to say. He probably didnt mean it.

Yes, he should keep the house in order whilst you are out at work whilst you do the same when he is at work.

Can you afford a taxi home? Yes? Get a taxi, he's tired (presuming you cut him slack when he is on the edge)

If not, then maybe he will pick you to tomorrow when he has chilled out a bit.

This is in the context of him usually being a reasonable human being. If this is the tip of the iceberg of shitty comments and behaviour then that might be a different scenario.

LochJessMonster · 05/02/2021 18:03

I just read this as he means you're getting out of the house and family environment, not that he thinks you're off on a jolly. Its also not clear if he was serious since your initial comment wasnt.

This.

Plus you should walk the dog on days he’s been working, and vice versa.

If you work 10 minutes away, can’t you walk or cycle home?

Sounds like you’ve both had a tough week and the kids are being little terrors this evening.

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