OCD driving me potty

[pumpkinbump]

AIBU to ask what at are your rituals? In particular bed time ones. Any advice or dealing with them?

Here's mine,

Have a wee
Let the dog out
Lock the back door, pull down on the handle hard, then pull it down four times, put the key back in, unlock it and lock it again. More pulling until I'm happy in my head that it's locked.

Make sure all kitchen switches are off bar the fridge.

Start on this cooker, make sure all 6 knobs are aligned perfectly with the markings, can take up to 10 minutes.

Back to back door and pull handle down again.

Push fridge and freezer door a few times to make sure it's closed.

Feel the switches in the living room to make sure they feel right. Take out plugs.

Front door same as back door.

Bedroom, make sure switches are off and all feel the same.

Turn boiler off, then put it on timer, turn it on, back off and on timer again.

Push against my bed to make sure it is absolutely against the wall four times.

It puts me off getting ready for bed so I'm sat here on mumsnet at almost 2am procrastinating. I haven't even touched the cooker today so I know the knobs are in the same position, but I will still have to check them.

Anyone else?

No, but that sounds exhausting 💐

What happens if you don't do it? Would you not be able to sleep?

It is. Yes, I wouldn't be able to not do it. When fiddling with the cooker knobs, I can stare and just slightly touch one for ages trying to slightly move it. I find when doing this my mind runs wild with various thoughts, so I have to really concentrate on it to assure myself it's off.

Are you on any meds to help, pumpkin?

This must be mental agony for you OP, I’m so sorry. I don’t have an OCD as such but control issues which come in the form of Disordered eating (in various forms) so when I feel particularly out of control, it gets worse IYSWIM. I’m also an insomniac so solidarity there, lots of love to you.

I've never spoken to the doctor about this. I've always had a bit of OCD as a child, never was able to sleep if anything was on my bedroom floor, lining my bedroom door up with a pattern in the carpet and getting out of bed numerous times to check it, pushing the bed against rhe wall over and over.

As an adult, I've been doing the above routine for almost 7 years, it's gradually gotten worse with extra bits added in, such as the fridge. Same routine when leaving the house, but then I add in certain windows and running up and down the stairs to make sure the bathroom taps are off.

God knows what the doctor would make of it. I've recently been prescribed antidepressants for depression and anxiety so hopefully these will help.

@DWPmisery1972

This must be mental agony for you OP, I’m so sorry. I don’t have an OCD as such but control issues which come in the form of Disordered eating (in various forms) so when I feel particularly out of control, it gets worse IYSWIM. I’m also an insomniac so solidarity there, lots of love to you.

Thank you. Sorry you are experiencing that. I agree though about stress and anxiety, when I am particle anxious it gets much worse and takes longer. I think all in all it can take anywhere up to 20 minutes doing all these things.

My kids have rituals that I have to do. Say goodnight, tuck them in, fix the blinds etc., otherwise they make a fuss. Unless they're really tired. I think these rituals are really important. Bedtime stories and so on. But they can get out of hand. If my kids had their way, we'd have 2 hours of rituals, even more. I wonder why that is. Just like, you have to do it. Maybe a kind of anxiety about the shift to unconscious in sleep. I suppose it is a major loss of control.

I had bad OCD as a teen. My bedtime rituals were touching wood “for luck” which involved touching every different piece of wood in my room, in 4 groups of 3 taps (so 12 times in total) and had to start over if I got anything wrong.
Checked all the electricity switches were off.
If I touched something with my right hand or left, had to balance it out with the opposite hand too.
Had to “pray” for everyone in my family in order again in 4 groups of 3 mantras and tie an imaginary bow on my head to secure their safety.
It was so bloody exhausting and drove me mad. Thought I was losing the plot til I told my parents and my dad said he had the same rituals as a teenager but he used to check the taps were closed tightly (to the point no one else could open them).
Mine disappeared overnight once something happened to my family (parents split up) and I guess I realised no amount of rituals could protect my family. Not saying anything about why anyone else develops the disorder but for me that’s what happened, it came about because I could sense something wasn’t right and disappeared once something bad happened. I’ve not had it since then but it always annoys me when people say they’re “so OCD” about something like cleaning, they have no idea the silly buggers.

I used to have to have my mother recite something I made up before she left my room.

Oh I feel for you. My OCD is mainly contamination based now after doing lots of work on the rituals. I remember it all well though

@pumpkinbump I would recommend a really good therapist who understands OCD. I found one and I wish I hadn't let her sign me off.
She made me realise it wasn't my fault and it was the OCD. You don't have to live this way forever.

I've lurked on here for several years but never actually posted but I am suffering with this same thing. I struggled years ago and was seeing a CPN and psychiatrist for bipolar disorder so I had a little bit of treatment for it then and it improved but it's come back with a vengeance - it took me five hours to leave the house the other week and I worry that when I'm looking at the cooker knobs/checking the taps are off etc that I'll somehow have turned them on by looking at them! I've taken to making a video of me checking everything and saying out loud 'cooker off', 'tap off', etc. It helps a little bit but it still takes ages to leave the house, even if I haven't touched the cooker for days like you said! I can't use the oven/grill/hob on a morning when I have to go to work later or I'd never be able to bloody get out.

I know this is of absolutely no help to you, but I found it reassuring reading your post and knowing I wasn't alone so I hope this comment will bring you some reassurance that someone understands this and how fucking frustrating it is.

Please speak to the doctor about it - while it's incredibly debilitating and distressing, what you're experiencing is absolutely textbook OCD and there are ways to help. OCD-focused therapy can be very successful and there are drugs other than SSRIs to help, too (my mum has clomipramine).

Relief from it is possible and your doctor will have seen it many, many times - speak to them and get yourself a plan so that you don't have to do this every evening. I won't lie and say MH services are great right now (or ever) but you probably already know that: but with OCD this long-standing and clear cut you should get condition-specific help more easily.

I have OCD and anxiety, what I've had to do is just force myself to stop tbh, it snowballs, your routine hasn't always been this size, its grown. So I refuse to let myself do things multiple times. I press the handles and look at the cooker as I go by but not stop. I'm not going to tell you other checks I want to do but have to reduce because I dont want you to pick them up. But I've really found that forcing myself to not do it, to ignore it has helped, you gradually desensitise if you make yourself.

But if you dont feel able to do that, then you definitely need to see your doctor.

Doctors will be really used to seeing this. Antidepressants will help but only if they are the right ones at the right dosage. And you need a CBT practitioner who is an expert in treating OCD.
Please don’t hesitate to ask about any of this. It’s much more common than you think and totally treatable.

I’ve always had ocd for as long as I can remember, but after a sudden death it went in to overdrive. It was absolutely exhausting. The rituals, the worrying, the constant oneupmanship to quieten my mind, it was horrific.

I had exposure therapy cbt and it has completely transformed my life. I no longer do any of my ocd things, and during difficult periods in my life since when I’ve felt it creeping back in I’ve been able to use the tools I was taught and keep it under control.

It’s utterly shit, and a horrible thing to experience, because ultimately none of our rituals will stop anything ‘bad’ happening, it’s just magical thinking. I’d definitely recommend seeking out help, in my area you can self refer to the MH support but I went through my GP as I didn’t know this!

That sounds exhausting OP. Getting treated for anxiety and depression is only treating a side symptom rather than the actual issue though. I would speak to your GP again and be honest about everything. OCD can be successfully managed with a combination of CBT and SSRIs.

So you have a partner or friend who can support you with speaking to the doctor? My best friend has recently been diagnosed with OCD (intrusive thoughts rather than rituals) and she calls me after appointments to decompress and go through what's been said.

Wow, what you describe is so similar to me.

I've often thought I have mild OCD, but then I've seen posters on here saying it's disrespectful to people who have properly diagnosed OCD to say you 'have a bit of OCD', so I've tried to ignore it.

It's also hard to separate from just being security-conscious. All the different bits of my routine started when my husband or kids left a door unlocked, or a window open, or the oven on... and now I have to check them all before I can sleep. I typed out my bedtime routine, but I've deleted it after reading a PP saying they don't want to give you extra things to be anxious about. The part that's so close to yours is:

• Check cooker and oven dials are all straight. Stare at them a while so I can remember that they're off. If they're not, straighten then and then will myself to know that they're straight now, because I know I'll remember fiddling with them later.

In the past I've had other routines - needing to make sure all plugs are switched off when not in use (at work as well as at home), needing to 'count' colours in my head in pairs. These habits are mostly under control now. I eat sweets in pairs (or fours if I can - 2x2 or 2+2). I much prefer to have two small slices of cake than just one normal-sized. And when I do something wrong (upset someone or feel like I've been really socially awkward), I can replay it over and over in my head. Even things from years ago.

I dunno - when I write it down, is it just quirks or something more? I'm not sure. But I'm grateful that I don't have anything that impacts more strongly on my daily life.

God knows what the doctor would make of it. I've recently been prescribed antidepressants for depression and anxiety so hopefully these will help.

The doctor will help you, it's what they're there for. Tell them about your symptoms. They've heard it all before. They will be able to advise on your medication, as some types are more likely help with OCD more than others. You might also be offered CBT.

Have a look at OCD U.K. and OCD Action for advice and resources too.

I have OCD really bad too OP, and like a PP mine in centred around keeping those I love safe.

I double check the front door is locked 5 times.
All the windows x5.
check the oven and hob (you guessed it) x5.
All the electrical switches are off x5.
tap certain areas of the wall x5.
Check babys cot has nothing in it.
Check nothing anywhere near babys cot.
Go to the toilet twice.

It is exhausting and miserable but my anxiety gets up to ridiculous levels if i don't do it and I convince myself if anything happened to someone I loved it would be my fault. The worst thing is I know this is illogical but its the only way I can stop the thoughts.

I have had different rituals in the past, I have had CBT which worked all the while I was having the sessions but everything I learnt went out the window within a week or so of them stopping.

Not sure what the answer is tbh :(

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

Beth, that sounds just awful. I also think that pulling on the door handle too many times means that I've unlocked it. I go cross eyes looking at the cooker knobs sometimes so I have to take a break, so then I'm just stood there in the kitchen doing nothing. The really odd thing is though that if I'm cooking a chicken in the over or a big pot of something on the hob, I can leave that on whilst I take the dog for a walk.

I will look into that drug and see if it might be suitable for me then go ask for it. I will also have a look for some free resources online today that might help. Seems silly going to the doctor for anything at the moment when people are suffering and dying from covid or being denied cancer treatment.

Sounds awful.

This might not be at all useful or appropriate, but might a tickable checklist work? So you lock the door, pull handle down once, then tick it off. Is there any chance that could give you the assurance you need? If there's any way that coukd work I'd suggest doing it just for one thing to start with.

But I have no personal experience with OCD so apologies if this is way off the mark x

Would just like to say hubbie and I are the same, which is really not good. I have to check everything is either locked or turned off seven times. A few years ago I had to come back from work as I thought I hadn't turned something off, I had. Hubbie has to check everything and even presses on light switches to make sure they are off. Makes you realise there are a lot of us with OCD.

when people are suffering and dying from covid or being denied cancer treatment.

Whilst those things are true, it is not silly to seek help for your own issues. The covid patients are in hospitals, not GP surgeries.