DD is 6. I earn £30k per year, plus DD has some disabilities so I get LRC for her, plus child benefit and maintenance so my total income is around £32k per year.
The area I live in isn’t expensive. We are in council housing as DD needs certain things due to her disabilities (she’s on the cusp of qualifying for MRC and LRM) so my total rent plus council tax is under £600pm.
I am using a mixture of furlough for childcare reasons and annual leave at the moment (DD goes to a mainstream school as her issues are mainly related to her muscles and not due to social or learning issues) so my bills have increased slightly but I can more than meet it. My car is paid for by work and I only have to cover fuel and insurance for personal use which works out at about £100 a month (DDs conditions mean I try and walk everywhere as it’s really good for her). I have savings as I am planning to buy a house when DD is 18 either so she can live with me permanently or so she has some stability should something happen to me but I can dip into my savings if I need to. I am also saving some money as the therapies and activities that DD does to help her conditions are not currently allowed to open (swimming and gymnastics she does these in a mainstream class with some of her school friends so not open atm).
ExH pays £100 a month maintenance. On paper he earns around £10k a year but most of his assets are paid for by his parents through their business so he has maybe around double that, still a lot less than me.
I’ve recently been feeling guilty about taking maintenance off ExH. He has DD EOW overnight but due to his situation has only seen her once a month since August for a few hours. So at the moment I am her parent 100% of the time (as I can’t really do much in those 2 hours).
I know ExH is struggling financially, his parents only run his assets like that as he’s had problems with keeping a roof over his head so it’s more for DDs benefit than to hide assets from CM. He also has addiction problems although I’m sure he’s clean at the moment and has been for a long time.
For context ExH and I split due to his violence and control in 2017 but we get on mostly ok. We didn’t work as a couple but as friends and parents to DD we do get on ok although I’d never trust myself to be 100% alone with him. He was never violent in front of DD and has never raised his hands to her, if anything he’s the opposite and a bit of a Disney dad.
ExH has not asked to reduce the maintenance, I’m thinking about it. DD will not go without if I accept less, the bills will still get paid, there will still be food in the cupboards, our pets will still get fed and housed.
WWYD? Accept less maintenance or none?
YABU - Continue to take the maintenance
YANBU - don't take the maintenance