My overreaction due to pregnancy?

[Jurysinnoutinout]

I have found myself pregnant - 32 weeks gone now. Not my first but totally unexpected due to a number of medical conditions.

Getting stuff for the baby. Didn’t want to go pre-owned for things like pram, cot, Moses basket so obviously didn’t. Totally different mindset to in laws where if anything can be preowned it is and this therefore includes baby stuff.

SIL has a little one of a few months and is using a support seat that’s 6 or 7 years old and been pre-loved by a number of baby bums around that side of the family. Not thinking, I stupidly mentioned to MIL that we would be getting one. Her response was quite firmly that we were wrong to get a new one, and that it was a personal slight as not only had she got this thing x years ago but it was basically a family heirloom.

I totally accept that I don’t like accepting things from that side. A drama is always made regarding the favour that’s been done, and I am often told that families should split wealth with the focus pretty much always on us to do said splitting (countless incidents where we have been expected to foot a bill or allow usage of things). This colours my view, and I accept that I don’t want it to be an opener to us having to lend stuff (current example we are getting a night nanny and are hearing a lot about how tired SIL is and how she could do with a break when lockdown finishes but baby sitting is so expensive)...

DH basically said I was on a highway to nothing trying to explain my view, but I called her back to try (yes I know before the thread fixates on this, idiotic and aggravating but I was genuinely trying clear the air as she had previously finished with the ‘well I won’t bother knitting anything then if this is how you feel about the seat’). I tried to explain it that I just never grew up either borrowing or lending (which I didn’t) and MIL eventually exclaimed that if that’s how I viewed it she would view inheritance in the same way as it was just giving family stuff after all including a particular piece of furniture DH likes (that I loathe) and that DC wouldn’t get helped (ha! Never helped with a penny yet!) on the same principle.

I feel very stupid, very pregnant and easily agitated. I shouldn’t have called or pushed to try and get her to see what I meant but did she over react or did I deserve everything I got?

Your baby = your rules. It’s your decision if you go new, second hand or a mixture of both. It’s good you’re setting out your stall early on. Fuck MIL trying to control and manipulate you, husband and baby for years. She sounds like a total pain

I agree that you sound snobby about 2nd hand stuff. The waste around babies and young children is disgusting but I don't use second hand car seats. 2nd hand clothes aren't unsafe, a 2nd hand car seat might be and I wouldn't risk it. The rest of the family sound like users do keep some distance because you are not responsible for making them feel better. Your MIL already seems to have it in for your child before they even born having made the declaration about the inheritance. I wouldn't be forgetting that or offering elderly care in a hurry

Quick update: she phoned to apologise. Said she was a little tipsy...

Good god what an over reaction...obviously your having a bad day in rl and looking to start an argument on the Internet to make yourself feel better

Next time just say your best friend/sister/cousin/neighbour is lending you x and you didn’t have the heart to turn them down because cxxxxxxxxxxx ...... by then she’ll have stopped listening.