I don’t think I can take another illness...

[Icantthinkofausername1]

I’ve been with someone for 3 years who has severe healthy anxiety. Every day there’s something wrong. I try so hard to be sympathetic, but I get to the point where I just want to say “oh will you just piss off” I’m getting to this point more and more now.

I’ve said about help, but they won’t! It really is taking over their life and it’s got progressively worse.

I don’t mean to be selfish but it ruins my day, every day and the struggle to stay positive these days is extra hard. I don’t know what my AIBU is really, I suppose it’s am I being really impatient or YANBU it’s soul destroying listening to someone wake up every single day with a new illness.

Would it be a deal breaker for any of you?

Thank you for reading.

If you are like this after 3 years, can you imagine how you'd feel if the rest of your life was like this? I'd leave now.

No way. I've grown up with this and it pulls you under and leaves you seeing therapists. You're the one who ends of head wrecked. It's emotional abuse. Ironically, when my mum actually did have cancer, it was easier than dealing with her 'Munchausen's' (as my brother and I casually call it!).

It is ALL about them. It is so narcissistic, sick, and self centred... and exhausting.

Op I have a dm like this. So much so that she has absolutely damaged a huge part of my life and I have zero tolerance for anything from her. She has to just mention a headache and the phone is put down on her. She has convinced herself that she is constantly catching covid and has taken so many unecesaary tests. It is extremely attention seeking.
The fact your dp can get himself functioning for normal daily life tells you this. Run now. It will absolutely suck the life out of you.And don't you even dare get sick yourself because he will be able to make himself sicker.

Please consider your future really carefully. I have a family member who sounds like your partner, she is in her late 60's and her entire life since her teens has been based around her latest illness except that no doctor can ever find anything wrong, she refuses counselling or therapy, if someone she knows is ill or diagnosed with something she will develop similar symptoms within a short time. I know her brother faked being ill, told her of some ridiculous symptoms just to see if she would start saying she had the same illness and within two weeks she had. She has a partner whose life is miserable as a result of her, we know she needs help but she refuses it, it is done for attention and if she doesn't get sufficient attention she will starve herself or fake pain until an ambulance is called. Her partner should have left years ago but she left her husband to be with him so he feels he has to stay, he's not well (he's a good few years older) and his health is almost ignored. Please be aware that your position could get worse and make sure you really know what could be ahead if you decide to stay.

This would really drain me. I would struggle to keep my patience to It will have a massive effect on your life so it's selfish of the other person and sometimes I wonder if it would help them to be a bit more pissed off with it and tell them to just stop rather that trying to sympathise. If they think they will loose you then maybe that will be the thing that makes them change

Hi everyone

Sorry I have been working.

I am so grateful for everyone’s comments and input. It really has opened my eyes hearing peoples experiences with this. Some scenarios are resonating so strongly with me.

I read up online about the issue but to read people’s honest account of dealing with people like this, has made me look at it a whole lot differently. I can’t believe I’ve let it go for so long.

I’m (not so) support bubbled with him, so on the walk this weekend it’s going to be D-Day.

Honestly, I can’t thank you all enough. I don’t talk to anyone in RL about it. I don’t know why, but I just can’t bring it up in conversations with my friends and family, I just kind of throw the rug over it and ignore it but I just can’t anymore and you have all helped me to see that I shouldn’t.

@Wolfiefan

Health anxiety isn’t something you need to grow up from *@MakeMineALarge1*. What a horrid response. And so ignorant. *@violetbunny* neither is true health anxiety an attention seeking behaviour. It’s a debilitating and awful condition for those who have it. But. This is someone refusing to seek help. That’s putting an intolerable strain on those around them. You can’t fix this OP. You can only get yourself out of this. Little wonder some people don’t feel they can seek help when have to fear they may be told they are simply attention seeking or to grow up.

Thank you, I’ve had health anxiety for years and years (since early childhood) , as part of OCD/HFA .

I’m medicated and often have therapy to help me cope, and have very strong coping mechanisms but feel absolutely crushed reading this .

A large part of my anxiety comes from having very low confidence and self esteem (as health anxiety stems from seeking some sort of control over aspects of my life that have been very distressing) .

I don’t think it’s selfish, or attention seeking - in fact I hardly ever involve anyone else with my worries, as find it excruciatingly embarrassing . I hardly even contact the GP about it - as t tends to happen that when you are actually ill, you still get the eye roll and laughter, ‘oh yeah, here we go again ‘ . It’s shit .

But I do understand it must be very draining to live with someone who is acutely unwell, my mum has conversion disorder which has at times been hellish to live with and it’s very hard to not feel resentful and angry.

Its not much fun, is it OP? You end up constantly providing loads of consideration to the other person, and in return you get crumbs.

I couldn't do it. YANBU.

Unbearable. This would drive me insane.